The Challenge of Independence

A Road Less Traveled ...

It is a crucial requirement that each of us become an independent thinker an independent person as an aware consciousness. Gregge Tiffen (The Language of A Mystic: Innovation - October, 2009)

Those who know me, would likely agree that I’m fiercely independent.  A leader in the coaching community once labelled me a ‘contrarian’ (I would wear the badge proudly). And, some of you might be smiling or shaking your head in agreement about now.

This week though I’ve begun exploring independence from its opposite: dependence. The exploration comes forth from this musing in my journal in a couple days ago:

If the truth of lack is abundance, how can truth be applied to the budget of the local water district where I serve on the board? How can I apply this truth more powerfully to my own finances?

The vast San Luis Valley reminds me that abundance is the truth.

Warning: you won’t find the answers in this post.  I’m still in the exploration.  I have more questions than answers (and, that’s a good thing!).  What I’ve come to see (in a BFO – blinding flash of the obvious) is that independent thinking leading to innovation requires experimentation.  In our culture, we’ve erected numerous barriers … dependencies, if you will … to truly independent thinking and the action that follows. 

These dependencies create a complex web that is often ignored. Take for example being dependent on a job (or having enough clients) for money to meet the needs of self and family. Or, in the case of public agencies like the water district, being dependent on generating sufficient revenue to pay the costs to keep each tap flowing. The complexity encompasses not just the issues on the surface, but a dependency that values knowing, order, and getting things right over curiosity, experimentation, and possibly needing to make course corrections.

Dependencies are embedded deep in our culture from systems and life experience. In school, we learned that good grades come giving ‘right’ answers. We carry this forward to careers, jobs, businesses, institutions – praising what’s ‘right’, condemning what isn’t – our dependency on being accepted and approved trumping our willingness to experiment, learn, grow, change and, yes, be alone in taking our stand.

Now that I see the challenge more clearly, what new possibilities will emerge? What would an innovative approach to public finance and a budget shortfall look like from the perspective of knowing that abundance (not lack and its associated fears) is a universal truth – that there is always enough?  What conversation can open that door?  What dependencies and pre-conceived ideas must I let go of to invite and engage the conversation?  How will I tap into the courage to do just that?

Yep, more questions than answers. I’ll let you know what emerges in the weeks ahead. Meanwhile, what are you dependent upon that is in the way of living the independent life you were designed to live?

Morning light and the Zigguraut never fail to offer just what I need ... calm, inspiration, beauty (and the list goes on).

A Thought Never Dies

Hints of Fall Begin to Dot the Slopes

Every thought we have and every word we speak goes out into this infinite Universe and stays there. Every thought we have has an effect on us and our planet as well.  Gregge Tiffen [Life in the World Hereafter: The Journey Continues & The Journey Continues: In Search of Wisdom – September 2010]

The above quotes got my attention this morning as they were what my eyes landed on in each of the two books I picked up as I began to muse about today’s post.  I wondered just what the heck they had to do with an event this week that I’ve been reflecting on and guessed that I’d be writing about.

Last week I wrote about the need for forgiveness to forge peace.  Other than questioning the level of my own courage to forgive, my reflections were more global.  Said another way, they were more about the world and others than developing my own capacity to forgive.

As is the way of learning, the issue was brought home to me this week in one of those ‘small events of life’ that generated deep reflection and questioning: a conundrum, as yet with no clear ‘answer’.  An unresolved conflict between what I claim my values to be and choices I make that aren’t aligned with them. I’m grateful for the curiosity which inspires me to explore and want to sort it out.

This idea that a thought never dies that it goes forth into the Universe forever has my attention in this internal conflict.  You see, for all my thoughts of peace breaking out all over the world, I experience being annoyed by and being concerned about the impact on me and my environment by some of nature’s creatures. I call them ‘pests’: mosquitos and mice to name two specifically.

I aim not to give them much energy or attention. But sometimes they demand it.  During mosquito season, my inner killer came forth daily as dozens would follow me or guests in the door. Without much thought I swatted them. Dead.  Months before, after experiencing an infestation of mice that I was unable to control by natural means, I made the difficult decision to use poison.  Unlike mosquito swatting, I made a conscious choice.

