Why? What Is My Deepest Motivation?
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. Friedrich Nietzsche
One early morning as I was journalling, reflecting on a desire to participate in local food and regenerative agriculture initiatives, I became present to a bit of tension, a niggle. Something was ‘off’, not quite aligned. ‘Something’ wanted my attention.
Curious to discover what the tension was about I yielded into the query. What did I need to attend to? What adjustments might I be invited to consider? When no quick direction came as I continued to write, I turned to a nearby divination deck, Colette Baron-Reid’s Wisdom of the Oracle. Might a card offer up a resonate message to prompt my inquiry?
A clear question formed as I shuffled the beautiful deck: What do I need to know about my interest and desire to participate in local food initiatives? I asked before drawing a card.
Although reversed, the card I pulled was easy to read. It simply said ‘Why?’ The question resonated, and the source of my niggle became clear. Am I aware of all that motivates me to participate? Then I read the Oracle’s message for the upside-down card:
Sometimes subconsciously denying the truth may drive you toward a specific outcome that actually aligns with an intention hidden from your awareness. … Now is the time for deep soul-searching of the “why” that drives your choices. What you uncover will set you free and bring you ever closer to the happiness you seek.
As deep sigh emerged, curiosity replaced the earlier tension. I didn’t have ‘the’ answer (or even ‘an answer’). Rather I was shown a clear arrow pointing to a path inviting exploration, an exploration that at once I recognized I needed to attend to. The source of my tension wasn’t ‘out there’ in another person, project, etc. It was right here at home. IN me.
And so, my self-inquiry began. What personal motivations might be lurking underneath my interest in everyone in our community having access to nutritious locally produced food, in caring for our farmers and food producers, and in regenerating the soil in kindness to Mother Earth? Could unconscious reasons or hidden expectations offer up a repeat of uncomfortable, unsatisfying engagements I’ve experienced in the past?
I’m not rushing to discover answers. I’m observing in new ways. Questioning self and tempering my tendency to rush to conclusions. Coyote has been active and visible, visiting just this morning to munch pinon nuts under a pine. What hidden wisdom does she bring? What folly might I need to be aware of?
My soul-searching inquiry continues with a knowing that I want to participate only with full awareness of my deepest Whys and that each aligns fully with my heart and the deepening of my knowing the truth of Oneness. As I journey, I think of James O’Dea and his poignant Soul Awakening Prayer:
Soul Awakening
Heart Opening
Light Shining
Love Flowing
Wounds Dissolving
Peace Radiating
May that higher calling guide me in this inquiry and the choices that follow.
Coyote’s Morning Visit — Wisdom? Folly?