How It Is As Spring Arrives

Zadie Byrd’s Antler Find

Within the grip of winter, it is almost impossible to imagine the spring. The gray perished landscape is shorn of color. Only bleakness meets the eye; everything seems severe and edged. Winter is the oldest season; it has some quality of the absolute. Yet beneath the surface of winter, the miracle of spring is already in preparation; the cold is relenting; seeds are wakening up. Colors are beginning to imagine how they will return. Then, imperceptibly, somewhere one bud opens and the symphony of renewal is no longer reversible. From the black heart of winter a miraculous, breathing plenitude of color emerges.

The beauty of nature insists on taking its time. Everything is prepared. Nothing is rushed. The rhythm of emergence is a gradual slow beat always inching its way forward; change remains faithful to itself until the new unfolds in the full confidence of true arrival. Because nothing is abrupt, the beginning of spring nearly always catches us unawares. It is there before we see it; and then we can look nowhere without seeing it. John O'Donohue, To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings

This first full day of Spring after yesterday’s equinox, finds my heart a bit heavy. A different sort of Spring beginning for me and for Zadie Byrd. Yesterday she crossed the rainbow bridge. Life anew without the bounds of a physical body for her. Waking to quiet, an empty blanket by the wood stove. Freedom. A different flavor for each of us.

This, a day of reflection, of gratitude, of tears I’ll simply share a favorite Mary Oliver Poem about our beloved canine companions, knowing there is no ‘us’ and ‘them’ in this soup we call life and that we are mere cells of Gaia’s greater whole. We are all different. We are all the same.

How It Is With Us, and

How It Is With Them

               by Mary Oliver

We become religious,

then we turn from it,

then we are in need and maybe we turn back.

We turn to making money,

then we turn to the moral life,

then we think about money again.

We meet wonderful people, but lose them

in our busyness.

We’re, as the saying goes, all over the place.

Steadfastness, it seems,

is more about dogs than about us.

One of the reasons we like them so much.

In loving memory of and deep gratitude for Sadie/Zadie Byrd/Zades/’Punkin Soup’ – 6 December 2009 – 19 March 2024. Steadfast with a streak of stubborn. Courageous. Teacher. Learner. Partner. Soul friend. And more. With me from 14 January 2020 – 19 March 2024 and furever in my heart with forever love and gratitude.

New Cap on an Empty Blanket

Drops in the River of Life

Alone, we are each just a drop in the river. But together? Together we make the River Dragon rise. From Rivera Sun’s forthcoming Book 5 of the Ari Ara Series – River Dragon (read the first chapter here)

I’m reminded this blog morning that every thought we think, every word we speak, every action we take, and, yes, every meme we post on social media contributes to the collective, to the river that is life.

A couple weeks back my friend, author and activist Rivera Sun, and I decided to engage in an experiment to see “the humanity behind the headlines” and to report our experiences to one another the following week.

An episode around Zadie Byrd’s health shortly after our conversation took my attention in another direction. I forgot about our experiment and my commitment to engage.

Fortunately, my young friend, for years a practitioner of non-violence, did not. When she shared her experience with me a week later, I was reminded not only of the agreement I’d forgotten, but also of the power of perspective, of the lens through which we view and act the world.

She shared that she engaged by “thinking things like Oh, my brother, how could you make this decision? It must weigh on your heart and soul. Or, what hurt you so long ago that makes you close your heart today?

For me these are powerful, thoughtful questions recognizing that we are One, each an individual cell of a greater whole. Each a drop in the river of life. What if we could ask such questions with one another? And, then, we listened?

Rivera also shared that “my observation is that this practice cut through a lot of feelings of fear and disempowerment for me. It opened up a tenderness for myself and for the people behind the news report. It didn't excuse their behavior in my mind. It did keep me from thinking of them as monsters (which is scary) and rather as human beings with problems (which is probably true).”

Such a simple pivot – from disdain and fear to compassion and love. Simple. And not easy in our fractured world.

Looking at how the experiment impacted her, Rivera says “I also think it helped me not get exhausted by the news. I felt an upswell in my own humanity and in my sense of empowerment and insight. The biggest change was in how I felt about myself. I felt stronger, more clear in my mind, and like I was a deeper person.”