I had the awareness that this choice wasn’t aligned with my claim to value non-violence and peace. While it’s been successful in reducing the mouse population, I’ve never been totally at peace.  It isn’t what I want to contribute or how I want to express myself in the world. Every choice is after all an expression of me.  Yet, I rationalize my decision with the success of not hearing mice scurrying in the walls.  

Enter this weekend, a larger creature.  In the dark of the night, it took bites out of every piece of fruit in my two fruit bowls and knocked several items off of the kitchen counter.  Other ‘evidence’ clearly indicated that it wasn’t a mouse. While I was definitely upset, my thoughts didn’t go to ‘kill it’.  And, as I reached out for advice on dealing with the situation, the clearest was to “set a live trap”.   That action was a success, and a rascally young pack rat has been relocated to a remote area several miles away and, hopefully, its point of entry sealed: a small victory for non-violence and for own thought process.

Compassion for the Perpetrator

Although I’m keenly aware that my thinking and my choice contribute to negativity on the planet and to our human propensity toward violence against one another, I’m not at the place of reversing my mouse control decision.  The angst and curiosity of the conundrum will continue at least for a while.

A Beautiful Path for Strolling Contemplation

Back to School/Back to Joy

Early Morning Orbs at the Ziggurat

If we are to live in joy and in accomplishment, we must release our cells from self-imposed restrictions so they can sense, interpret and move us with the changing times. We need to be ready to respond and to use our experiences to our advantage.  Gregge Tiffen (What You Should Get From Education - 2007

It’s ‘back to school’ week here in the Sangres. This morning’s quote provided me with the ‘back to school’ jolt I needed to recognize that I’d fallen into a pattern of rote response to daily events. No joy. No awareness of using those events to my advantage.

Fortunately ‘back to school’ didn’t require pre-school shopping and scurrying around (plenty of the later just tending to life). I simply needed to STOP, breathe, recognize and reset.  I stopped early yesterday, putting my head on the pillow before darkness fell.  I wasn’t aware just what that stopping would bring, and after a few deep breaths of gratitude, I was fast asleep.

It was only when I hit the books this morning for the spark of inspiration to kick off this week’s post that I took the time to recognize (and acknowledge) that I was slogging through events each day.  I was ‘getting things done’ and in the doing I was more focused on what needed to be done next than on the activity at hand.

I wasn’t miserable, but I definitely felt stressed. And, where there is stress, there is no joy and little, if any true accomplishment. Yes, tasks get done, but without the awareness needed for the experience to bring forth any wisdom. Unknowingly, I’d stepped back into some old ways, rotely responding to Luke’s needs, my garden’s call to ‘come harvest’, preparing meals, running my B&B, attending a county commissioner’s meeting, and a host of other ‘to dos’.  The quote above woke me up to that awareness with the recognition that I was moving through life with a sense of dread.

So this day (and probably several that follow) is dedicated to resetting and getting me back in tune.  I started on our morning walk, putting my attention on feeling the cool air, smelling the freshness, and hearing the quiet of early morning in this beautiful place.  I set aside the ‘to do’ list and stayed present, allowing the beauty of the day to envelope me. I returned home, interacted with a departing guest, cared for Luke and then took myself out on the deck with a nourishing bowl of fruit and cup of tea. 

I took some time to reflect on this process of ‘resetting’ and outlined what I wanted to commit to in this reset:

·        Take time as each task is complete to recognize the accomplishment.

·        Step into each task with joy and gratitude.

·        Keep my attention on the task at hand, not ‘what’s next’.

·        Take care of me – rest and nourishment when I need them (not when I have time for them).

I’m clear that the return to my old ways of moving through each day put me out of sync with the current patterns of the Universe and of me. Perhaps that’s true on such a broad scale that the world is in ever increasing chaos.  What if we each checked our settings regularly to ensure that we are in tune? What kind of world would we create if we simply took time to stop, breathe, recognize, and reset?

The Tree of Joy and Wisdom!

