I Am That I Am

Sunflower Sea on a Smokey Day in the Sangres

I Am That I Am Exodus 3:14 (King James Version of the Holy Bible)

This week I’ve felt a deepening sense of the truth of unity along with a heightened awareness of how subtle yet rampant the story of separation is imbedded in our culture and, indeed, daily life.

There are the obvious divides perpetrated and perpetuated by media and exploited on all ‘sides’ ‘by profiteering and fundraising using fear of ‘the other’, anything outside of us really, as the primary reason. “Give us your money so we can fight him/her, them, it, etc.” is their constant plea.

I’m pivoting away from giving to such ‘causes’ – even groups and individuals whose views align with mine. Earlier this week I cancelled a small monthly donation to a Congressional candidate because of the onslaught of fundraising emails each of which found a new way to bash the incumbent and proclaimed that I should donate for that reason. No more. Time to pivot. Time to reimagine and create our political system anew.

Continuing a trend that I’ve noticed for quite some time, environmental, natural health, and other organizations that hold positions I agree with seize upon recent disturbing climate and Covid news to ask for donations using fear and the need to fight as the basis for their plea. No more. Time to pivot. Time to dream. Time to create structures and systems that recognize our interconnectedness.

Want my support? Tell me what you dream of creating. Share a bit of your soul. Damn the current system – BE bold in unconventional ways. Hear the deeper longings of humanity to call forth unity. Lead from YOUR heart, not from polls, advisors and others who want you to believe they know the best formula to ‘win’.

Time to recognize that we are each part of a greater whole and that all is in each of us just as we are each in all. I Am That I Am.

Time to sharpen awareness of the choices we make and language we use that perpetuate the separation story in subtle ways we mostly don’t notice. Take, for instance, the term ‘common sense’, a seemingly innocuous term we use share our views and enroll others. I might say, “It’s common sense to drive slowly on wash-boarded, curved dirt roads.” The implication being that those who drive fast lack ‘common sense’, thus separating me from the drivers that I find not just annoying but dangerous. Yet, I Am that driver as surely as I Am me.

When I check in on social media, I see posts using common sense and other such terms to promote their point of view (heck, I’m sure I’ve done so as well) to get vaccinated, eat organic, become vegetarian, invest in gold, … and the list goes on (and on). Most likely there are elements in this musing that separate rather than unify, despite my best effort and intention not to do so. This is what we’ve come to practice: division, separation. It’s time to pivot: calling forth and practicing unity, oneness, the interconnected nature of life. Time to cooperate and co-create.

During a coach training conference some years ago, I participated in an exercise appropriately named ‘I Am That’. (Yes, some of you reading this were there!). The exercise was to be outdoors for a particular amount of time and to notice what attracted my attention. It could be anything – a tree, a bird, grass, a bloom, a car in the parking lot, a bench, etc. Then, looking at it, to declare “I Am That I Am” and to simply BE with that being or object. I recall being deeply moved by a tree (no surprise that I love the woods out back!). As I stood in its presence, I felt the deep connection of being at one with the tree. My core being knew it was so.

Amidst the discord and divisiveness present in our world, I’m adopting the exercise as a new practice. I long to feel that deep connection more consistently. I long to hear the tree, the land, Zadie Byrd, the planet on which I walk, friends, and associates, as well as those with whom I’m not aligned in a way that reminds me “I Am That I Am”. I have a hunch this practice can move you/me/us in that direction as well as supporting our navigation, individually and collectively, through the mine fields of these current times.

What is your heart yearning for? What ideas and practices do you employ to honor your heart’s yearning?

Smoke Clears - A Blue Sky Sunset with Beautiful Clouds Begins

Racks & Rain: Power from Source

Rain and Runoff - The Power of Flow

The sun once glimpsed God’s true nature

And has never been the same.

Thus that radiant sphere

Constantly pours its energy

Upon this earth

As does He from behind

The veil.

Hafiz (from Why Aren’t We Screaming Drunks?)

