Father Time: Order or Control?

A wise and benevolent father protects the day-by-day life of his progeny and prepares them for an endless journey of growth, development, and maturity.  Gregge Tiffen (Father Time – June 2007)*

Eat When You're Hungry ...

Benevolence, an inclination to do good or be kind, and wisdom having or showing good judgement, are qualities worthy of developing. We tend to think of benevolence as an outward gesture, doing good for others. Recently, I’ve been reading more of Gregge Tiffen’s early work and reflecting on time, the clock and how it is used as a mechanism for manipulation and control.  It led me to think that we might be wise to take a different look at time.

This week, many will honor fathers and father figures for their roles in preparing us for this journey called life.  The benevolent, wise father created context and order in our early life giving us a foundation on which to set sail on our course in life.  For them, we are grateful.

Others lived a different experience: fathers, who lacking wisdom and benevolence, sought to control. For them, with forgiveness, we can also be grateful. And, perhaps that forgiveness can come more easily when we understand that fathers may feel trapped in systems that equate success with control and that honor time over natural instinct and cycles.

Harmony is the essence of nature and natural cycles. As I experiment with living less by the clock and more by awareness of my personal cycles, I feel more harmonious within.  And, I’m discovering that’s not so easy to do in this world.

Rest When You're Weary ...

We use time as a weapon. I found myself doing just that this morning when I called the sign painter to inquire about progress on my Dragonfly House sign that was to be finished a few weeks ago. In a world where systems are built on time, I find it hard to let go and trust that the sign will be ready in divine perfect time.  And yet I know how negatively deadlines impact me. I wonder why it’s difficult to extend that knowing to be compassionate with others about time. Then I realize that I live in the midst of accepted systems where time is used to control and that I’ve bought into them.

We put pressure on ourselves with words and beliefs about scarcity of time (‘I don’t have time …’). Over the years, I’d guess that this has been a concern of over half of my coaching clients, as it has been for me in the past. Some years ago, I broke the habit of using that language and replaced it with ‘I have enough time for everything that is important in my life’. Slowly that became my belief. With practice we can ease the pressure and begin to make choices that honor our natural rhythms – not as a program to complete, but as an exploration of a different way to live, a way that, in my experience, offers much personal satisfaction, harmony, and peace. 

Eat when you’re hungry. Rest when you’re weary. Bloom when you’re ready. That may be the best of benevolence and wisdom in a world that sometimes seems to have lost both.

Bloom When You're Ready ... That's wisdom and the ultimate self-kindness.

Change

Do you see the elephant?

The Universe is going to act upon what you do no matter what it is. Gregge Tiffen (The Language of a Mystic – May, 2009)

I chuckled as I wrote the title of this post when I realized that only four letters are different from last week’s title (Choice).  Sometimes I notice little details like that and they bring me a smile. Simply fun, no meaning attached.  I’m aware this represents a change from my former ‘serious’ self.

Yesterday I received an email ‘request for proposal’ from someone searching an online database for a coach. The individual shared that she wanted “more great clients, more newsletter subscribers, and to lose 15 pounds.” It reminded me of another aspect of my former self and of coaching clients over the years: we want our circumstances to be different, but we don’t want to change.

You’ve likely had some experience in this. At one point in my life I continually said that I wanted to quit smoking. In reality, I wanted to want to. Only when I became clear that my health was more important than the habit did I truly want to quit. And, I did.

In this 5th month of the year, change is in the air and with that change I’m aware of the Universe responding, not necessarily in ways I expect or even that I fully understand.

Some of that awareness is external manifestation. In terms of my most recent business (ad)venture, the Dragonfly House B&B, I expected that my attention to creating inviting, comfy spaces in my home, along with an awesome logo and new business cards would generate business. It has!  I enjoy sharing my home and I tap into that joy as I take on the mundane tasks required for each visitor’s comfort.  I expect the Universe to respond to both my actions and my attitude.

Recent guests prepare for departure.

In my coaching business, I’m experiencing the Universe’s response in unexpected ways, and noticing that Universal timing doesn’t always seem to match my own.  Over the past year I’ve put little attention there other than writing this blog each week and on being present for and giving each client my very best. Lately I’ve been asking the question ‘what’s next in my professional life?’ with no pressure to have an answer. That question is coupled with thoughts about reaching a wider audience. Again, I feel no sense of urgency. I’m simply curious and open.

It seems the Universe has acted upon that as well, providing a forum for me to be interviewed and for ‘The Zone’ to be featured to the audience of a leading coach training organization. YES! (and, yes, I’ll post a link when it’s available!)