Our perspectives are important to us individually and collectively for they create the world we inhabit. Sadly, our thoughts, words, and acts of discord, of division, of fear help sustain the very things we want to change. As I’ve said many times before it is up to us to create the shift in consciousness humanity so desperately needs.

I don’t know about you, but I still have work to do to get to the place of fully seeing the humanity behind choices to kill, to pillage our planet, efforts to divide, hate-filled speech and acts of violence. And, at the same time, to not excuse the behavior.

So, I’m taking on the experiment. In this year of the Wood Dragon, let’s clean up the pollution in humanity’s river of life and make the River Dragon rise!

P.S. Beyond our friendship and being a beta-reader in support of Rivera’s work, I’m especially excited about Book 5 and my reason will be revealed 😉 in its time …

From Grumbling & Grievance to Miracles & Love

A Deer Friend Visits the Woods Out Back

Love holds no grievances. … To hold a grievance is to forget who you are. A Course in Miracles

You cannot have both a grievance and a miracle. You must choose … Marianne Williamson (interview on Next Level Soul )

As winter wanes and spring is fast approaching, a snowstorm is brewing with the potential to bring much needed moisture. Some will grumble. I say, ‘bring it on!’.

If I’m to grumble let it be about matters of deeper concern. Matters of home and hearth that I may find problematic. Matters of divisiveness, a world at war, and our clinging to violence as a solution to most any problem. When? How will we stop seeing ‘enemy’ in all that we dislike and fear? When will I?

When will we find it in ourselves to let go of our righteousness and forgive those we blame for all that we deem wrong in the world? When will we come to our senses and see the senselessness of our approach? When will I?

The questions come in the wake of hearing this idea that grievances cancel out miracles. It stirred an already simmering pot of delicious and deep reflections, some of which I’ve shared here recently. It brought me to a new level of awareness of the impact of my engagement in any grumbling no matter how minor it seems. In my grumbling and the underlying grievance that I hold, I block miracles. I don’t know about you, but I think some miracles would be pretty darn welcome in our world about now.

I saw clearly how my lack of love in any situation stands in the way of the peace my heart desires and knows is possible.

Wafting out of the simmering pot of reflections came the challenge to identify grievances that I hold and to forgive, to put love in the place of each and every one. Am I willing to do the work of bringing this light to those around whom I hold a grievance?

Am I willing to do the work so that I can behold the miracles that patiently await my action? Miracles not just in the microcosm of my life, but miracles in the greater whole of all Life. Miracles in and of community and country, in and of planet and cosmos.

What or who might I forgive today to allow a miracle somewhere tomorrow or in what is divine perfect time?

Snow on the Way???

Will We Leap?

Sacred Places - Blanca Peak and the Ziggurat

When fear is used to control us, love is how we rebel! Zadie Byrd Gray (fictional character in The Dandelion Insurrection by Rivera Sun)

We CAN leap forward into new ways of being, higher frequencies, and levels of consciousness. We CAN leap to love! Will we?

On this early morning before ‘Leap Day’, sitting quietly by the fire early and breathing deeply with attention on my heart, I returned to a practice that I’d first done many years ago. Breathe in Love; Breathe out Gratitude. Or was it Breathe in Gratitude; Breathe out Love? In and out, love and gratitude, gratitude and love intertwined in the dance of life. Leaping to love, step by step.

Over many years the practice has deepened my trust and expanded my capacity to accept the abundant unknowns and uncertainties in life. It was particularly useful when I found myself in financial stress, not knowing how I’d pay the rent coming due all too soon. A guide to remembering my true Source in this infinitely abundant universe. A pivot from angst and fear to love. A leap in my life.

And it’s useful today as I become present to the deep concern and, yes even fear, that I carry about the future. The future of this country that is my home. The future of our world. The future of humanity. As old systems falter and fail under the weight of the outmoded paradigm of separation, will we leap to co-create new systems founded and grounded in the truth of the Oneness of all life? Will we leap to respect All Life? Or will we try to remodel and remain in the darkness, fear, and competition that inhabit the house of separation and scarcity?