 Zadie Byrd and I headed out quite early this morning for our walk. Before the sun rose over the peaks and its rays beamed light and created the beauty of shadow in the woods out back. The air was crisp, cool, and fresh after a (thankfully brief) shower last night. We’ve been blessed with an abundance of rain over the last week and experienced the impact of minor flooding.

That abundance and starting installation of a solar array, focused my attention and awareness on the power that emanates from Source. This power manifests in many ways and forms, all elements of the natural world of which we humans are a part: fires, floods, earthquakes, pandemics, melting polar ice caps and more.

Such events touch millions personally, often uprooting life as it they knew it only moments before. Events of the natural world likewise support our existence in ways that we often overlook or even have forgotten. Just as our consciousness impacts nature, these events impact each and everyone of us collectively as well. And they do so in every aspect of our lives. If it has shown us nothing else, the pandemic continues to demonstrate that.

I wonder what we have learned about ourselves from Covid-19 and other extreme events? Individually? Collectively? I wonder what we might learn if we ask different questions rather than racing back to a ‘normal’ that doesn’t and won’t exist? I think about such learning wondering how we might apply it more wisely to create a better world for ourselves and especially for our children, grandchildren, and generations (hopefully) to come as the world as we’ve known it falls away.

These are the questions that came to mind this week as I witnessed the power of flowing water in front of and behind the Dragonfly House as heavy rain fell for several hours here in the Sangres cresting rock dams put in place on the property many years ago for just such events.

Similar questions guided my decision to install a solar system. I was excited to observe the work and care as racks for the solar panels were installed on the roof yesterday.

The preparation over a few months and the work involved remind me that while the power of Source is always present, tapping in requires conscious choice, commitment, and investing time, money, and guiding energy all along the way.  As I learn more about the components of the system, I see each of them and the solar system itself as a reminder to maintain awareness and consciously choose how I use the power of the Source to which I am and forever will be connected. Solar system as metaphor for our connection to Source. Solar array or not, we each make this choice moment to moment, day by day throughout life. What’s your choice?

Racks on the Roof - My Journey to Solar Power Begins

Making Sense Today

Morning Clouds

Wayfarer,
Now is no time to sit still
For nothing but a great clamor of joy
And music
Can make any sense
Today! --- Hafiz (from When the Sun Conceived a Man)

I ignored my first impulse as I sat down in the quiet of the dawning morning: to pull The Gift: Poems by Hafiz, The Great Sufi Master off the nearby shelf. Instead, I was mesmerized by the mountains and the sky, the softness of clouds, ‘bellies’ pink in the sun’s first light, contrasting the hard edges of Crestone Peak.

Although I look to the mountains and the coming light each morning, this morning and the two preceding it invited me to pause and look deeply: to notice what is different and to observe what seems the same. Today, clouds brought softness to the fore, muting the hard, jagged edges of the mountain peaks.

As I opened my journal, I felt the softness and allowed it to flow in and through me as I wondered ‘what wants to be said by the muse and me today?’

Several events and observations of the week came to mind. A thought about how ‘misinformation’ is what many have come to label that which doesn’t support whatever narrative they are promoting. I confess that I frequently find helpful information in some of the so-called ‘misinformation’. Especially information dealing with edgy topics such as my health or the existence of UFOs.

Even with my very limited exposure to ‘the news’ I feel pressure from the collective to make choices around my health and well-being that my heart informs me are not in my best interest or even in the best interest of the collective that aims to convince me ‘it’ knows better. Mother Earth is speaking. Listen.

This week I experienced a close encounter with a flash flood in our neighborhood. Thankfully, no major damage to persons or buildings, but morning’s light revealed the level that flowing water, mud and debris reached in the dark of night. A walk around the neighborhood revealed roads with deep ruts and a favorite serene spot by Cottonwood Creek torn asunder. Mother Earth is speaking. Listen.

Next week the installation of a solar array on my roof begins. It’s but one answer to my ongoing question: How do I adapt and align with nature rather than trying to overcome or subvert her?

This week marks the end of my 13th year here in the sacred Sangre de Cristo mountains and the community of Crestone/Baca Grande. I’m blessed with sharing an abundance of fresh produce from a friend’s growing dome. It’s a ‘good basil year’ and pesto making is in full swing!

