The Gift of Resistance

Most of us have two lives: the life we live and the life within us.  Between the two stands Resistance.  Steven Pressfield

In Resistance is the gift. Cindy Reinhardt

A beautiful hike on Spanish Creek in the quiet of morning's beauty.

At one time or another most of us have been told (by self or another) to overcome our resistance and ‘just do it’.  Whatever ‘it’ may be, if we’re resisting then certainly it’s something that we ‘should’ (ugh!) do.  Of course, there are times when this is a choice that serves us, moving us ahead toward a goal or keeping us on a favorable path.  But, for any resistance on the surface, there is something deeper to be discovered.

This week I (re)discovered that the more deeply I examine my resistance (in this case with support from my coach), the richer my awareness is.  All too often though, we don’t take that deeper look.  Heck, I wasn’t even aware that I was resisting.  

My pattern, when I do notice my resistance is for my ‘should-o-meter’ to kick in. I automatically tell myself to ‘stop resisting’ and ‘just do it’. After all, that’s how you conquer life, right?

But what about those times when our resistance may have a different message, one accessible only with a bit of digging?  For me this week the message from resistance was 180 degrees from ‘just do it’.  Upon taking a close look, I saw that my resistance was asking me to reassess a business decision. My clue to look deeper came when I noticed that I felt trapped by that decision. It seemed that I had to do it: no choice, no renegotiation, ‘just do it’. Ugh!

What was it that had me feel trapped? Working with my coach (thank you Patrece!), I realized that I had made a decision to essentially trade my personal peace for a short term financial gain.  I would likely suffer (rather than laugh) all the way to the bank. It’s little wonder that I was resisting. The gain wasn’t worth it.

My willingness to look at my resistance to doing a few small actions presented me with the gift of this awareness.  Had I barreled through and ‘just done’ those things, I mostly likely would have created a week of stress. And that would have taken me significant energy to recover from.  In resistance is the gift.

As I began to see the situation from this perspective, a clear course of action revealed itself. I needed to renegotiate a promise with a customer. Surprisingly, I felt no resistance. That path felt much lighter. After some initial reluctance, the customer agreed. This week is unfolding nicely.

I’m not suggesting that there aren’t times when we need to overcome resistance and just get ourselves into action.  I’m sure that I’ll have those from time to time as I continue this sojourn.  Our learning opportunity is one of discernment, of stepping back and taking a look at our resistance to determine whether it is simply lazy, childish avoidance (yes, we do); an underlying fear that it’s time to address; or, as with me this week, it wants my attention for the sake of inviting me to take a deeper look at a choice that I’ve made.

The Knowledge of Experience

A stem bends to find the needed sun.

We naturally and progressively change when we absorb the potential knowledge inherent in an experience, which means we become more knowledgeable physically, mentally and spiritually.  Patrece on behalf of P-Systems (The XYZs of Karmic Experience – Series 7, Week 45)

The quote above caught my attention last week as one I wanted to reflect on. What does it mean to become more knowledgeable physically, I wondered? But as happens, life’s events stepped into the spotlight of my attention (or, you might say they took over my life this week), and that reflection only came back around this morning as I mused about this 103rd post (yes, next week is our 2nd anniversary!).

I like the idea that we naturally change as we absorb knowledge in the experiences we have in life. Perhaps trusting in this could release some of the pressure we put on ourselves to learn and grow. What if my growth is as simple as walking through life, from experience to experience, trusting that when I’m awake in those experiences, I am adding knowledge and as I add knowledge, I naturally change.  That sounds like a favorable zone from which to live.

Think about it for a moment. We humans are part of nature. Look at the natural world around you, a tree, a flower, a bird, your pet. They progress through their life cycle naturally.  On some level the flower uses the knowledge that it requires sunshine to grow. With this knowledge, a stem bends to place the bud in more sunlight.

Our pets learn through the experience of interacting with us what elicits a ‘good boy!’ and what brings forth ‘bad dog’.  They apply that learning day to day.

