... consistency establishes a vortex, and that is your responsibility to yourself. Take the information in, and distill it into your own knowledgeable terms because it is your essence that makes the system work for you. You then become strong in your conviction of who you are and what you are doing. No matter what the world says, you stick to it. Gregge Tiffen (Earth and Second Earth, a volume in The Collected Works of Gregge Tiffen)
When the roast is done, take it out of the oven.
I wavered this week. As I moved toward implementing my decision to close my bed and breakfast business (yep, I made that decision since my last post!), I hesitated. ‘Well, maybe it would work if I …’ I thought. ‘That last insurance quote wasn’t too bad, perhaps I should …’ On the surface, each thought was a good idea worthy of consideration. But they didn’t fit with what I know deep inside: I’m done with this.
I recognized the thoughts as doubts sourced in the all too pervasive scarcity consciousness perpetuated to control using fear. Recognizing the source helped.
But what tipped the scales and moved me into action was a keen awareness based in self-observation over the past several months. My enjoyment of hosting was waning, despite the lovely people who visit. When I received a very expensive insurance quote that simply didn’t work financially, my soul cheered. Every cell in my body knew it was time to end this chapter. Yet my gut clinched at declining to accept reservations as I weighed the decision carefully. ‘Maybe I can find a better insurance option’ I thought. One did emerge that made a bit more financial sense. In the end that didn’t shake the knowing that I was done and the soft calling of some new focus.
Remembering the high cost of continuing when something is done helped. Whether it’s a roast in the oven, a job that no longer inspires (or is barely tolerable), a stale relationship, done is done. Keeping a roast in the oven not only burns the roast, it leaves no room for the chocolate cake that you yearn to be bake. And …
Pouring water in a full glass wastes water and makes a mess.
Operating the B&B had become a ‘full glass’. Observing the energy I expended with a guest here recently confirmed that. This roast is done. To continue wouldn’t serve me or future guests. And, I’ve ridden in this ‘rodeo’ before, ending chapters (jobs, partnerships, relationships, housing, etc.) not knowing what the next would bring. Without exception each brought what I needed and, they’ve all turned out just fine.
As with changes past, I discovered that I changed, grew, expanded from the B&B experience. My future growth requires something new, and that’s not yet clearly defined. After a fantastic four year ride, that ‘something’ is calling for my focus, my energy, my interest and attention. I’m closing with much gratitude and the conviction that my decision to do so is as ‘right’ as the decision to dive in four years ago. That time too was one of questioning, not knowing, and being open to what’s next. Guidance and clarity brought the path. I stepped on it and began the walk, step by step. What a journey!
Each step (and the missteps too!) brought learning. With learning, a deepened understanding of who I am continues to emerge.
So, let the next chapter begin! And, let me stick to living life confident in what I know and in learning even more.
What about you? Is there a ‘roast’ in your oven that’s done? A chocolate cake yearning to be baked? This week, I invite you to take a look inside. Discover what may be complete. And, bake a new cake!