In League With The Angels

“In effect, negative levels of earth consciousness will contribute to defeating the positive levels of non-physical consciousness. In other words, when we have someone who is nasty or when we get depressed, we are in league with the devil. Gregge Tiffen (Do The Angels Take A Vacation? – August, 2007)”

The simple beauty of early morning's haze.

My coach recently shared the fun she had after a momentary panic when she discovered that her computer had been hacked. She was writing away in the wee hours of the morning when suddenly a message popped up to ‘call this number immediately for assistance’.  She called and after paying a fee for the assistance, realized that she’d been had. Rather than trekking the path most of us would likely choose (anger, fear, etc.), she played along, not letting on that she was onto their scam.  While she was getting her computer repaired by a legitimate techie, she took advantage of the 24/7 help that she’d paid for, and called the scammers with questions at all hours of the night.

When she shared this story, I could hear the lightness in voice and feel it in her spirit. Complete absence of feeling like a victim. Her response was much like I imagine the Dali Lama responds when things don’t go exactly as planned on this path.  It was good for a laugh and a reminder to, if you will, take the high road.  (I don’t know about you, but I need that reminder quite frequently.)

I confess: I’m not there consistently regarding current events in my life.  In the last few weeks as I’ve been immersed in concern for and care of Luke (summer allergies and a weakened system seem to have left him vulnerable to mites or some other canine biting critters); along with leading my community in opposition to a marijuana growing operation in our neighborhood and hosting guests in the B&B’s busiest month of the year, I’ve needed to be vigilant to maintain my positivity.

I don’t do so just for my own sake (although life does flow much more easily when I’m in that place), but also as a contribution to the well-being of our planet. I’ve come to understand that we are always contributing to the atmosphere.  I want contribute positively, especially at this time when positivity seems quite needed.

Stories remind me not to take myself and the events in my life too gravely.  Quiet time for reflection opens me to listen for the guidance ever present no matter what opportunities life presents. Being in nature demonstrates to me that being alive is a process and that change is constant. 

These in turn lead me back to my core conviction that my life (indeed all life) is unfolding perfectly for my (our) learning.  I’m reminded as well that, like my coach, I alone am at the helm, choosing how and where to use my energy each moment, each day.

When I choose with anger and fear, I choose to be the victim, in league with the devil’s negativity. When I choose with compassion, love, and grace I see challenges as opportunities to experiment, to create, to learn and grow. I may even get to express me in some new way.

The world would have us believe that only those who do ‘big’ things make a difference. Not so.  Moment to moment, step by step, choice to choice each of us is contributing to the atmosphere on our dear planet earth.  She needs us to make uplifting, positive choices. How will I contribute today? What about you?

The Gift of Resistance

Most of us have two lives: the life we live and the life within us.  Between the two stands Resistance.  Steven Pressfield

In Resistance is the gift. Cindy Reinhardt

A beautiful hike on Spanish Creek in the quiet of morning's beauty.

At one time or another most of us have been told (by self or another) to overcome our resistance and ‘just do it’.  Whatever ‘it’ may be, if we’re resisting then certainly it’s something that we ‘should’ (ugh!) do.  Of course, there are times when this is a choice that serves us, moving us ahead toward a goal or keeping us on a favorable path.  But, for any resistance on the surface, there is something deeper to be discovered.

This week I (re)discovered that the more deeply I examine my resistance (in this case with support from my coach), the richer my awareness is.  All too often though, we don’t take that deeper look.  Heck, I wasn’t even aware that I was resisting.  

My pattern, when I do notice my resistance is for my ‘should-o-meter’ to kick in. I automatically tell myself to ‘stop resisting’ and ‘just do it’. After all, that’s how you conquer life, right?

But what about those times when our resistance may have a different message, one accessible only with a bit of digging?  For me this week the message from resistance was 180 degrees from ‘just do it’.  Upon taking a close look, I saw that my resistance was asking me to reassess a business decision. My clue to look deeper came when I noticed that I felt trapped by that decision. It seemed that I had to do it: no choice, no renegotiation, ‘just do it’. Ugh!

