Influencers

"Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing." - Albert Schweitzer

We have a lot of things competing for our attention these days. Varied media and social media offer an abundance of advice, products to buy, news and more. It seems more and more challenging to be quiet and allow my inner knowing to rise and trump all the noise. And yet when I take a closer at my life, what has influenced me most are people, both historical figures and those whose paths I’ve been blessed to cross in this life, who did just that. They have been and continue to be my true influencers, my personal heroes if you will.

When I line them up and look at each, I easily see a common thread. They did not follow the pack. Each in their own way lived life on their terms. Ultimately they didn’t choose a path that the world suggested was what they should do, what you might call a traditional path. Not that they made this discovery early in life. Most, like me, made choices early that I suspect were in line with what the world (family, society, etc.) expected.

Then, something happened – an event, a person, or perhaps something they read. That something provided one of life’s choice points: stay the course even though it didn’t feel right (but provided so called ‘security’) or engage on a path more true to your unique design.

Overall, the course my influencers followed was their own. They had the courage to put aside any care about what other people thought about their choices. My grandmother, Gran, comes to mind. She ripped out a wall in her home when a contractor told her it couldn’t be safely done. That created a wonderful pantry for her and one of my favorite childhood places to play. Located under a stairwell, it was just my size. Marge, my mother, was another.

She left a job that was her sole source of income when the company took an action that cut deeply into the retirement fund of its employees. That act of courage and principle planted a seed in me, the seed of knowing that I am always at choice. (And, yes, I have left behind ‘good’ jobs when I woke up to the realization that I was only there for the money.)

Going beyond family to those whose paths have crossed mine, my college dorm mother, Vivan Taylor, after raising her family, set out on her own path, her first stop being the dorm where I lived. She introduced me to ideas about the power of the mind. Gregge Tiffen, who I quote often here, was in the US Army until an experience in life led him to Tibet to pursue training in mysticism.

I’ve only just begun to introduce you to this parade of amazing people who lived life on their terms and, who in so doing, contributed to mine. You’ll likely meet others as I continue these weekly explorations.

Meanwhile, who are your influencers and what common thread connects them?

Dare To Be Loco

"Choose to be a locomotive. The cars will follow." - Gregge Tiffen

As I began to write about this idea of being the locomotive in your life, the two words ‘loco’ and ‘motive’ jumped out and me and as often happens in this Thursday morning writing space, the direction shifted … a least just a little bit. For me, that’s part of the joy of this commitment to write and share each week. And, that commitment is part of being the locomotive in my life, no matter how others respond.

Some days I discover that takes courage. Someone makes a comment that I take for a moment as a criticism. As long as that criticism is in play in my decisions, I’ve become the car, allowing someone else’s opinion to be the locomotive. Awareness first, then the courage to choose differently, put me back as the leader in my life.

It takes courage as well to buck the world’s ways, many of which seemed designed to keep us as box cars or tankers in the train of life, following what they would have us do. Parents, family, friends, schools, teachers, and more are well intentioned in what they offer, but they can’t know us and how we operate. They can’t know what is true for us, just as we can’t know them or any other. [Have I mentioned how I’m learning that living my life is a full time job (especially when I choose to be the locomotive!)? That, if you will, is a story for another day.]

I’ve long thought that many people ‘diagnosed’ as ‘crazy’ in some form need less pharmaceutical drugs and more understanding and space to be who they are.   In my heart I believe they are simply on a different learning trajectory than the systems – religious, educational, business, government – are designed to support. My heart sometimes aches for them and for what we lose in the approaches that we take toward those who don’t conform.

For me, being the locomotive in my life looks like living life as a learning laboratory. My motive is found in the question ‘what can I learn today?’ Some days it may be learning from a tree or a rock on our daily walking paths, or perhaps the soothing sound of a mountain stream has a message. This week I’m being curious about how to stay in my own rhythm and timing as I engage in the process of buying a home. And, at the same time, a small part of me wonders if that decision isn’t itself perhaps a bit ‘loco’.

Perhaps it may not “make sense” by all of the measures of the world. But, in my heart and my being, I deeply know it’s my next big step in life. Operating from that place, I look forward to discovering what cars line up to follow on my track.