The week also found me unable to honor a promise made two years ago. I aim to make promises with care and sincerity. Breaking a promise is a matter of integrity. I wonder how this will inform me in making future promises.

Synchronicities have also been present this week. Think of someone/something. Boom, the phone rings, a text or email arrives about ‘that’ from ‘them’. Such events call forth an awareness of resonance and what nourishes life.

As I look back at the week’s unfolding, I wonder: what are the common threads that weave in this week’s experiences? What does the muse wish to share? What sense can be made of the week? Of the world? I pause.

Returning from my morning walk with Zadie Byrd, Hafiz calls again. I respond, pulling the book off the shelf and opening to a ‘random’ page. His poem, When the Sun Conceived a Man, (read it here ) greets me, a reminder that joy and music can make sense Today as they did in days past and will in days to come.  Thank you, wise poet.

Sing. Dance. Make music. Make a joyful noise in all you do in the days ahead. And let go of making sense!

Mountain Edges

Call of the Rising Feminine

Joyful Hummers Feeding Out Back

Everything is operating on behalf of everything else. Myra Jackson

Everyone has their story. We are all different. We are all the same. Gregge Tiffen

I have frequently said that those things – people, actions, ideas, beliefs, etc. – that we rail against or criticize have a purpose in the unfoldment of life – individually and collectively. I’m reminded of this principle daily (and some days hourly) when my ‘critical eye’ reacts to something or someone in the world or even to me with a quick judgement.

This is not to suggest that we set aside our opinions, beliefs, and such but rather that we recognize that the opinion of other has value to whole. Everything is operating on behalf of everything else.

As the muse and I were putting those words on the page this morning, the melody and some of the lyrics of Pete Seeger’s Turn, Turn, Turn based on verses from Ecclesiastes (3: 1-8). I easily found The Byrds recording that made the song a hit back when I was sweet-16. I rocked along listening for a bit, then discovered a softer version, more suited to my mood, possibly my age (smile!), and more aligned with today’s journey with the muse (click here to listen).

Just as everything is operating on behalf of everything else, so too there is a time and a place for everything – EVERY purpose under heaven. Our world – its ways and its systems built primarily on the masculine story of separation – are crumbling. That world is in its final acts as our planet calls our attention to the reality that this way has had its time and is no longer sustainable. A new way is calling.

Feminine wisdom is calling for us to listen differently, to put our attention not on the crumbling of the old, but to the potent possibility of a future built on feminine principles, including principles and practices of ancient wisdom and the caring that comes with that wisdom.

What are you listening to? Who are you listening to? What are you listening for?

I’m listening to and for those whose work and words support this shift – individually and collectively – for it is only through shifting our focus and attention that the life conditions of this time will be met in ways that sustain life – ALL life. I’m listening not to the mainstream with its doom, gloom, conquest, and competition, but for paths of forging a different future. The projects, people, and possibilities available for us to tap into with ease are right there – like the water we believe will be there when we turn on that tap.

I’ve suggested some of these resources in previous posts (Yes! Magazine, Non-violence News and Pace e Bene, HeartMath, the Shift Network, the practice of Feldenkrais for support embodying change – to name a few). Today, I invite you explore another, Humanity Rising’s Global Solutions Summit and, in particular, to a presentation (their 294th!) earlier this week: Feminine Intelligence for a Regenerative Future (click here to watch– start around minute 8 if you want to skip the preamble and brief centering meditation).

Here you will hear five inspiring women who have answered the call of the feminine and are calling on others to join in bringing the intelligence of the feminine forward. Among them is Lynne Twist (author of The Soul of Money and a co-founder of the Pachamama Alliance) who shared the news, unlikely to be found in the mainstream (and it will delight me if you do!), that a small number of billionaires from both ends of the political spectrum (evangelicals on the right, spiritual folks on the left) have been in dialogue around their shared concern for the future.

This is an example of dialog across vast divides that I’ve envisioned for many years. It is a sign of change, of hope, and of the emergence of awareness that more of the same is not an option on which to build a future world that works for all.

We can do this! Indeed we must!