Whatever is present in our life is the result of our actions and the Universe’s response. That is the law.  When we change we give the Universe something new to act upon and magnify. With experimentation and practice, we can use the law of cause and effect (karma if you will) to our benefit with awareness, gratitude, and a sense of wonder.

'Come on Mom ... we're almost to my favorite spot!'

Choice

Stormy Weather on the Peaks ...

You’re always in a position to decide if you want to have any reaction to what’s going on.  Gregge Tiffen (Open Secrets: An Air of Optimism)

Weather is always one thing that’s going on in our lives. When the weather suits us and fits whatever we have planned, we may be grateful, if we have any awareness of it at all.  If not, our cultural habit is to label the weather ‘bad’.  And so it is with many in my community these days in the midst of record breaking rain and snow:  “I’ve never seen this much bad weather in May …”; “… this awful weather …”; etc.

Like many others, I’ve had to rearrange plans. Outside projects like planting the garden, cleaning up limbs broken in the snow storm, and painting trim on the house have been delayed.  And yet, I noticed my own reaction is that of being deeply grateful for the moisture. I’m enjoying feeling as if I’ve been beamed to the Pacific Northwest.  I’ve even noticed an absence of being annoyed by Luke’s muddy paws.

Then I noticed that I hadn’t consciously chosen my reaction. It just is what it is. I only became aware of it when I noticed that I bristled a bit upon hearing others’ complaints.  That awareness reminded me that I always have a choice, whether I choose consciously or not.  It was also a reminder that everyone has their own story, their own reaction, no one better than another.  

It also reminded me that my habits of belief, grounded in gratitude, lead me to make choices which enhance the quality of my life.  Those are the kind of choices I aim to make more consistently as I navigate this adventure.

As if I’d asked for a test, this morning I woke with a sense of being off kilter and feeling disoriented, not my usual Thursday morning ‘oh boy, today is my blog writing day!’  As I stretched and began to move about, I refused to allow any worry to take hold, reminding myself that the message always shows up.  I felt drawn to be out in nature, so rearranged my morning practice to start with our morning walk. Unlike my habitual reaction to the weather, this was conscious choice – step by step, thought by thought.

As I walked the labyrinth, I remembered to give direction to my body, my cells: “Take in only harmony and beauty. No pressure. Trust what you know.”

Voila! This week’s post emerged as it has for 92 weeks now, with learning and awareness on my journey that I hope translates to your journey as well.

... Brings Green to the Foothills!

Self-Belief Revisited

Strong self-belief helps us weather life's storms with ease and grace ...

The Universe doesn’t make ninnies. Gregge Tiffen (Tax Time: Are You Taxing Yourself?)

 About this time last year, I penned a blog post inspired by two important people in my life: my amazing stepson who had just written a short post about unconditional love on Facebook and my coach who proposed the idea that self-belief “provides the freedom for individuals to acknowledge one another’s beliefs without interference”.  In my reflection, the two wove together creating the idea that “self-belief is the foundation for love”. (You can see that post here: cindyreinhardt.com/blog/self-belief-is-the-foundation-for-love).  And, I wrote about its relationship to personal peace earlier this year (cindyreinhardt.com/blog/the-gift-of-self-belief).

This week as I was preparing for an interview, last year’s post caught my eye. It led me to take time to review Gregge Tiffen’s writing on the subject and to look at my own self-belief. 

I started with a fundamental question:  What do you believe? Then, as I reflected a bit, a distinction began to emerge: What is the foundation of your beliefs? Are they grounded in what you do or in what you are?  I sensed a clear difference.

If beliefs are grounded in what you do, you will likely find yourself continually pressured to do in order to ‘prove’ your worth.  Most of us know this first hand. We’ve ‘been there/done that’ and we live in a culture that seems to call us to stay on this treadmill.  We do, do, do and, yet, make little progress other than checking things off of our ‘to do’ list. Standards and expectations constantly change so we are forever ‘doing’ just to feel like we are keeping up.

On the other hand, what do you believe about what you are?  Over the past year of changes, I’ve deepened my belief in and understanding that we live a benevolent Universe as beloved children of that Universe.  (Yes, I am loved. I need do nothing to prove it. And, the same is true for you!)  In his writings about self-belief, Gregge shares that we are created in the image of the Universe as “strong, dependable, creative, self-assured, intelligent, harmonious, complete.”  Nothing (NO thing) needs to be added.