What was it that had me feel trapped? Working with my coach (thank you Patrece!), I realized that I had made a decision to essentially trade my personal peace for a short term financial gain.  I would likely suffer (rather than laugh) all the way to the bank. It’s little wonder that I was resisting. The gain wasn’t worth it.

My willingness to look at my resistance to doing a few small actions presented me with the gift of this awareness.  Had I barreled through and ‘just done’ those things, I mostly likely would have created a week of stress. And that would have taken me significant energy to recover from.  In resistance is the gift.

As I began to see the situation from this perspective, a clear course of action revealed itself. I needed to renegotiate a promise with a customer. Surprisingly, I felt no resistance. That path felt much lighter. After some initial reluctance, the customer agreed. This week is unfolding nicely.

I’m not suggesting that there aren’t times when we need to overcome resistance and just get ourselves into action.  I’m sure that I’ll have those from time to time as I continue this sojourn.  Our learning opportunity is one of discernment, of stepping back and taking a look at our resistance to determine whether it is simply lazy, childish avoidance (yes, we do); an underlying fear that it’s time to address; or, as with me this week, it wants my attention for the sake of inviting me to take a deeper look at a choice that I’ve made.

ASK! Don't Tell.

A spring storm, like a dusty corner, brings gifts to life.

Only you can truly know you. Me

As a coach, I’m trained to ask and to listen. Then to ask again, giving my client the space and structure to discover the approach, the answer, the insight that only they can divine. The ‘ah ha’ moments that has brought over the years are rich, exciting and a large part of the satisfaction my work has given me.

Asking not telling is an approach that’s also aligned with what I know metaphysically: only you can truly know you. It’s a powerful way of relating to others not just to clients or customers. Asking creates openings where ‘telling’ or ‘being told’ closes doors (I know. I dislike being told – sometimes even when I’ve first asked to be.)

Of course, we all know this. But, this week, I discovered places where I’m not using what I know. I noticed that I was using a different approach in conversations where I was wearing my ‘community leader’ hat.  The awareness came as I reflected on several conversations from which I’d come away feeling restless, dissatisfied, bummed.

As many reflections do, it started with ‘them’: if only they would … (I’m guessing you’re familiar with this reflection).

Then, as I went a little deeper, I saw that rather than starting with my natural care and curiosity to create spaciousness in the conversation, I was starting with ‘I know. Let me tell you.’  I was assuming (we all know about ass-u-me) – not consciously of course – that I was being told something in order to solicit my opinion. I was using the conversation not as a place for exploration, but as a place for telling what I (think that) I know. 

As the place where much of our learning starts, let’s just say that ‘it wasn’t pretty’.  It was a dark, dusty corner asking for the light of attention: the light of bringing my caring, curious self to these community conversations and of using my ‘knowing self’ much more selectively.

I noticed something else as well. I’ve come to a place in life where I can identify these dark, dusty corners without the guilt and beating myself up for not being the perfect, caring, curious me.  I like discovering those dark, dusty corners. They represent where new learning begins. And, in a Universe meant for learning, that’s a great measure of success.

Blanca Peak showing off her fresh spring snow on a clear, crisp spring morning.

The Wings of Curiosity

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. Albert Einstein

One absolute, fundamental characteristic of consciousness is curiosity. Gregge Tiffen

Curiosity, I discovered this week, is a powerful antidote to stress. That’s reason enough for its existence. Of course, in hindsight, my discovery seems obvious. Questioning almost always serves in some way. Yet, I don’t recall ever invoking curiosity as I did this week: as a conscious choice to move through and beyond a situation which I found myself overly stressed about.

In the midst of a jackhammer breaking up concrete outside my front door (a most unnatural sound here in the quiet of the Sangre de Cristo mountains), I found myself worrying about the operator (a valid concern – though he was most careful) and about whether the removal was a good idea and if he could create a good clean line where the existing concrete was to remain. Then, I piled on a few more concerns: would the pavers I selected work, would the workers show up, how much would it cost … and the list goes on.