Stairway to Heaven (Ziggurat) from the Woods Out Back

3D: Damsels, Dragons, and Doggies

Dragonfly takes a little rest to enjoy a fading bloom

Light always lightens the load.

Recent experiences of life in 3D on planet earth here in the woods of the Sangre de Cristo range have found me focused on Zadie Byrd, in particular calming her during stormy weather (we’re in week two of our ‘monsoon’ season – more thunder than rain, though grateful for every drop) and at night when I turn out the lights.

So, what do damsels and dragons have to do with that, you might ask? Are there really dragons and damsels in the woods out back? Well, no (at least not visible to me in this 3D body), but during this time of exploration and experimentation with Zadie Byrd I’ve been blessed with several damselfly and dragonfly visits. These amazing creatures of nature symbolize light, in particular the power of light.

And light is what I want to shed on Zadie’s reactivity. Clarity to define a path to easing her tension and reactive nature is my aim. Lightening my load in the process is my intention.

About the same time as I began to seek the advice of experts, explore options, including the possibility of finding her a new home, dragonfly and damselfly began to ‘visit’. My first sighting was a dragonfly resting in a hanging basket while I tended the flowers. I took note and welcomed it, since, after all my home is the Dragonfly House.

Then, yesterday, I observed a damsel(fly) in distress – inside the kitchen window, flying into the glass in an apparent effort to get back to its world outside that window. The rescue and relocation were simple – a nearby yogurt container and a piece of paper provided just the vehicle needed to secure and transport this amazing creature to the door. Upon release, I wished it well and the damselfly quickly flew into a nearby pine where it landed, seeming to look down and offer a nod of thanks.

Damselfly in Distress

This morning after a walk in the labyrinth, I saw a brief flash of light as I sat on a log in the nearby ‘circle of elders.’ After a few moments, I decided to investigate the end of the log where I’d seen the flash. Voila! There was a (the?) damselfly. Reminding me yet again to bring the power of light to every project, every issue, every concern.  Light always lightens the load.

Yesterday’s rescue and this morning’s encounter remind me of a woodpecker that I saw tangled in a mess of fishing line in a bush many years ago. After calming the bird and painstakingly disentangling it, it flew to the top of the bush and landed. We looked at one another for a bit, me amazed that the being could still fly and the woodpecker seeming grateful for its freedom. I saw that woodpecker frequently in the days that followed.

The muse carries me to these tales (tails?) giving pause (paws?) for reflection and to remember that amidst change, especially change from the inside out, letting go of that which no longer (indeed may have never) serves us we sometimes take several steps forward, then falter or even take a step back. This part of the process offers the opportunity to take stock of where we are, where we’re headed, and make adjustments.  It can also be a pause for gratitude for whatever gifts the event is bringing us and a reminder that while nature is in service to us, we are best served when we honor and serve the nature on which we depend.

Although Zadie Byrd can’t speak human words to tell me what’s going on, like all canine companions she speaks through her actions, her eyes, and her body language. She takes me to that place of listening with my eyes and registering with my heart, a pause (paws) that refreshes.

Source of Light - Damselfly at Rest on a Log

Taking Time for Satisfaction

Labyrinth Rocks Seem Satisfied

It is the nature of stone to be satisfied. It is the nature of water to want to be somewhere else. Mary Oliver

Just as I was about to begin my search for a quote about satisfaction this morning, I had a little niggle for ‘a quote from Mary Oliver’.  So, I searched for just that. The little treasure found reminds me of two of my favorite things here the Rockies: beautiful conglomerate rocks and flowing mountain streams. Each seems quite satisfied with their nature, one solid and still, the other fluid and in motion.

The idea of satisfaction is with me as this week marks the anniversary of my cousin’s death last year and finds me approaching completion of the details of her estate, tasks that fell to me as the ‘personal representative’ named in her will.  With only a few details remaining, mostly to be done by her attorney and CPA, I began to take stock of the process, my engagement in it, and the changes in my life since receiving the call that Marty had departed her body for the world hereafter.