So many people in my life, both clients and friends, are facing huge challenges and changes – forced job changes, health issues, death of a loved one, recovery from surgery.  Sometimes we think that only those ‘big’ events hold the gold of learning. 

In no way do I want to minimize such events. Like each of us, I’ve been there/done that – death of parents, divorce, job changes, challenges in relationships and business.  Likewise, I don’t want to give them more attention or credit them for more of my learning than just living life, step-by-step, day-by-day. That is after all how we move through these events.

As I navigate life today, I see that it wasn’t just those big events that held the gift of learning for me.  Daily activity has taught my body the amount of rest and care that it needs. Hopefully, I use that knowledge to make choices to support it.  Operating my bed and breakfast gives me the opportunity to learn new expressions of my creativity in creating a comfortable space for myself and others.  It stretches me to have the energy of others who I don’t know sharing my home. I can feel the change that has come gradually over the last year. Likewise with my leadership role on the local water board. And, of course, being ‘mom’ to Cool Hand Luke is rich with learning (this week we’re focused on patience).

I'm trying not to lick mom, really I am, but it itches ...

The beauty that I see in looking at learning from this place is that it isn’t just the stuff we label ‘bad’ or ‘challenging’ from which we learn, grow and change.  We don’t need to sign up for yet another class. It is the very experience of life itself from which we change. The simple elegance of life reveals itself once again.

Patience rewarded ...

Guided By Our Stories

Early morning sky ...

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Everyone has their story. We are all different. We are all the same. Gregge Tiffen (Personal Session)

Consciously or not our decisions are rarely, if ever, based on just the facts. Rather it is our stories that guide (or control) the choices that we make. For the most part, our history along with our thoughts, beliefs and feelings create our stories.

Take the simple choice between ‘store’ brand and ‘recognized’ brand for example. Some people hold a story that the ‘store’ brand is less expensive than and the same quality (maybe even made in the same place) as the ‘recognized’ brand. Others prefer the ‘recognized’ brand based on their story that it is superior in quality. Unless we’re challenged by someone or presented with new information, we rarely question our choices. And, we definitely don’t think about the stories on which our decisions are based.

But, perhaps doing so would support us to be more aware of and to question the stories we hold around the bigger choices in life.

I recently found myself angry (you were wondering what that quote had to do with stories, right?) about a situation in my community near the quiet home I love. A nearby neighbor is proposing to construct several large greenhouses for cultivating organic vegetables and marijuana (it’s legal here, you know). His story is that everything grown is for his family’s personal consumption. Based on the size of the facility and just a bit of research, that story just doesn’t add up.  And, it triggered my best ‘how dare he’ reaction. 

Peace, joy, happiness? Nowhere in my sight.

After a few days of being in this reaction each time I thought about it, I decided to look at my stories.  My reaction was so strong that it couldn’t just be based on the facts.  First, was my story that his story just didn’t add up.  Underneath that I found a story that ‘he must think I’m stupid’ (talk about taking it personally), along with stories about the negative impacts on the peace, quiet, tranquility of our neighborhood. It took me a while to realize that I was disrupting my peace with all the stories racing around in my head.

It was a sobering and empowering wake-up call to become aware that I’d allowed my stories to undermine my peace. I challenged myself to shift. Not my stories, but how I was holding them.  How could I respond from a place of care without taking it personally? How might my response be different, if I allowed compassion to enter the scene?

I felt lighter immediately. And, for the most part, I’m carrying this lightness into my written comments to the governing board as well as my conversations with others in the community.  Along the way I discovered that maintaining my personal peace doesn’t necessarily require changing everything in my story. Rather, it invites me to look at my story piece by piece and to be willing to evaluate each with a different intention and a willingness to reject those pieces that stand in the way of my peace.

And, that’s a story that I’m aiming to call forth more often.

... and stunning vistas help me maintain my sense of peace.

Agitation

Sometimes clouds obscure part of the mountain ...