Question for the Week: Where might you dare to experiment in the joy of being the locomotive in your life?

Reclaiming Our Childlike Qualities

"I am convinced that most people do not grow up...We marry and dare to have children and call that growing up. I think what we do is mostly grow old. We carry accumulation of years in our bodies, and on our faces, but generally our real selves, the children inside, are innocent and shy as magnolias.” - Maya Angelou - Letter to My Daughter

"As willing adults, we are able to trust, be curious, be enthused, be pleased with ourselves, and be fully generous once again. We are able to know and feel and experience the peace, joy, and love creatively produced by Mother Nature as we live in harmony with her." - Gregge Tiffen – Mother Nature

I’m coming to believe that maturity or growing up is about reclaiming the qualities that were natural to me as a child. I trusted. I was curious and enthusiastic (at least at a very young age). I participated in each day allowing one thing to lead to the next, and the next. And, I gave freely without any expectation of return, whether it was my love or my toys.

Then I began to learn from parents, from teachers, seemingly from life itself that to trust, to be curious, generous and enthusiastic was not safe. These were sure pathways to being hurt. I learned too that the road to being ignored, lonely and considered by others as egotistical was paved with self-satisfaction. I learned that there are so-called requirements and responsibilities in life (there are, but they aren’t what I learned back then). What I was supposed to do and who I was supposed to be in the eyes of others took over.

I was on a path, as the quote from Maya Angelou suggests, to growing old. It wasn’t pretty. Yes, there were some very good times, personally and professionally. But, despite the façade of smiles and positive words, deep inside I knew I wasn’t the happy camper I was designed to be.

Today, as I live more quietly, slowly, in touch with nature and, therefore, myself, I feel those childhood qualities growing in me and with me again.

I’m curious – not about anything and everything, but about nature and the laws of the Universe. I’m enthusiastic about experimenting to discover what works (and what doesn’t).   I trust that things turn out how they turn out and that is perfectly perfect (even when I don’t like it). I trust myself and I absolutely know that I know how to survive AND how to thrive. I’m pleased with myself and how I’m living my life (and, if that’s egotistical, so be it). And, I’m discovering that to the extent that I can be generous with me, I can be generous with others.

In learning to live in harmony with myself, I am growing in my capacity to “know and feel and experience the peace, joy, and love” available equally to us all.  Imagine living life with the qualities these children in Turkey demonstrate in what may be the best commercial I've ever seen:  http://www.chonday.com/Videos/turkarilne2

Reflection For The Week:  In what areas of life do you experience the childlike qualities of trust, curiosity, enthusiasm, satisfaction and generosity? What would it look like to deepen and expand that experience?

Thoughts are The Seeds of Life

"With every thought, whether conscious or not, I create the quality of my life." - Cindy Reinhardt

We humans are such creative and powerful beings. Sometimes, we’re a bit silly too. Silly as in we have moments (hours, days, or longer) when we lose sight of just how powerful we are. Our thoughts are the foundation of that power.

When we forget, it seems as if we hand over our power to another person or an event. And, that they or it, not we, are creating the quality in our life. Who among us has not had the experience of thinking ‘if they (or it) would just change, I would be happy’? Those experiences have the possibility of waking us up and pointing to thoughts (conscious and not), beliefs, and stories that it may be time to shed.

I had just such an experience over the last week when at a tense moment in conversation some unconscious thought took over. I lost my awareness in the moment and with it my power to choose my path, to choose love over some (probably insignificant) fear. It wasn’t pretty.

These are the events in life that give me the opportunity to root out the weeds that pop up in the garden of my thoughts. I like to do so with care, rather than pulling and tossing blindly. Some weeds have hidden, unknown value. Upon reflection, they can be managed differently rather being destroyed. They can contribute to rather than detract from life’s quality.

My favorite weeding tools are contemplation, letting go, and forgiveness. Then, I nurture the garden of my remaining thoughts with gratitude, awareness, and practice.

As I walk through my own life’s events and, as a coach, have the privilege of hearing stories of the events in my client’s lives, I become ever more deeply present to just how powerful our thoughts are. With our thoughts we create joy. With our thoughts we create misery. We choose.

