Snowy clouds obscure the mountains’ majesty as holding resentment obscures our own …
Forgiveness is more than a function, more than something we do or say to others (or to ourselves) after they (or we) have done something wrong. Forgiveness is an attitude of nonjudgmentalism, whereby we're always looking for the true self in another person, the spark of divinity, the best, the creative potential. Joan Borysenko (Pace e Bene’s This Nonviolent Life: Daily Inspiration for Your Nonviolent Journey – January 22, 2020)
They caused the first wound, but you are causing the rest; this is what not forgiving does. They got it started, but you keep it going. Forgive and let go, or it will eat you alive. You think they made you feel this way, but when you won't forgive, you are the one inflicting pain on yourself. Bryant McGill (Pace e Bene’s This Nonviolent Life: Daily Inspiration for Your Nonviolent Journey – January 21, 2020)
Last week when I explored nurturing resiliency (here if you missed it) I didn’t see resiliency’s link to forgiveness. I invited readers to think of a challenge you’ve faced and to consider ‘in what ways was your resiliency hampered?’ Little did I know that the question would bring me straight to the importance of, indeed the requirement for, forgiveness as an element of resiliency.
In fact, the connection didn’t occur to me until this morning as I was re-reading the two quotes above. When I first saw them, they resonated deeply. I knew that this week’s musing would be built around them. What I didn’t know was how up close and personal that would prove to be.
Borysenko’s idea of forgiveness as an attitude not simply an act struck me first. It seems obvious upon considering. Like love, forgiveness is not something we do then check off our list. Forgiveness is a way of life, of being grounded in the non—judgmental understanding that everyone has their story, good and bad; we are all different, we are all the same. Unity. We are one. (Yes, even those who have ‘done us wrong’ and those whose views and behaviors we loathe.) Gulp! Such words are easy. Practicing them as a way of life is our challenge. It requires vigilance. In order to forgive we must let go of our need to be right. I have some work to do.
It was the quote from McGill that really got my attention (or should I say shook me from the inside out?). I was invited to look at a resentment I’ve held for a while around a promise not kept (at least I thought a promise was made). Beyond that personal event, I was invited to look at the many judgments I hold. Judgments about those who see their companion animals as pets to be controlled rather than as partners deserving respect and care. Judgments about some social media posts and those who make them. Judgments toward those who perpetuate violence upon the planet, to those whose political views and behavior I abhor, and beyond.
McGill’s words invited me to look at the cost - to me personally and to the greater whole of which I am a part. I saw how failing to forgive wears me down, impacts my well-being, my resiliency, my peace. Whether as a conscious, intentional choice (as in ‘I’ll never forgive him, her, etc.”) or simply because we are unconscious of the opportunity before us, there is a high personal cost of holding on to our judgments. Indeed, not forgiving can be seen an act of violence against ourselves. I experienced one of those wonderful, yet excruciating and humbling ‘duh, but of course, ah-ha’ moments. Blessed be!
I have some work to do this week on my personal resiliency, my peace, indeed my health and well-being. It’s not just eating right, taking my vitamins, and physical exercise, it’s taking a deeper dive into what forgiveness means to me and how I will embrace it today, tomorrow, and beyond. Stay tuned!
Beyond the clouds … blue skies to come!