These qualities reside in every cell of our body. We OWN our cells and part of our learning is to discover how to direct them.  If you are reading this post, you are alive. You have navigated the valleys and challenges of life by doing just this, perhaps with little or no awareness, but with a level of determination and conviction that got you through.

With this awareness we can embrace these many victories and allow them to nurture our self-belief. Yet, all too often we see a list of qualities like this and stories about how we fall short crop up in abundance drowning out any urge to celebrate. Our job is to stop such stories in their tracks.  We do so by remembering both what we are and that ‘the Universe doesn’t make ninnies.’

I believe that it is here in our self-belief that we make real progress in life. In self-belief we find success, security and all those things that we have struggled to acquire. We struggled because we looked outside ourselves (our cells) for what truly is an inside job.

... And, to not take ourselves too seriously. (Mom, can we go play now?)

Reverence for All Mothers

Mother Nature Nurtures with Spring Snow to Increase Summertime Flow!

Mother Nature, planet Earth, gave us our power, our life, our energy. People who give allegiance to the trees, the wind, the sun recognize that the Earth has acted as a parent. They understand that the planet maintains them.  Gregge Tiffen (Mother Nature)

As Mother’s Day approaches here in the United States and many other countries, Mother Nature is doing some of her best nurturing here in the Colorado Rockies, offering periodic showers of rain in the foothills and new blankets of snow high on the peaks above.  Blessed moisture.

It reminds me of my own mother’s nurturing and love, always there when needed yet never smothering or too much. Marge mirrored nature’s balance and grace in many ways.  Although she departed this life some 36 years ago, I think of her often, always with gratitude and a smile: with reverence.

We would do well to learn more about our mothers. Not just our experience of them, but more deeply how the planet, Mother Nature, calls forth the perfect design of birth and surrounds us with the gentle guidance of how to live. If only we were trained and would take the time to listen. 

As I observe nature and explore energy more closely, some of the hardening of the world’s ways falls away. I soften. And, at the same time, I know that I am stronger from that connection with Mother Earth. She reminds me that at any age I can return to the childlike wonder I see in the pictures of my step-granddaughter who just celebrated her first cycle around the sun. 

As I begin to understand energy and nature more deeply, I find something that I can fully put my trust in. I may not always like her answers, but Mother Nature I can count on.  From that foundation of trust, I can allow my curiosity to run wild. I can tap into the energy of enthusiasm (the god inside). I can feel a sense of personal satisfaction that no one can give me. And, I can be generous with myself and with others.

We honor our mothers in many ways: with calls, cards, flowers and gifts of all sorts.  But perhaps the greatest reverence we can show is to tap into our inner Mother Nature, to expand, to grow, to consciously call upon the source from which our mothers received all that they have given us and from which we too receive all that we need to nurture ourselves, our family, our pets, our community and, indeed, the planet herself. 

So, let everyday be Mother’s Day. Glimpse the joyful flight of a humming bird and hear the whirr of her fast beating wings. Smell the rain. Taste fresh, organic food. Feel the earth under your feet and know that you are loved.

The Coming of the Green!

ASK! Don't Tell.

A spring storm, like a dusty corner, brings gifts to life.

Only you can truly know you. Me

As a coach, I’m trained to ask and to listen. Then to ask again, giving my client the space and structure to discover the approach, the answer, the insight that only they can divine. The ‘ah ha’ moments that has brought over the years are rich, exciting and a large part of the satisfaction my work has given me.

Asking not telling is an approach that’s also aligned with what I know metaphysically: only you can truly know you. It’s a powerful way of relating to others not just to clients or customers. Asking creates openings where ‘telling’ or ‘being told’ closes doors (I know. I dislike being told – sometimes even when I’ve first asked to be.)

Of course, we all know this. But, this week, I discovered places where I’m not using what I know. I noticed that I was using a different approach in conversations where I was wearing my ‘community leader’ hat.  The awareness came as I reflected on several conversations from which I’d come away feeling restless, dissatisfied, bummed.

As many reflections do, it started with ‘them’: if only they would … (I’m guessing you’re familiar with this reflection).

Then, as I went a little deeper, I saw that rather than starting with my natural care and curiosity to create spaciousness in the conversation, I was starting with ‘I know. Let me tell you.’  I was assuming (we all know about ass-u-me) – not consciously of course – that I was being told something in order to solicit my opinion. I was using the conversation not as a place for exploration, but as a place for telling what I (think that) I know. 

As the place where much of our learning starts, let’s just say that ‘it wasn’t pretty’.  It was a dark, dusty corner asking for the light of attention: the light of bringing my caring, curious self to these community conversations and of using my ‘knowing self’ much more selectively.