When we spill milk, we clean it up. We choose what tools to use and we choose whether to cry over the spill or to grow from it. With our thoughts we create the quality of our life from one moment to the next and beyond.

Experiment for the Week: Take time to notice your thoughts this week, especially in events that bring tension. What thoughts need weeding? What thoughts need TLC?

Changes in Scenery, Changes in Pace

"When we start doing things that are repetitive we begin to lose any sense of the experience. We lose any issue of the creative element." - Gregge Tiffen

I’m out of my daily scenery and daily routines this week, traveling to be with a friend and support her recovery from surgery. The changes in scenery (new paths to walk, a different mountain range with new beauty to savor, a spring snow storm, more dogs, houses, people and cars) and the changes in pace presented the opportunity for heightened awareness this week of how easy it is to slip into routines and out of awareness of the choices we make that contribute to the quality of our lives.

I’d been reflecting a bit on my observations when my friend gave voice to them. She went out with me to run a few errands, her first trip out since surgery. At one stop I parked in the shade of a tree and when I returned she shared how the change of scenery and change of pace created the space for the simple awareness of observing the bark of the tree, the movement of the leaves, the touch of the breeze on her skin.

So, this week, as I break the routine of a longer post with pictures, I invite you to do the same. Break some of your normal routines. Walk a different path in a different direction. Take a different route to work. Step with awareness into a shower or washing dishes. And, notice the multitude of creative choices that these simple acts hold.

Make an opportunity to go soak in the beauty that surrounds you wherever you are in the world!

Gratitude is An Act of Self-Care

"Nowhere else will you find greater demand or greater satisfaction than that which the bloom of self caring can bring to the Garden of Life." - Gregge Tiffen

I’d not especially noticed the link between gratitude and self-care until earlier this week when I had the experience of feeling deeply grateful for the commitment I have to what Thomas Leonard, my first coaching mentor, called “extreme self-care”. It was a bright, sunshiny Sunday morning after an amazing early hike with Luke as I sat down to enjoy the tasty brunch I’d prepared. As I took a moment to be thankful for the food and all who had some role in putting it on my table, a feeling of deep gratitude for how I take care of myself swept through me. In that moment I realized that living in gratitude is, for me, an act of self-care.

Perhaps some of you will think “well, duh, of course …”, but for me it was an ah-ha moment. It took me back to when I first began to consciously practice gratitude over a decade ago. I started a practice of consciously breathing in love, breathing out gratitude. Several years later, I realized that love and gratitude lived in each and every breath I take.

This week I have a deep sense that this and other practices of gratitude are acts of self-care that make my life the joy that it is to live, one of many acts that keep me healthy, happy, and, hopefully, on purpose. My first and last thought and words each day are “Thank you” and I’ve come to feel those words in my heart. Meister Eckhart, the 13th century German theologian, philosopher and mystic, is quoted as saying "If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough." I’m experiencing the truth of Eckhart’s words as well as that in Gregge’s wise words above.

Living in gratitude, like self-care, is easy when life is flowing in the ways we want. As I celebrate the birth of my step-son’s daughter this week, I am grateful on many levels. I’m grateful for our relationship across the years and miles, for his happiness, his health and that of his growing family. And, I’m grateful for the internet which keeps us easily connected (not to mention the flow of baby photos since her birth!). It’s easy to be grateful.

But perhaps the ultimate self-care is to develop the capacity to be genuinely grateful in the midst of adversity. What kind of world might be created if we learned to be grateful to live amidst and navigate through life’s challenges with gratitude? Is gratitude a path to world peace?  And, aren't our children and our children's children worth whatever it takes?

Exploration for the Week: Notice your relationship to gratitude this week. What are you thankful for? What else might you be thankful for?