Bright, aware minds do not let anything pass by without running it through a sieve to see what is going to come out of it. ‘I want to do something with this, or I don’t want to do something with this’ is the analytical process that begins immediately. The result of the process is called choice which is your will. If you refuse to go through the process of such analysis, you are not exercising your will. Gregge Tiffen (The Language of a Mystic: Awareness; July, 2009)

Like the hammer, a tool that can be used to repair or to build as well as to injure or to destroy, agitation has both a light side and a dark. 

As one who likes to stir things up, I tend to focus on the positive. After all, the agitation of a washing machine moves the water, detergent and clothes around to clean them.  And, what social change has ever been gained that didn’t start with political activists agitating others into action?

This week I’ve found myself feeling the dark side of agitation: irritated and restless.  Luke might just share that he’s found me a little testy and on edge on those rare occasions when he didn’t respond quickly when called.  Some might call it ‘cranky’.  You likely know what I mean. Perhaps you even find yourself visiting this mood from time to time.

One of my first thoughts was ‘I shouldn’t be feeling this way.’  Oops!  Let’s not make it worse by pronouncing blame and guilt.  I was beginning to exercise my will. I don’t like feeling this way. And, I surely don’t like my behavior, but rather than push it aside, I decided to take a peek at what might be at the root of this edition if my agitation. I want to do something with this!

It took only a little reflection to find quite a list of things that I’d treated as either ‘no big deal’ or issues that I have no control over.  I’d piled them up with no awareness, ignoring the process of making choices, of exercising my will.  I was moving through the day with little awareness, and I’d been doing so for longer than I’d like to admit.  I’d allowed worry to replace conscious choice. Agitation had replaced the simple joy of moving through life one sacred moment at a time.

My agitation woke me up to unconscious choices that I’d made not exercising my will. From there I’m able to choose differently and to step back into the joy that is life, moment by moment, choice by choice.  To paraphrase Gregge Tiffen: If will is the means by which consciousness exercises itself, be sure that you’re getting enough exercise! 

Then, the mountain (and life!) becomes crystal clear.

Staying In Tune With Our Unique Rhythm

Sometimes we play ...

Everyone and everything has a different rhythm.   Conditions become chaotic when you are not in a position to manage the harmonics of your core energy to create.  Gregge Tiffen (The Journey Continues: Time Travels – July, 2010)

As I look back on a fun, whirlwind week with visiting friends and ahead to the many guests scheduled to stay here at the Dragonfly House over the next several weeks, I have a keen awareness of just how different our individual rhythms are. Each of us marches to the beat of our own drummer.  Or, we give our power to others (partners, employers, children, etc.) to set our pace.  We might even use goals or set deadlines that are contrary to our natural rhythm in an effort to be ‘productive’.

Learning my rhythm continues to be a big part of my life experiment and experience. Although the learning never stops, I’d say that I do a pretty good job of honoring my natural rhythm as I understand it. I think that my greatest learning is doing so with grace (or at least a modicum thereof).

None of us live in isolation. Our lives require coordination with others and with their unique rhythms and commitments.  Perhaps it’s no wonder that there is so much chaos and discordance in our world. It makes me wonder:

What if one of the keys to personal (and, therefore, planetary) peace is to learn to maintain our rhythm while allowing others with whom we live, work, and play to do the same?

The simplicity of this idea draws me inward. Looking back for just a moment, I notice how testy and demanding I become when I’m feel that staying in my rhythm is threatened. I have little room for grace.

A deep breath and a spark of curiosity open the door for wondering how I might engage with others by putting rhythm on the table as a part of the conversation. It seems to me that doing so would create an environment that is much friendlier, one where grace might show up naturally with ease.  I think it will take some experimentation and lots of practice to master maintaining my rhythm with grace.

And, the resulting personal peace will be well worth the effort. 

After thousands of years of war, perhaps learning to step into our own rhythm with grace may contribute one small step toward creating not just a peaceful personal life, but peace on the planet as well.

Other times we rest.