A favorite quote from Rivera Sun’s prescient novel, The Dandelion Insurrection, came to mind. When fear is used to control us, love is how we rebel.

The messages of fear projected by those who claim to be leaders are all too abundant, drowning out the abundant acts of love and care that are part and parcel of everyday life. Our care for family, friends, and beloved animal companions. Our connections with Nature, listening and responding to the voice of Gaia. Respecting, loving, and caring for her. Our coming together in community to co-create desired futures. Our laughter and sincere smiles. Our giving with no expectation of return. Our deep listening to one another, including those with whom we disagree.

These and so many, many more are leaps of love, acts of rebellion to counter the fear that divides us. Small steps on the trail to a big leap that I have no doubt we can make to create a world that works for All Life. We CAN leap forward into new ways of being, higher frequencies, and levels of consciousness. We CAN leap to love!

Will we?

A Visit from Coyote

Grief, Gratitude, & Lanterns

Grandmother Pinon’s Bark Hearts

Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve. Rabbi Earl A. Grollman

One of the most exciting and energizing forms of thought is the question. I always think that the question is like a lantern. It illuminates new landscapes and new areas as it moves. John O’Donohue

Gratitude is a match to light lanterns on the path of life.

I’ve experienced a week riding diverse and sometimes challenging waves in the ocean of life. I feel blessed to be in this place, this life at this tumultuous time on the planet. Blessed to live somewhat isolated from the horrors of war. Grateful to be at choice in my daily activities rather than being in survival mode, whether on the hamster wheel of commitments or uprooted by violence or extreme weather events. Grateful to be relatively safe and secure while knowing that too can change in an instant.

I’m blessed that the tumultuous waves in the ocean of my life offer up opportunities for deeper reflection, exploring questions with wonder not with the necessity that requires an answer. Grateful that the adventurer in me is excited by these new landscapes and inner terrains and that I experience the luxury of riding these waves, whether they be waves of grief or waves of joy.

I rode both this week, waking one morning to deep grief that carried me into the darkness of current world conditions. I felt deep sadness for all beings who reside in the paths of violence and upheaval in their many forms. I shed tears, crying deeply for all. I grieved over my country which seems to be operating far from the principles and values declared in its founding documents, aware of the many grievances I hold about the choices of our leaders and the injustices of our systems.

I grieved over agricultural practices at home and abroad that destroy the soil and poison ‘we the people’ and our planet home. Grief and grievances.

I wept for friends faced with serious health problems and other challenges. And I rode waves of grief for Zadie Byrd’s declining health and the reality that this sweet canine may be near to begin making her path to the rainbow bridge.

Choosing to ride the waves rather than to exit the ocean allowed the grief to move through me and to inform me rather than to take up residence and negatively impact my health. Riding the waves with gratitude rather than resistance opened new territory for exploration, reminding me what I value in life and by what values I aim to live. I opened to deepening my faith and my trust as consciousness (mine, yours, and ours) shifts and the Universe continues to unfold.

Out of the waves of grief questions rose. Questions that feed curiosity and wonder. Questions that may or may not be answered. Questions that hold the potential to light my way. As if to remind me that the ocean is a vast array of waves, by week’s end waves of possibility and joy began to roll in bringing curiosity, wonder, light, new possibilities, and yes, more questions.

I sense this is the nature of the times we are in and the events that are being experienced, individually and collectively. Riding the waves of life with gratitude and some sense that there is order and purpose that often isn’t visible may be path to building our capacity to navigate all that is unknown and uncertain in our world.

Grab your lanterns and your boards. Let’s ride!

Home of the Faeries in the Woods Out Back

LIFE is My Valentine - LOVE is My Message!

Heart Rock in the Labyrinth

My prayer this Valentine’s Day is that we fall deeply in love with ALL Life...

With love the pivot of change emerges, the lever stretches long enough to move the world, the arc of the universe bends toward justice, the spirit of humanity soars, and the flood of life revives. Rivera Sun Love: A Feast Beyond Valentine’s Day (read it here).