I noticed something else as well. I’ve come to a place in life where I can identify these dark, dusty corners without the guilt and beating myself up for not being the perfect, caring, curious me.  I like discovering those dark, dusty corners. They represent where new learning begins. And, in a Universe meant for learning, that’s a great measure of success.

Blanca Peak showing off her fresh spring snow on a clear, crisp spring morning.

Life's Knots

Springtime In the Rockies!

Every knot was once a straight rope. Gregge Tiffen

Sometimes, especially when we’re surprised by an unexpected challenge, we go negative. Fear and worry set in.  We may find it difficult to sleep. Our focus stays fixed on the problem and our fear that we don’t know what to do.   On some level we all know better.  But our ability to tap into that knowing is blocked by our negativity.

It’s at these times that Gregge’s metaphor of the knot once being a straight rope reminds me of another of his truisms: “There is always an answer.”  Ahhh … breathe that in for a moment. There is always an answer.  (Rinse. Repeat.)

I’m taking a bit of a turn this week to share a process that I discovered from reading a transcript of a lecture that Gregge offered over 30 years ago. The context of the lecture is health and strength of the cells.  He says, “The argument for good health in terms of cellular strength is the argument that says you cannot be affected by the negative to any degree as long as the cells are healthy because they will not sustain this negative flow going through. The cells will reject the information and turn it into a positive form.”

So, my health is a critical factor in how I respond to life, in particular my ability to access beliefs like ‘there is always an answer’ when the pressure is on.  As I read on, just beginning to scratch the surface of this obvious yet potentially life changing idea, Gregge offered this simple three step process for clearing the system of the toxicity of worry:

1.      Run around the block – Exert yourself to the point of huffing and puffing to “clear the blood and strengthen the cells”.  Put your attention on that intention: clearing the negativity rather than on the knot that you need to untie.

2.      Drink lots of water – Drink lots of water to “flush and neutralize the system”.

3.      Go to bed – sleep. And, if tomorrow finds you still anxious and worried rather than able to face the knot, repeat the process.  I believe that Einstein once said that he solved many problems by taking a nap.

This is contrary to much of our learning and the habits that we’ve developed. We believe that we need to focus on the problem and worry over it until it is solved.  We put tremendous pressure on ourselves (our cells) to do just that.  As I discover more and more, I see just how high the cost of that pressure is: our good health.

Thankfully, I’m not faced with a big life knot right now. And that seems like a good time to start a new practice: shifting the intention and focus of my exercise, water intake, and rest to strengthening myself (my cells) for the time when just such a knot will appear. 

The Wings of Curiosity

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. Albert Einstein

One absolute, fundamental characteristic of consciousness is curiosity. Gregge Tiffen

Curiosity, I discovered this week, is a powerful antidote to stress. That’s reason enough for its existence. Of course, in hindsight, my discovery seems obvious. Questioning almost always serves in some way. Yet, I don’t recall ever invoking curiosity as I did this week: as a conscious choice to move through and beyond a situation which I found myself overly stressed about.

In the midst of a jackhammer breaking up concrete outside my front door (a most unnatural sound here in the quiet of the Sangre de Cristo mountains), I found myself worrying about the operator (a valid concern – though he was most careful) and about whether the removal was a good idea and if he could create a good clean line where the existing concrete was to remain. Then, I piled on a few more concerns: would the pavers I selected work, would the workers show up, how much would it cost … and the list goes on.

After a short attempt without success to concentrate on something else, I realized that I needed to address my self-induced stress head on. I needed to choose differently. Enter curiosity, that innate sense that lives in consciousness. I invoked my belief that life is a series of events and experiments from which I learn. And, I simply decided to be curious with all of the questions.

Which ones could I answer now?  Ah, those that were about me and about the stress: what’s the source, what do I need, what actions will serve me. The brief time reflecting restored my grounding, and from that stability, I was able to sort out what I have some measure of control over (you guessed it: ‘me’) and what I needed to trust (right again: everyone else and how it was going to turn out).

There’s a saying that “curiosity killed the cat”. Misplaced or idle curiosity perhaps doesn’t serve or can even work against us. But, for me, embracing curiosity proved to be an insightful and powerful antidote to an afternoon where stress wanted to take over for an extended stay. Remembering that I’m in charge of me, I ordered stress to leave with the gentleness that curiosity brought forward.

Stress flies away on the wings of curiosity.

The deck is coming right along too & Luke approves!