Changes in Scenery, Changes in Pace (Summer, 2015 Version)

Red Rocks Amphitheater - Morrison, Colorado

When we start doing things that are repetitive we begin to lose any sense of the experience. We lose any issue of the creative element. Gregge Tiffen

This week brought both changes of pace and scenery as dear friends arrived for a visit early in the week. It’s great fun to share my home and the quiet beauty that I write about most every week.  I’ve been especially looking forward to sharing my slower pace of life and leisurely exploring the area with them. No set schedule. A few days of relaxed exploration. But then …

The Universe, always presenting opportunity for making choices, presented just that in the first hour of my friends’ arrival, when I answered a call from a local friend.  “I know you have company coming, but I have tickets to the Neil Young concert at Red Rocks (near Denver, four hours away).  You probably can’t leave your friends, but I wanted to call you and ask. Oh, and let you know that I won’t be able to take care of Luke as planned on Wednesday.” 

I took a breath. Said, “no problem re Luke. Hmm … I wonder if we could get two more tickets … of course I need to see if my friends are interested … let me ask.”  I asked.  “Neil Young!? Red Rocks?  Love him. Always wanted to go there!! Let’s do it!”

And so a new plan began and it brought forth a very different energy than I’d expected. A bit of rushing about to arrange for Luke’s care, take care of business, and prepare to be out of town for a couple days. 

I fell into the excitement and the push. At the same time, I noticed that I felt out of my rhythm.  I sensed it was a good learning opportunity when the energy felt a bit uncomfortable.  Was ‘going with this flow’ to come at a high price?  What do I need to take care of myself while engaging in this different pace? 

Rest was the first thought.  Early to bed on the night before travelling.  Deep breaths and consciously letting go of needing for the trip to unfold in any particular way – not easy for my inner ‘control-freak’ [those of you who know me are smiling, if not laughing out loud]. 

As I wrote the above, we were on the road enroute to Denver. Rain was pouring from the sky and Red Rocks is an outdoor venue.   We acknowledged that it could be a soggy (or worse) evening.  But whatever the weather, the fun of stepping out into a different energy field with friends can’t be washed away.

It was raining gently as we began our trek from the parking lot to the amphitheater, but by the time we climbed the stairs into the venue (and our row 17 center seats!) it slowed to a drizzle. And, by the time Neil Young took the stage, the rain had stopped.  

I experienced a fun night in a beautiful location and received the gift of remembering that a step outside my quiet life awakens me to experience life in a different lane.  Not the lane I choose to live in day to day, but one that’s fun to ease into from time to time. 

An amazing show ... the 'Rebel Content' Show.  I relate.

Independence From the Inside Out

We have the freedom to flow as freely as this stream ...

The minute you become dependent on anyone in any way, you no longer have any power to move forward in your own pattern, in your own blueprint and on your own behalf. You come to a halt. Gregge Tiffen (Feeding Freedom: The Meaning of Independence Day July, 2007)

I believe that our founding fathers and the mothers who worked as diligently in support of independence understood independence in a way that is lost in our current culture. Today we live in a society and systems that rely on dependence and the control that dependence brings forth.  We are poorer in terms of our overall well-being and consciousness as a result.

Who among us has not felt a deep sense to make a particular decision or take a particular action, then held back from that choice?  My own list of not following the path that I knew inside was most true to me and my blueprint includes staying in jobs, keeping clients, maintaining relationships well beyond the time that they provided me the ability to express my unique self. 

From where I live now in life, I see the patterns of dependence: on money, on approval, on security, on being cared for (or so I rationalized), on what others think, even on having others depend on me.  You can probably enrich these with your own life experiences.  And, lest you think that I’ve become a saint, I still experience living independently as challenging.

Just as those who created the United States faced enormous challenges and threats in declaring independence, it takes courage to declare personal independence in today’s world. And, just as the United States has experienced many bumps along the road to living fully into our 1776 declaration, it takes courage – the strength of our convictions, if you will – to live into the largeness of the personal independence that is truly ours. That independence is the law of the Universe and we ignore it at our peril.

