A Colorado Blue Sky Day
Expectation is resentment waiting to happen. In contrast, friendship liberates. John O’Donohue
The attachment to our expectations is the obstacle … Myra Jackson
We swim in a sea of expectations. Befriending our expectations means releasing our attachment to life unfolding in the ways we expect. It is indeed befriending all of life.
Exploring the idea of expectations and indeed examining some of my own has been ‘up’ for me in recent weeks. I’ve long had curiosity about how expectation weaves into life and has been an occasional thread woven into these weekly musings. One explored the distinction between expectations and promises (read it here).
Settling in with Muse this morning I recalled O’Donohue’s words that caught my attention some time back. While he was writing about relationships in particular and our expectations of others to be/do certain ways/things, Muse guides me to consider that perhaps expectations might become our friends.
In response to my quizzical look, Muse winks and prompts, awareness as a first step. We swim in a sea of expectations. Our lack of awareness of what we expect in the details of life is where the potential for resentment hides. Curious, I took a few minutes of self-inquiry: what do I expect in life/of life? In less than 10 minutes I’d listed 26 expectations, many of which are multifaceted (e.g. I expect my health care provider, my attorney, etc. to have my best interests) and all of which underlie daily life, actions, choices.
Until I took those few minutes to bring them to awareness it seems that my expectations were lurking in the darkness, resentment waiting to happen, ready to kindle a spark of anger should an expectation not be met.
Let’s say for example the internet connection is down, my computer crashes, the car won’t start. Or it’s raining on a day you’d planned a picnic … you get my drift here of all the things we expect to go a certain way without being aware that we expect it UNTIL something doesn’t.
What is your habitual response? A fiery reaction of anger? Springing into action to ‘fix’ the ‘problem’? Curiosity that the Universe seems to be redirecting you? Do you perhaps journey through all the above?
While I strive for the later (curiosity), I’m inclined to leap into action. Muse reminds me that sometimes the fiery Aries tiger reacts, suggesting that the trigger is that I’m attached to things being a certain way, to MY expectations being met. And to a tendency to ascribe some fault to myself when they aren’t. What did I do wrong? What error in my thinking ‘caused’ this?
Just as developing and maintaining friendships requires the nurturing care of awareness and to not being attached to our friend being/doing certain ways/things, perhaps expectations can be nurtured as friends with the same awareness and releasing of attachment to them. Muse says it more clearly: Befriending our expectations means releasing our attachment to life unfolding in the ways we expect. It is indeed befriending all of life.
As we put a cap on this week’s musing a few thoughts and queries dance into awareness:
Gratitude is a key to releasing my attachment to how and what I expect life to be.
What is the relationship between expectation and intention? Is there a pivot from expectation to intention?
Innovation, calling forth and being open to the new, requires releasing any attachment to the details of how life unfolds.
It seems a door has opened … fodder for musings another day.
Last Light of Sunset