After a short attempt without success to concentrate on something else, I realized that I needed to address my self-induced stress head on. I needed to choose differently. Enter curiosity, that innate sense that lives in consciousness. I invoked my belief that life is a series of events and experiments from which I learn. And, I simply decided to be curious with all of the questions.

Which ones could I answer now?  Ah, those that were about me and about the stress: what’s the source, what do I need, what actions will serve me. The brief time reflecting restored my grounding, and from that stability, I was able to sort out what I have some measure of control over (you guessed it: ‘me’) and what I needed to trust (right again: everyone else and how it was going to turn out).

There’s a saying that “curiosity killed the cat”. Misplaced or idle curiosity perhaps doesn’t serve or can even work against us. But, for me, embracing curiosity proved to be an insightful and powerful antidote to an afternoon where stress wanted to take over for an extended stay. Remembering that I’m in charge of me, I ordered stress to leave with the gentleness that curiosity brought forward.

Stress flies away on the wings of curiosity.

The deck is coming right along too & Luke approves!

Naming Without Blaming

Finger-pointing and blame-finding are exercises in self degradation. We are not born accusers. Accusing and complaining are learned, negative habits.  Gregge Tiffen (Tax Time: Are You Taxing Yourself?)*

How does one take responsibility without walking into the negative energy of blame and shame? It would seem easy, yet who among us has not engaged in ‘I should have known better …’ and its corollaries: ‘It’s my fault …’; ‘I’m so dumb (bad, stupid, etc.)’? 

I don’t know about you, but such negativity was an auto-pilot reaction for much of my life.  Then, I began to see the costs – low energy, dis-satisfaction, limited opportunity, a sense of lack and not being/doing ‘enough’.   I was cut off from the consistent, reliable flow of universal creative energy.

Over time and with practice, I’ve shifted. I’ve come to know the Universe as a friendly place, not a trap waiting to nab me when I err.  Amidst several opportunities to beat myself up this week, I noticed that for the most part I was choosing a different path.

I was noticing each blunder. From the banking error to the hot water heater going ‘kaput’, I was being kind to me. At the same time, I was being honest with myself. The costly bank error was mine (and not in my favor!).  After a valiant though unsuccessful effort to get the bank to waive their fee, I looked at where I’d erred, adjusted my internal systems to (hopefully) avoid a recurrence AND I let it go. No blame. No shame. 

As I was arranging for a new hot water heater (necessary because my hot water began to look rusty colored over the weekend), I realized that just a week or so before, the thought had crossed my mind that ‘perhaps a larger heater would better serve my needs’.  Voila! Through my thoughts, it seems that I created the opportunity for that larger heater.  A random thought manifested! I erred in not being aware of it, having a clear intention, time frame and manifesting the resources to do it with ease.  

As I reflected on these and a few other learning opportunities this week, I realized that I’ve come to understand and live into the belief that, as Gregge says, “The Universe does not make ninnies. The Universe has created you in Its image as strong, dependable, creative, self-assured, intelligent, harmonious, and complete.”  I AM that!  And, YOU are that too!

We have only to choose to be what we truly are.  With discipline and practice, those very qualities that reside in our cells spring forth to quash the ‘coulda, woulda, shoulda, I’m not enough’ reactions that our culture seems to nurture.  Myself and my cells like our choice!

Creating Spaciousness

Discovery produces the experience that produces knowledge. Gregge Tiffen  (The Language of a Mystic: Creativity – March, 2009*)

Life is a series of experiments that help us clarify our next step. Cindy Reinhardt

Although not consistently with awareness, I’m always experimenting to discover what works and what doesn’t.  I’ve noticed that, when something works, it often becomes a habit, and that I neglect the need for periodic re-evaluation.

Seeing the empty space behind my home where a deteriorating old deck stood just the day before reminded me of the need to create space for the new by letting go of that which no longer serves (at least in its current form).  I chuckled as I imagined my talented contractor trying to build the new deck, without first removing the old one.