Self-Belief is the Foundation for Love

"Love will conquer all." - Lionel Richie

"The love that conquers all is the choice love. It is the unconditional love." - James Michael Randorff, Unit Leader, Bassist at Seventh Fleet Band & Musician at United States Navy

"Let’s consider that it is self-belief that provides the freedom for individuals to acknowledge one anothers beliefs without interference." - Patrece on behalf of P-Systems (www.P-SystemsInc.com)

These two ideas converged as I reflected on a Facebook post yesterday...

written by my amazing stepson (and soon to be father), wondering to myself ‘just what would make it possible for me to love unconditionally’. I wasn’t thinking so much about loving those close to me (although, like most of us, from time to time I find my love being conditional). I was wondering how I might love those whose views I don’t share, those whose actions harm others (at least as I see it). As I look at this morning, I suppose I was wondering ‘how can I be more loving in all areas of my life?’

Then, I thought about situations that clients have brought to our coaching this week: fear of failing in managing a team with members who act disrespectfully toward one another, a strained family relationship where manipulation trumps all else, a pattern of taking on things not her responsibility and thus creating confusion about what she really wants. What could love bring to those situations? What could be a foundation for developing the capacity to love?

That’s when I realized that self-belief is key. In order to respect another or their views, I need a deep conviction in myself that no matter what ‘they’ do, they cannot endanger that part of me that really matters. What provides the foundation for my capacity to love is my belief in me, my confidence in my capacity to weather any storm and to be the captain of the ship that is my life. If you are reading this you are breathing. And, if you are breathing you have weathered many storms. Acknowledging this track record is the start of building self-belief.

From self-belief comes the capacity to respect and to be curious about another person’s point of view rather than to be fearful of it. From respect and curiosity, new possibilities for conversations and actions are likely to arise. And, it only takes one of us to make the first move.

From self-belief comes relief from the pressure to prove something by taking on what isn’t ours to do.

From self-belief comes the possibility of forgiving those whose actions have harmed us in some way.

From self-belief comes greater possibility for unconditional love and the conversations and actions that will bring forth greater peace in our personal lives and on the planet.

From self-belief comes Luke’s sheer joy at playing in the creek in sub-freezing temperatures, my curiosity to explore and find the balance inherent in rocks,  and the audacity to connect these pics and the message. (And, you thought today’s pics had nothing to do with the topic. Surprise!)

Exploration for the Week:  Notice what situations trigger your to question your belief in you. What belief in you calls out for you to strengthen?

Rock Solid Foundation

"A rock solid foundation is impermeable like rock itself. Each rock has its points of balance and each has a beauty inside that remains unseen until it is unveiled. And, so it is with the foundation on which we build our life." - Cindy Reinhardt

The words ‘rock solid’ have been with me since early yesterday. At some point in the day I realized they were suggesting a focus for this week’s post. Then, thoughts began to flow around having a rock solid foundation in life. What does that mean? How does my foundation measure up?

This morning I awoke, picked up my pen and journal, and I began to write. I wrote a bit about the rocks that bring great beauty to our local landscape. And, about a rock that caught my eye yesterday. It proved to be a perfect piece to add to a rock balancing sculpture that I started last fall (and that survived, hidden beneath the winter snow). I’m a novice at rock balancing, yet when I engage in stacking and balancing, individual rocks seem to call out and guide me to their points of balance.

I give the activity my best shot and let the rocks fall where they may. Whether they stand or fall is not the point. When they stand, I cheer and grab the camera. When they fall, I learn that I didn’t have quite the right point of balance. Each is a success. My confidence builds and my desire to experiment grows. How can that be?

That’s when it struck me that my foundation in life is the internal balance that’s come from developing a strong sense of who I am as an individual point in and part of an infinite and loving Universe. Unlike the rocks, we humans have free will, and in addition to the heavenly host of ‘angels’ that can guide us on our path, we experience a gauntlet of ‘devils’ that would have us choose them as our foundation.

I’ve learned that I stand strong and life flows with more ease when I operate from the inside out, allowing what’s in front of me to show me the point of balance that’s needed. To give each event my best shot and, then, to let the chips fall where they may is a point of balance and strength missing in a world that tells us that force and control are the foundations we should rely upon.

I’m coming to see that my foundation is rock solid. While it may not measure up to the world’s definition of what a foundation should be I conclude it serves me well. And, that’s the measure that counts.