Courage is required to look honestly at how we live life and to recognize and be willing to name the web of dependence that we’ve created, individually and collectively.  And yet, perhaps only when we’ve done so may we be truly free.  Just as the signers of the Declaration of Independence articulated their grievances against the King, we too need to look to what we’ve allowed to impinge upon our personal, individual independence and freedom to think, make decisions, and act in the ways that are unique to each of us.

As you make choices this week, notice those that are true, authentic expressions of you. Celebrate yourself!  Notice as well those that are not and ask:  From what dependency would a declaration of my personal independence serve me?

... And, to fly joyfully through life. The choice is ours and ours alone.

Life Plan Approved!

“To realize Universal reality, we need only open ourselves to our innate, insatiable curiosity to seek the broader knowledge of many things – then to embrace the adventure. Gregge Tiffen (Life in the World Hereafter: The Journey Continues)”

Summer is bursting out all over!

What if each of us had a life plan that was designed solely to provide a learning adventure that would further our growth in consciousness?  What if we had reviewed that plan before our birth?  And (gulp), what if we’d approved it?  Finally, what if our systems (family, spiritual, educational, business, etc.) were set up to support us in remembering and fully living into what we agreed to before we splashed down on the earth for this life?

Fantasy?  Perhaps, but I don’t think so. 

Paradise – a more beautiful world? That’s what I’ve long believed: that we can do better than the current state of life on our planet.  For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt a sense that if we were all doing what we were meant to do and being who we were meant to be, that we would experience a world of peace, joy, abundance, harmony and beauty.  To my last breath I suspect that I will maintain the belief that an intelligent universe created a perfect system despite the messes we’ve brought forth in our ignorance on this planet.

My belief provides a lens through which I can make sense of seemingly senseless events. This bears little to no resemblance of trying to make rational sense of our world or even the events in my life.  And, it definitely does not mean that I understand or condone all that occurs.

Such a perspective on life removes the possibility of seeing myself as a victim in ANY situation (gulp again). The responsibility that entails can bring my knees to go weak and my chest to tighten. At the same time, it’s a huge relief. 

I suggested just that to a client recently. In telling me about a number of situations in her life that she was experiencing as problematic, she concluded, “I didn’t approve any of this!”  After a bit more exploration, I gently posed a question for reflection: “What if you did?”

What if I did?  The first thing that occurred to me as I sat quietly with this question early one morning was how differently I look at events when I remember this lens.  I don’t shift to victim mode. I’m curious about how to use events for my learning. That doesn’t always mean some big life lesson.  It might be as simple as discovering a new way to do a routine task more efficiently or as profound as seeing another person’s perspective without judgement, especially when it’s contrary to mine.

When an event is especially challenging, the idea that I’ve approved it in advance is humbling. I feel supported to call upon the knowledge in my cells to guide my approach. I can let of needing to get it ‘right’ when I remember that my purpose is to learn.  I aim to remember who I truly am.  My compassion for myself and others as they face challenges grows. And, I’m grateful. 

Summer fun and play time with his buddy is in Cool Hand Luke's life plan!

Father Time: Order or Control?

A wise and benevolent father protects the day-by-day life of his progeny and prepares them for an endless journey of growth, development, and maturity.  Gregge Tiffen (Father Time – June 2007)*

Eat When You're Hungry ...

Benevolence, an inclination to do good or be kind, and wisdom having or showing good judgement, are qualities worthy of developing. We tend to think of benevolence as an outward gesture, doing good for others. Recently, I’ve been reading more of Gregge Tiffen’s early work and reflecting on time, the clock and how it is used as a mechanism for manipulation and control.  It led me to think that we might be wise to take a different look at time.

This week, many will honor fathers and father figures for their roles in preparing us for this journey called life.  The benevolent, wise father created context and order in our early life giving us a foundation on which to set sail on our course in life.  For them, we are grateful.

Others lived a different experience: fathers, who lacking wisdom and benevolence, sought to control. For them, with forgiveness, we can also be grateful. And, perhaps that forgiveness can come more easily when we understand that fathers may feel trapped in systems that equate success with control and that honor time over natural instinct and cycles.