As I reflected for a moment, I thought of many times in life when I’ve hung on to things (stuff, ideas, beliefs, etc.) until the new was right there: a job that provided a paycheck but no sense of accomplishment, a client who wasn’t a good fit,  an affiliation with no spark kept only out of habit.  Experiments that worked initially, but that upon re-evaluation (sometimes prompted by discomfort) no longer worked for the best in me.

I also recognized the awesome opportunities that emerged in those times when I was clueless about what was next.  The examples that stand out are those in which I left jobs: deputy director of the housing authority in Houston, vice-president of a real estate development company, executive coach with a coach training company. 

With each departure, something new opened not only professionally (the next great job, a thriving consulting practice, being among the first to be trained as a professional coach and a founding member of the International Coach Federation), but personally as well (meeting Gregge Tiffen, life-long friendships, a marriage and step-son, my move to Crestone).

Now, as I embrace the newness of this spring (see last week’s blog here), I’m repurposing more than old boards from the deck out back.  My business name, Creative Resources Group and my corporation are being retired.  I’m letting go of my 20-year membership in the ICF.  I’m clearing out old papers and files in my office and ‘stuff’ from the garage. Exactly how the energy, resources and efficiencies of those choices will manifest isn’t clear.  I feel their spaciousness.

For now, I’ll continue coaching as Success Zone, my website for many years. I’ll put much more business energy into my bed & breakfast, Dragonfly House-Crestone (LINK).  I’m also taking a deeper dive into the legacy that Gregge Tiffen left behind in his writing, transcripts of his workshops, and recordings of my many sessions with him over 25 years.  And, more long walks with Luke.

I wasn’t always aware that every choice I make is an experiment that evokes discovery far beyond whether it serves me or not.  But that awareness has created a spaciousness and yummy softness in my life for which I am most grateful.

Our Power to Heal: Putting Belief Into Action

"Any required action may be accomplished by the application of the proper universal force in the proper manner through the proper medium to the proper object." - Gregge Tiffen

"The point of power is always in the present moment." - Louise L. Hay

This week I was gifted with a(nother) ‘lesson from the ground up’ [thank you for that phrase and for your support Dr. Moira Forsythe!], one of those many choice points we experience daily, sometimes consciously, other times with little to no awareness. Had I been paying full attention as I walked across my office Monday afternoon, I might have avoided snagging my toe on Luke’s blanket and the resulting pain of a severely bruised (possible broken) big toe.

But alas, it was the pain that woke me to the moment and (after a string of ‘cover your ears’ language and quickly stumbling to the freezer for ice) to the choice point I’d been given. I could blame Luke (how dare you leave your blankie in the middle of the floor!), play victim to my own lack of awareness and stupidity for not putting the blanket away, or I could call upon my belief in the power of Source and act accordingly.

I chose the latter option, coupled with my power to direct that energy. I can’t say that I sprang into action, but I did move with clarity, intention, a sense of urgency, and a willingness to cooperate in allowing the healing to happen. I called Dr. Moira for advice and to be sure that I didn’t need to rush to the emergency room (the pain was that bad and the toe looked gruesome). I gathered essential oils, cold pack, and homeopathic remedies. I called another friend to ask for help walking Luke. I popped a dose of homeopathic arnica, lay down, propped up the foot, applied the cold pack, took a breath and demanded that the toe heal.

My demand was made with love, care, and a deep belief in the power each of us has to direct energy. I took another breath and began to imagine my toe being back to ‘normal’ – no pain, no bruising, boots on, hiking with Luke (and friends who are arriving next week!). I let go of worry about what I wasn’t getting done while I was lying around. And, I slept. I woke, applied essential oils, allowed myself to feel deeply that healing was happening. Then, I slept some more.

With short breaks on my feet to build a fire, take Luke out, and feed us both, I repeated the process through the night and all day/night Tuesday. As a result, I had the profound experience of literally feeling my body heal. And, I could see the progression as the concentrated bruise began to spread out and lighten.

Today, I can’t say that I’m quite ready for a long hike (‘darn’ says Luke), but we walked our two miles this morning with no discomfort or ‘favoring’ the injured foot. And, while that in itself is a blessing, the true blessings are having deepened my belief in our power to direct Source energy and in having given myself the gift of this experience.