Exploration for the Week: On what (or whose) foundation are you making the choices each day that build your life?

For a very special treat, check out this short video from Rock Shaman, Travis Ruskus:  http://youtu.be/yH17-HajfAk Color me in awe and inspired!

Beauty and the Season's First Bear Tracks

"If we were truly moved by the beauty of the world about us, we would honor the earth in a profound way." - Thomas Berry

What might our world look like if we each ‘honored the earth in a profound way’ as Thomas Berry suggests in his essay, The Earth Community?   What if we could see beauty in everything, like these bear tracks from my morning walk?

My first inclination is to rail more loudly against those whose greed continues to destroy the planet, her natural beauty and gifts. You know who I mean. The frackers, the mountain top removal miners … a very long list. It’s easy to point the finger of blame and to ignore my own choices that contribute to the destruction.

Next I thought about what I believe we should all do: recycle more, create energy from renewable sources, grow and eat organic, purchase recycled products. Again, the list is long. It’s worthy. And, yet it misses the mark of profound that I imagine Berry had in mind when he penned this essay.

I’m aiming for something personal: profound as in great or intense, heartfelt, wise. I’m aiming for expression, deep care for the planet I’m blessed to call home. And, this brings me back to me. ‘How can I honor the earth in a profound way?’

As I look out at the beauty of another blessed spring snow with its life giving moisture, I realize that I can bring consistency and add depth to my gratitude for the earth. I can acknowledge and appreciate not just the beauty that feeds my soul, but the splendor of all that the planet provides to sustain life: air to breathe, water to drink, fuel to warm me and support me in being mobile, food to nourish my body, materials for shelter. Again, the list is long.

As I reconnect with this deeper awareness and as gratitude fills my being, I wonder what changes may come when I practice acknowledging and appreciating the planet for her gifts on a daily basis. Will I discover lifestyle changes not yet seen to reduce my impact on our home? Might new, creative ideas emerge to make an even larger difference? What else is possible from conscious gratitude and appreciation? How might my small, yet profound care contribute to raising consciousness? I look forward discovering what will emerge in the days, weeks, months and years ahead. And, I invite you to join me.

Experiment for the Week: Take 60 seconds each day to feel and express your profound appreciation for the Earth. And take a few minutes more to share your discoveries on the Zone blog.

Facing What Is Changes What Will Be

"The act of running shuts off almost all of one's Universal flow since the body and mind are focused on escape." - Gregge Tiffen

Sometimes in life an event occurs that triggers our flight, fight or freeze response. When we shift into this mode we lose our receptivity to Universal flow.

We forget everything we 'know' about how life really works. We experience losing access to our power, the power that we use easily in course of our normal daily activities. We flee. We blame someone else. Or, perhaps, we ignore the event, hoping it will go away.

Tax time in the United States, the April 15 date on which tax returns and taxes are due, is a time that brings this out for many. And, this year, I had just such an opportunity to step out of my power, when I learned that I'd made an error resulting in a significant tax due. I could ignore it and face the consequences later. I could step into anger at the government for taxing me or at myself for being so stupid. Not good choices I decided.

On the other hand, I could face my mistake, pay the taxman, be grateful for the income, and correct the error to avoid the same situation this time next year. I chose this course, and the results I experienced were nothing short of miraculous! My thinking was clear and I could see several options for meeting the obligation. I reached out to explore the best approach and to ask for help. A gift arrived that covered the amount due. Then, magically other projects that had seemed stalled began to move again. Best of all, I didn't experience the stress so common in our culture around this issue we are blessed with the free will to choose how we face what life presents us. Fight, flight, fear and blame beget results that cause stress, worry, and dis-ease. This approach is rather like imposing a personal emotional tax on ourselves. It makes us rigid and, like the pine above, we may break.

Our other choice is to allow and dance with what is. That's how I imagine that the cheerful mountain bluebirds move through life. When we face and embrace what is with responsibility and gratitude, the form of what comes next is forever changed. We stay in our power, allowing Universal flow to course through and guide us on our path.

Exploration for the Week: Notice where you are taxing yourself by choosing to fight, flee, or freeze from some event in life. Consider choosing differently.