Naming Without Blaming

Finger-pointing and blame-finding are exercises in self degradation. We are not born accusers. Accusing and complaining are learned, negative habits.  Gregge Tiffen (Tax Time: Are You Taxing Yourself?)*

How does one take responsibility without walking into the negative energy of blame and shame? It would seem easy, yet who among us has not engaged in ‘I should have known better …’ and its corollaries: ‘It’s my fault …’; ‘I’m so dumb (bad, stupid, etc.)’? 

I don’t know about you, but such negativity was an auto-pilot reaction for much of my life.  Then, I began to see the costs – low energy, dis-satisfaction, limited opportunity, a sense of lack and not being/doing ‘enough’.   I was cut off from the consistent, reliable flow of universal creative energy.

Over time and with practice, I’ve shifted. I’ve come to know the Universe as a friendly place, not a trap waiting to nab me when I err.  Amidst several opportunities to beat myself up this week, I noticed that for the most part I was choosing a different path.

I was noticing each blunder. From the banking error to the hot water heater going ‘kaput’, I was being kind to me. At the same time, I was being honest with myself. The costly bank error was mine (and not in my favor!).  After a valiant though unsuccessful effort to get the bank to waive their fee, I looked at where I’d erred, adjusted my internal systems to (hopefully) avoid a recurrence AND I let it go. No blame. No shame. 

As I was arranging for a new hot water heater (necessary because my hot water began to look rusty colored over the weekend), I realized that just a week or so before, the thought had crossed my mind that ‘perhaps a larger heater would better serve my needs’.  Voila! Through my thoughts, it seems that I created the opportunity for that larger heater.  A random thought manifested! I erred in not being aware of it, having a clear intention, time frame and manifesting the resources to do it with ease.  

As I reflected on these and a few other learning opportunities this week, I realized that I’ve come to understand and live into the belief that, as Gregge says, “The Universe does not make ninnies. The Universe has created you in Its image as strong, dependable, creative, self-assured, intelligent, harmonious, and complete.”  I AM that!  And, YOU are that too!

We have only to choose to be what we truly are.  With discipline and practice, those very qualities that reside in our cells spring forth to quash the ‘coulda, woulda, shoulda, I’m not enough’ reactions that our culture seems to nurture.  Myself and my cells like our choice!

(Re) Cycles

"It takes a period of time (a cycle) for you to recognize what you have learned before you are ready to initiate your new cycle …" - Gregge Tiffen

Lest you think that I’m getting a jump on Earth Day later this month, I’m recycling (with updates) my post from this time last year.

Cycles are in my thoughts this week as spring has arrived and as I launch a new annual cycle in my life – my 65th year.  I feel pulled just a bit in this time between the arrival of spring’s warmth with its pull of new beginnings and my own annual cycle wrapping up with its invitation to reflect and evaluate the experiences of the year.

I’ve been dancing with each this week. I’ve engaged in conversations about getting our garden started. Construction of the new deck is underway. I’m also reflecting and celebrating the accomplishments of my 64th year:

·       Becoming a grandmother

·       Purchasing a home, making improvements, and welcoming my first B&B guests last summer

·       Creating a new culture in a local agency where I serve as president of the board

·       Walking the maze of Medicare and supplemental plans and enrolling in what seems right for me

·       Deepening gratitude for and satisfaction with my life, while welcoming the learning I have yet to experience.

That last accomplishment is likely the process that made the others possible.  And, like last year, I have the legacy that Gregge Tiffen left behind and which is growing as Patrece continues to publish more of his works. 

In this new cycle I’m excited to dive in even more deeply to understand and experiment with how the Universe works, how energy flows, and how to walk through the world as the truly unique individual that I am.  Those are the areas where my curiosity is drawn, and from which perhaps, my next work in the world will emerge.

In this sacred week of beginning another annual cycle, I look forward time for review and reflection here amongst the trees and in the shadow of the Sangres. I hold these questions in my heart and mind as take that look back:

• Where am I?
• What have I accomplished?
• What is my progress?
• What do I choose next on my journey of progression?

While these are especially powerful questions to reflect on as one cycle ends and another begins, it occurs to me as I observe the chaos in our world that they are worthy questions at any time and in most any situation.  They create a container within which we can reach the clarity of thought needed to take life’s next step.

As I look ahead to my new year, that is the clarity that I want to bring and to apply in new ways.

Does life get any better than the joy of learning and experimenting and feeling the deep gratitude for whatever we experience moment to moment, cycle to cycle?

Question for the Week:  What cycles do you observe and honor in your life?  What richness do they add?