A few mornings back I wrote in my journal Life is my valentine! I was thinking about peace activism and reflecting on a conversation I’d watched engaging three “radical Palestinian and Israeli peace activists”. I was struck by many things, but most of all one activist’s fervent call that we fall in love with all Life. (click here to listen)

I thought about the insanity of war. I wondered when will we say ‘Enough!’ and end the madness? There is NO question to which war is the answer.

My prayer this Valentine’s Day is that we fall deeply in love with Life, so deeply that at last we say ‘NO!’ To war. To violence. To hatred. To our degradation of the soil and water that are the very sources of Life. To injustice. To cruelty. To all that does not honor Life.

AND that each step we take and each choice we make from this day forward honors that deep love. Honors Life. For that is the necessary pivot that will guide us to co-create a world where all Life thrives.

I invite you to read Rivera’s essay filled with juicy food for thought and to listen to the peace activists’ conversation. I’m curious to know what her wisdom moves and evokes in you. And this Valentine’s Day I feel called into the woods to listen to the Life to be nurtured there.

Love in the Woods Out Back

Snow At Last!

Ahh … Winter … Snow at Last!

The official snowfall reading of 13.6 inches, makes for the most snow our area has seen in one storm in over 8 years, which is a long time indeed, and was well overdue. It was also the first snowfall in 2 years where more than 10.0" fell in one storm. Finally, this was the 9th heaviest snowfall for our area since 2002. Keno – our local weather meister

No wonder I’d forgotten what’s needed when deep snow falls. It’s been quite a while. And, if you’ve been with me for a bit, you know I’ve longed for it, especially this year. Now, finally, the ground is covered in a white blanket, as it should be in winter. Happy Gaia! Happy me!

As this deep snow called me inward, my desire for a clear, safe path for Zadie Byrd and me as well as my car to reach the road called me out. So, shovel I did, feeling deep gratitude for the moisture and the beauty, while my body nudged, ‘be careful … don’t overdo it …’. I l listened, shoveling a bit then resting. Shoveling some more, resting again. A few areas that I normally shovel were left undone, a choice that’s big for me.

Feeling weary with the work complete, I answered the call to turn my attention within. My weariness evoked questions of sustaining life here as the years go by and the body’s abilities shift. I felt the questions deep inside. A few tears fell and the roads of judgement (You should be able to do more … Blah, blah, blah.) and fear (What if I can’t sustain life in this place I love?) beckoned me to their path. (Hey let’s have a pity and worry party …)

No! I declined, remembering the roads of letting go, of trust, of gratitude, of care. That’s the place within where I want to live!

The questions remain as explorations to engage. Not as problems to be solved or answers to figure out, but as opportunities. To embrace the unknown. To trust life and creation. To live fully and enjoy every moment in this beautiful, sacred place. To recognize when I need support and ask for it. To walk in gratitude, no matter what.

Inside. Outside … the dance with Life!

Early Morning Western Sky in the San Luis Valley

Empty AND Full

Tashi Gomang Stupa overlooking the San Luis Valley

The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe. Albert Einstein

… prayers that we will remember who we are, the truth of our being, and that our being here, now will contribute to creating, sustaining, and maintaining the universe as a friendly place.

This blog day morning finds me empty of words, especially words with some modicum of wisdom to share. At the same time, I’m full. Filled with gratitude and an interesting flow in life. And I’m full of compassion, trust, heartache, joy, sadness, love, anger, and occasionally a pinch of angst. The soup of life with all its spices.

What words will come? When? I wonder as mind wanders exploring this sense of emptiness …

In the knowing that I am a mere fractal in the cosmos, one with all that is, ALL life, I feel a void in my connection with those living in what have become zones of horror – around the globe and right here at home. A void that is not empty of compassion, care, sadness, but rather the emptiness of feeling impotent in the face of such horrors. Heart aching for all that separates us from one another, from our wholeness. Our holiness.

And yet I am full. Filled in knowing that every breath I take with the vibration of love is an energetic contribution to the greater whole and to remembering that holiness. I’m full of life, of possibility, of seeds gestating as they await their time to sprout. I’m filled with joy as companion to the sadness, with curiosity that accompanies knowing, with care for self, for others, for all life.

