Early morning moon over the San Luis Valley
… will is developed out of the analytical process through which you begin to understand what you want to do with your consciousness at any given point in your experience. Gregge Tiffen (The Language of a Mystic: Awareness – July, 2009)
Will I or will I not? Do I want to? Or, not? Such is the seesaw I’ve ridden this week over what I assess should be a simple decision.
I’ve made far bigger and seemingly more consequential decisions in my life with much less vacillation and much more clarity. What was stopping me? Or better asked: how was I stopping myself?
In the back and forth of my pros and cons, I’d missed a step, an important, perhaps the important question: What do I want to do with my consciousness? Above and beyond ‘do I want to?’ ‘do I need to?’ ‘what is the cost?’ questions, I wasn’t analyzing the choice from the perspective of my consciousness, the potential to learn and grow.
I wasn’t considering the bigger picture of flow and opportunity that is ongoing in the pure nature of consciousness. I’d forgotten to apply a fundamental truth: consciousness doesn’t discern right or wrong in our choices, it only moves to the next sequential step.
When I framed the decision in terms of how I wanted to engage my consciousness, I began to feel a shift, lightness, accompanied by a willingness to look more deeply. I had a sense of opportunity and possibility. After steering myself away from attaching to a particular outcome, I took a deeper dive. I wanted to know what was in the way of making this choice, of exercising my will and moving on, letting the chips fall where they may whatever my decision.
On that dive I found a couple of related emotions: fear and sadness. I feared that what I might discover by participating would evoke sadness. At the same time, I feared that if I didn’t participate, I would miss an opportunity to discover something new about myself, about life. Or worse, that I would put myself out of sync with the flow of energy.
I was clear that saying ‘yes’ was the path I wanted to choose, but I hesitated … not vacillating all the way back to ‘no’ but honoring a niggle of doubt that wanted to be heard. Another dive revealed that I wanted a guarantee about the outcome. What? That one again! I thought THAT was conquered. Where have you gone curiosity? Re-enter please!
And, so my answer is YES! I’m trusting that my indecision was just a part of the path to evoking divine timing and not a delay that upsets an unfolding cycle. Consciousness and will exercised and engaged. Curiosity restored. Onward!
Cool Hand Luke loves being out early as the sun peeks over the peaks!