Harmony is the essence of nature and natural cycles. As I experiment with living less by the clock and more by awareness of my personal cycles, I feel more harmonious within.  And, I’m discovering that’s not so easy to do in this world.

Rest When You're Weary ...

We use time as a weapon. I found myself doing just that this morning when I called the sign painter to inquire about progress on my Dragonfly House sign that was to be finished a few weeks ago. In a world where systems are built on time, I find it hard to let go and trust that the sign will be ready in divine perfect time.  And yet I know how negatively deadlines impact me. I wonder why it’s difficult to extend that knowing to be compassionate with others about time. Then I realize that I live in the midst of accepted systems where time is used to control and that I’ve bought into them.

We put pressure on ourselves with words and beliefs about scarcity of time (‘I don’t have time …’). Over the years, I’d guess that this has been a concern of over half of my coaching clients, as it has been for me in the past. Some years ago, I broke the habit of using that language and replaced it with ‘I have enough time for everything that is important in my life’. Slowly that became my belief. With practice we can ease the pressure and begin to make choices that honor our natural rhythms – not as a program to complete, but as an exploration of a different way to live, a way that, in my experience, offers much personal satisfaction, harmony, and peace. 

Eat when you’re hungry. Rest when you’re weary. Bloom when you’re ready. That may be the best of benevolence and wisdom in a world that sometimes seems to have lost both.

Bloom When You're Ready ... That's wisdom and the ultimate self-kindness.

Who In the World is Gregge Tiffen?

Gregge Tiffen was a powerful presence on the planet, much like the power of Spring's snow melt in local streams ...

Passion does not have ears for ‘cannot do’. Gregge Tiffen [Sex, Lies and Assumptions – June, 2010]*

Have you ever had the experience of reading something you haven’t read before, of having it seem both familiar and new and fresh, and of knowing that you already knew it, but you didn’t know that you knew?  If you’re spinning from just reading that sentence, then you have some idea of my experience over the last several months as I’ve read transcripts from lectures that Gregge Tiffen presented after his return from training in Tibet, many years before I met him.

Because I quote him often, I’ve been thinking for a while that it would be fun to share a bit about who Gregge was.  I’ll start with a description from the back cover of Earth and Second Earth, one of several books that comprise The Collected Works of Gregge Tiffen [available here: http://www.p-systemsinc.com/publications.htm]:

“Gregge Tiffen received intensive training in mysticism and mystical law over 60 years ago in the Far East. He returned to the United States in the late 1950’s to teach as he was taught. Before his death in September 2008, he was a well-respected business consultant, exceptional teacher, and personal counselor to people throughout the world.”

Despite the admonitions of friends and family that ‘You can’t …!’, Gregge left a military career with its focus on death and survival to pursue a passion for living. He realized that he needed to “die from the animal state of survival at all costs” to pursue what he truly wanted to do. And, that is what he did.  

While I take full responsibility for all the choices that I’ve made in life, the quality of those choices has been greatly enhanced since I met Gregge in early 1980, 35 years ago. 

At the time, I was in the midst of personal turmoil.  Marge, my mother and dear friend, died several months before, and I’d resigned from a demanding job for which I’d burned up any passion. I needed to rest, recover, and find some sense of self beyond my profession.  Therapy was somewhat supportive and I found reading metaphysical books helpful, but it was my Life Reading & BiCircadian (Gregge’s system for planetary influence) that woke me up to who I am and sparked my interest in how life works.

Consultations with Gregge helped me navigate life over these 35 years. I gathered interesting and helpful information attending workshops and lectures and listening to recordings.  Now, as I create the next phase/adventure in life, I’m passionate to more deeply understand and, more importantly, use what I’m learning, applying what is hopefully intelligence in ways that nurture new, innovative, sustainable measures of success. 

... and as gentle as day's first light.

As I follow this path of reading, reviewing, reflecting and experimenting, it’s likely that more of Gregge’s wisdom will be coming your way, so I wanted to share a bit about this inspiring man as context for what may come as ‘The Zone’ evolves.