I feel these extremes and polarities as I observe the world and even as I observe self. Empty and full. Emptying and filling. Fallow, sacred ground attuned to winter, yet feeling a toe in the water of spring.

Deep within, I trust that life is unfolding as it should in a universe that is kind as my heart aches for the suffering of all victims and perpetrators and for my own unconscious role as perpetrator. And I am prayerFULL that we will remember who we are, the truth of our being, and that our being here, now will contribute to creating, sustaining, and maintaining the universe as a friendly place.

May it be so!

Khenpo Karthar Stupa

REST: Pure and (Mostly) Simple

Thinker - Contemplation in the Woods Out Back

As the seasons become less recognizable and more nuanced, it feels even more crucial to follow their lead and adhere to their lessons while we still can. It’s less about remembering the weather and more about the flow, the pattern, and the creative tempo. Noticing the intricacy of the seasons wherever you live is akin to tapping into a well of details, subject matter, and lessons that might otherwise go overlooked. Jacqueline Suskin (A Year In Practice: Seasonal Rituals and Prompts to Awaken Cycles of Creative Expression)

How could our world be if we allowed the ground of our lives to experience the fallowness of fields at rest in winter?

Yes, we’re almost a full month into this 24th year of the century. The date, 1-24, feels auspicious as I finally settle in to write much later in the day than is my usual routine. This is the first of 12 24th days of this 24th year.

A quick search online offers up a variety of positives for the number 24: deep connection with family and relationships; harmony, balance, and good fortune; a strong sense of responsibility, compassion, and nurturing nature; empathic. But I digress …

Rest. Rest. Rest. Winter is the season of rest. Nature rests in winter and this year I’m exploring how to more closely align my life with the season, a season with almost two months ahead of us before we burst into spring. So say our calendars even if our bodies have long since forgotten.

This year I’m asking my body to listen and to remember. I’m exploring and experimenting with the question of what deep rest means to me and, since this body wasn’t built for the deep rest of bear’s hibernation, what it can look like as I engage in the activities of maintaining life and interacting in the world.

I’m learning and discovering that sleep and stillness, while important, are only elements of rest. With intention and mindfulness of how I’m BEing I can invoke a state of rest as I walk in the woods out back and even as I move about engaging the daily ‘to do’ activities of life maintenance. I’m discovering that how I’m BEing as I move about determines whether the activity is restorative and restful or drains energy. Simple mindfulness and choice can call forth rest in the midst of movement.

The flow of each day varies, seemingly in response to the intention of deep rest and operating with few plans, appointments, or commitments other than to the rest itself. Morning time habits and routines, generally slow, are much slower, elongating time between waking and the morning walk or breaking fast. Slower too is the pace of and attention to activity as I hold this intention for rest and self-care, seeming to call forth a deeper level of awareness and care in almost all that I do.

It gives me pause to wonder and dream. Wonder how our world might be if we listened to the voice of Nature and Her rhythms. Wonder how our world could be if we allowed the ground of our lives to experience the fallowness of fields at rest in winter? Wonder what we might discover if we learned to truly rest and reflect? Dream that the Winter Solstice is a celebration welcoming the season of rest and return to the true meaning of the season’s holy days, honoring that which is true for one another? Dream what could be possible if we rested together, laying down our weapons of war and of words?

To BE quiet. To listen.

What might we hear from the deep voice of our souls? Might we find ways to unwind the wound-up wounds that divide us? Could we heal? Would we dare be such a threat to the corporatocracy of wars (those of weapons and those of words) that thrives on sustaining our unrest, our dis-ease?

This time of rest and pulling back from the world calls forth such musing. Not to find ‘the’ answers, but to wonder and to call forth possibility and to imagine the creation of a world where harmony prevails. Harmony with self. Harmony with others. Harmony with home, Mother Earth. Harmony with the flow of the cosmos. Harmony within. Harmony without.

Rest. Pure rest. Could it be a simple solution to the chaos and discord of our world?

Mountains at Rest in the Clouds

Challenged to Walk My Talk

Dragons Dancing in the Morning Light

The most important work of our time may well be to maintain a high frequency grounded in love as walk through the seemingly mundane tasks and choices of life. Worry, angst, criticism, and fear are low frequency energies that block our access to intention, vision, and creating our world anew.