Taking stock offers the opportunity to choose whether to be satisfied with my participation or not and to declare that satisfaction or examine the source of any dissatisfaction. In doing so I find that I am satisfied, self-appreciative for my walk through the process. Not only the legal matters of executing her wishes, but also the honoring the promise I made to myself at the outset: no rush, no push, no stress. My pace. My way. Self-care is not an option.

Yes, there were difficult choices, surprises, obstacles along the way. I’m satisfied for how I met each and every one. There was learning, discovering, growing along the way – not all of it cushy and fun.  I’m satisfied with my openness to the lessons that crossed my path.

The year has been one of change and transformation for me. Her death was an unexpected jolt. I opened to receiving in many new ways. As the door closes on this chapter, I find myself in a field of new opportunities for stewarding not only financial resources but also my very life force energy. Fresh potential exists for creating more ease in life’s choices about where to focus my energy and attention.

Just as a new world has emerges for me, so it is with each of us in this time where the old and tired is falling, making way for the new and offering pivot points of choice. Will I/will we cling to the old? Or will I/will we lovingly send the old on its way and participate in creating and embracing the new? How will we choose?

I aim to make my choices from a place of satisfied, rock-solid conviction that the universe is a friendly place unfolding perfectly. And to do so with the fluidity of a mountain stream, knowing that flow and change are the nature of nature in an ever-changing cosmos. I AM the rock. I AM the water. What about you?

Cottonwood Creek - In the Flow of Life

Substance or Sound Bites?

Morning Clouds Over the Mountains

I’m not about sound bites. I’m about substance. Marcia Fudge, Secretary of the United States Department of Housing and Urban Development

Distracted by a thorny personal concern as well as needing to attend to final business regarding my cousin’s estate, the muse was slow to engage and focus today. That said, the topic has been bubbling for a while: are we/am I about substance or sound bites? And how do the choices we make impact us, our relationships, and consciousness of the collective?

If you’ve been following my weekly musings for a while, you’re aware that I frequently remind us (that includes reminding moi!) that EVERYthing we do, think, say matters – even our little, snarky comments on Facebook. EVERYthing we do, think, say contributes to the collective. Through our thoughts, words, and deeds we are building (or destroying) society, the very quality of energy that we experience in daily life.

By our thoughts, words, and deeds we create the frequency of our individual vibration. That vibration feeds the frequency of our immediate environment and that of the collective. 

Scanning through my Facebook feed a few weeks back, I saw a post thanking “whoever reported me to Facebook for my comments … now I don’t have to waste my time commenting anymore.” I had a quick judgement about that wondering where the poster’s awareness of their choice to comment had gone.

Days later I saw a post that seemed to be a sincere inquiry seeking someone to adopt a senior dog. Comments flew. Judgements were spewed by people with no information about the situation that prompted the search. I see examples like this almost every time I dare to scan my social media feed. They evoke sadness and concern. They bring me to question ‘where is the substance?’ and along with it scare and compassion? Heck, even kindness!

I wonder what it would take for us individually and collectively to make conscious choices to comment from a place of substance, care, and contribution rather than from some need to add our own judgmental sound bites to the cacophony. Are we even thinking at all?

As I sometimes do on Sunday mornings, this week I tuned in to the Sunday service from Mile Hi Church and heard a courageous and heartfelt talk from Reverend Michelle Medrano on this very topic: Transcending the Soundbites: Fostering Greater Connection With Ourselves and Each Other. You can enjoy her thoughtful message here.

This isn’t simply about the impact of our choices on others and the collective, the sound bites we spew harm us as well. Reactionary, judgmental sound bites feed the story of separation and division. Taking time to think before we speak gives us the opportunity to consider our intention, the substance of what we want to contribute, and to add to the story of unity and our interconnectedness.

Media and social media thrive on sound bites. Do you? Do I? Do we?  This week let’s pivot from their game and play our own: the game of substance anchored in harmony, love, and care.

Simple Beauty

Gratitude and a Piece of Humble Pie

Mountains and Trees and Sunbeams - Oh My!