As the polar vortex seemed to pass our region by (quite disorienting to wake to a balmy 24 degrees and discover that it’s minus 5 just a short 50 miles away and beyond across much of the country), a convergence of seemingly unrelated events in relatively quick succession conspired to invite me to walk my talk.

Yesterday morning gazing into the fire I’d just built in the wood stove, watching the flames dance and observing to see if I needed to make adjustments, I thought of fiery extremes – from a match to light a candle or ignite the tinder starting this contained fire that warm hearth, home, and heart to uncontrolled wildfires changing forever the landscape and all life in its path. The later bringing death and destruction and ultimately rebirth and regeneration.

THIS is the divine perfection of a greater whole that calls forth Life’s cycles. THIS is the power that sources Life. THIS is CREATION.

Then I thought of planetary influences, each with their own extremes of expression. Fiery Mars and its continuum from the wise, compassionate will of the benevolent warrior in heart-based action on behalf of Life to its shadow, the angry warrior who kills on command – command of another or the command of a fearful mind separate from and threatened by any ‘other’ who dares be different from the self he knows and those around who mirror that self, having forgotten the wiser Self that is but a cell in the greater whole.

Capturing these thoughts in my journal, I wrote, ‘why do we feed this cancer with hate and fear that divides, chooses sides, and grows, just as we feel our minds and bodies thoughts and foods that feed disease within?’ And then, a quick prayer: Bring us back to wisdom, to our greater knowing that we are ONE.

Suddenly mind began to pop like popcorn in a hot pan. A flurry of ideas moved through me, visions of how I want the world to be for our grandchildren and generations beyond them and mostly focused on politics, governance, and the basis on which we make choices. I felt uplifted and inspired and a sense that ‘we can do this!’

I felt plopped square in the middle of the deep knowing that the most important work of our time may well be to maintain a high frequency grounded in love as walk through the seemingly mundane tasks and choices of life. Worry, angst, criticism, and fear are low frequency energies that block our access to intention, vision, and creating our world anew.

As the day unfolded, unknowing co-conspirators, including my canine companion Zadie Byrd presented the choice and the challenge to walk that talk. As if on a mission, Zades began this uncoordinated, yet easily flowing parade with an admonition to ‘not be too serious in my care for her and in my attention to the world’. Speaking through a friend who’s an animal communicator, she asked that I not engage in negativity and that we “move forward”. Doggie wisdom for sure!

A flash of Alfred E. Neuman’s “What, me worry?” ran through me. Yet as the day’s parade marched on, I was invited to own that, yes, I do. And to recognize that the worry isn’t serving me, Zades, or the multiple fields of which I’m a part. Indeed, that worry is simply creating more of the same – reasons to worry, to feel angst, and even to drop into fear.

The tricky thing is that my worry is subtle and sometimes cloaks itself in care so that I won’t recognize it. Concern for a member of my community currently experiencing challenges or Zades’ health, for example. Angst about the current political divides and rancor in political rhetoric. And what about AI, the economy, etc. etc.?

As the parade marched on, an email from a long-time colleague and friend landed in my in-box, announcing her new podcast, Terrified Nation: Can We Save It? – a title that from almost any other source would have garnered a quick peck of the delete button. But I know this person to be a visionary. She has been working in the political realm for decades to bridge divides and several months back launched American Futures, a challenge to define what we imagine for our future (click here to explore and share your vision!)

As I listened to the first introductory podcast episodes (and I encourage you to do so here), I realized how this subtle, sneaky worry detracts me from maintaining a clear intention and vision of how I want life to be. After years of practice and applying what I know about how life works, I can still get caught up in the fear-mongering fray.

But, thanks to a band of unknowing co-conspirators to wake me up to the subtlety, I’m committed to focus my energy on what I envision for self, for Zades, for home and hearth, for community, for planet, and beyond. This is my brand of ‘woke’!

Vigilance and vision are required to walk my talk. A vigilant visionary I aim to be!

Sunset over the San Juans