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough. Meister Eckhart

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Melody Beattie

 … friends, family, home, garden, labyrinth, the woods out back, pine trees, Cottonwood Creek, Zadie Byrd, Luke, health, computer, comfort, cool breeze, hummingbirds, flowers, neighbors, Elephant Cloud, Merc, helping hands when I need them, teachers/guides, awareness, remembering … These are just a few of the abundance of ‘things’ (including feelings, situations, etc.) that I quickly noted I am grateful for once I stopped and remembered to BE grateful.

I woke this morning with the word gratitude front and center and the message ‘return to gratitude’. Hmmmm… As one who aims to live in gratitude, I was humbled to need a reminder to ‘return’. When did I set gratitude aside? When did I forget?

Heartmath Institute’s ‘Quick Coherence Technique’ (click here for a 2 minute practice) took only a few moments to bring me to that familiar, visceral feeling of appreciation and love for all of life. My heart that had been burdened by a combination of irritation, regret, and confusion about the reactionary funk I’d been in, immediately felt lighter. I was more ready to meet and greet the day than I’d been for several days. Best of all I didn’t feel ‘grumpy’.

Grounded in gratitude I can begin to create some order in the chaos of my confusion around how I’ve handled several recent interactions with others and even with myself. I can pivot from confusion and irritation to curiosity. In the spirit of Nietzsche (see last week’s post here), I can seek to uncover what meaning I made unconsciously about the event, person (or canine 😉) that triggered my reaction.

From the ground of appreciation and gratefulness I can feed the version of reality that I want to experience and call forth in the world: the reality that we are indeed all one. In this reality the vices of separation – irritation, regret, anger, fear, confusion – are cast aside for there is no need for the false protection that we perceive them to offer.

Being grateful for the gifts of insight these irritations offered to me, I can forgive myself for the forgetfulness that contributed to the false reality of separation. As I let them go, I can be curious about what other messages the irritations may hold, what they point to in terms of what I care most deeply about.

Thank you. Thank You. THANK YOU. Let this be my prayer moment to moment, day by day, event by event.

Mountains and Trees and Clouds and Haze on a Lazy Sunday Morning

Discerning Meaning in the Walk of Life

Smokey Haze on Our Early Morning Walk

I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you. Friedrich Nietzsche

Nietzsche’s quote popped off the screen this morning as the muse and I were searching for a quote about reality.  ‘Reality’ as a focus was inspired by a question I was asked in conversation with a wise colleague recently:

What version of reality are you loyal to?

I’ve thought about that question quite a lot since it was posed as a call to deeper awareness of those places where I’m prickly or find myself agitated. I want to allow the events of those places to be given their due, attended to rather than denied or dismissed. Such awareness is a pivot point of choice: ignore and suffer or embrace and discern meaning: What is the purpose of this – event, person, conversation, etc. – in my life? What might I learn?

The ‘version of reality’ that I aim and often claim to be loyal to is not the doom and gloom separation reality offered up by most media and the systems of the world. I aim to be loyal to a version of reality that embraces what I understand to be universal truth and law: we are all one, all one of The One.  As the heart that beats in my chest is a part of my body that walks the earth, that me (body, mind, and spirit) is part of the greater whole that simply IS. A greater whole whose reality is that it is infinity.

It is from that version of reality that I aim to discern meaning of the events I encounter (or do they encounter me?) as I walk through life. That is how I learn, how I grow, and, hopefully how I add some measure of wisdom to carry forward from life in this body to the form or formless life beyond.

The meaning I seek to discern regarding an event attends to me as a sovereign being with my biases, my history, my hopes, and my dreams (not to mention those things I fear and that which agitates me).  The key ingredients are curiosity, willingness, and commitment.

I’m curious from the inside out (What does this mean to me?) not from the outside in (What meaning does the world want me to adopt?). My willingness sometimes waivers (What? More sh__ to shovel? This may hurt! …) until I connect with the value this practice adds to my life. My commitment grows from the harmony, peace, joy, and power of being with life in this way.

Which leads me to the quote above (I know, you thought the muse would never get there … me too!). It isn’t the lie that upsets us, rather it’s the meaning we discern when we are lied to. All too often we stop before asking a question that will take us deeper in our understanding. Ours is to develop the habit of questioning without needing an immediate answer – What might this mean to/for me?  And, then, to listen.

High on my list of values is integrity and trust. I want to be worthy of being trusted AND I want to trust those with whom I associate. I value others being clear and direct with me (especially when I have a reaction that conveys a different message). Likewise, I value others who can receive my style of direct communication. For me, that engenders trust.

While our culture claims to value trust and integrity, much evidence in the world out there suggests otherwise. Thus, self-trust, trust from the inside out, becomes imperative. The self-knowing of self-trust helps us discern who and what we can trust in others and in life. Discerning meaning in my life’s events builds strength to do just that.

Barrel Cactus Blooming Forth in the High Desert of the Rockies

The Pivot Power of Observing

Good Morning Sunshine!

What assumption am I making, That I’m not aware I’m making, That gives me what I see?  The Art of Possibility – Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander

I’ve appreciated this question (and the book it comes from) for more than 20 years. I remembered the quote a bit differently: What am I believing, that I don’t know I’m believing, that gives me what I see? Yet, another take emerged as I engaged the muse this morning:

 What am I observing, That I’m not aware I’m observing, That gives me what I see?

We take in billions of data points, perhaps even more, each day. As I sat looking to the woods out back this was my visual observation: dawn breaking bringing light; pine trees, close and distant; stumps of dead trees; fallen branches; rocks, pine needles and twigs on the ground; cacti and grasses in the sandy open area.

All that and more paints a picture that is beauty to these eyes of mine. The addition of gentle bird song (the ravens have yet to wake), the sound of Cottonwood Creek’s spring flow in the distance, and the sensory stillness of the morning air bring harmony and peace to the fore in this simple act of observing.

Too often in our rush through life we miss these moments, not giving ourselves the gift of slowing down to observe what surrounds us, much less allow it to permeate our being in ways that support us, sustain us, call forth and maintain our health and well-being.

Rather we put our attention on that which needs to be changed, corrected, fixed, improved: the dishes in the sink, the firewood to be stacked, the deck that needs refinishing, plants ready to move outdoors … Our lists go on (and on). Maintaining life is a constant. Self-observation offers a pivot point that can lift us up or drag us down as we engage in our ‘darn dailies’ and in the midst of humanity’s greater chaos (a colleague calls it ‘debris’ and most days that feels all too accurate).

Observation with awareness, taking time to ask the question ‘what am I observing, that I’m not aware I’m observing, that gives me what I see?’ brings us to valuable points of choice.

Blessed to live in these woods with rugged mountain peaks above and a vast valley verdant from late spring rains below I could simply ‘see’ them every day to the point of not seeing, not acknowledging all that the beauty has to offer. I aim to make a different choice. What am I observing that I don’t know I’m observing that gives me what I see? Some days I observe a vast seen and unseen network of nature operating and cooperating in and of its design. Other days, I see beauty. Every day  I feel harmony, happiness, peace.

Taking in what is outside of me prompts internal observation aimed at understanding or at least coming to terms with events in life. Observing myself in events gives meaning and adds to my knowledge. It opens doorways of possibility and choices of perspective.

Feeling let down after an appointment earlier in the week, I put my attention on just such self- observation and reflection. Observing my disappointment had me be present to my (sometimes unrealistic) expectations of others. Further observation opened me to the territory of recognizing all that I know and sense, giving me a strong dose of self-trust.

The simple act of choosing to hear and heed the call of a question in my feeling of being let down gave me the kind of gift of awareness that comes when I deeply observe these mountains, woods, indeed, any part of the landscape that I am a part of.

Deep inside I sense that is why we are here – not to tackle the ‘to do’ list, walk the dog, or even to right what we see as the world’s wrongs or write the next solve-it-all ‘self-help’ book or best-selling novel. Rather whatever events and tasks are ours to do are for our benefit, our learning, our growth, giving us knowledge and wisdom to carry beyond this life, into the next, and beyond. What could be more purposeful than that? And what would the world look like if we each carried that perspective into everything we do – from the dishes, to our activism, to our work in the world?

Dog’s Eye View of the Landscape