Creating Spaciousness

Discovery produces the experience that produces knowledge. Gregge Tiffen  (The Language of a Mystic: Creativity – March, 2009*)

Life is a series of experiments that help us clarify our next step. Cindy Reinhardt

Although not consistently with awareness, I’m always experimenting to discover what works and what doesn’t.  I’ve noticed that, when something works, it often becomes a habit, and that I neglect the need for periodic re-evaluation.

Seeing the empty space behind my home where a deteriorating old deck stood just the day before reminded me of the need to create space for the new by letting go of that which no longer serves (at least in its current form).  I chuckled as I imagined my talented contractor trying to build the new deck, without first removing the old one.

As I reflected for a moment, I thought of many times in life when I’ve hung on to things (stuff, ideas, beliefs, etc.) until the new was right there: a job that provided a paycheck but no sense of accomplishment, a client who wasn’t a good fit,  an affiliation with no spark kept only out of habit.  Experiments that worked initially, but that upon re-evaluation (sometimes prompted by discomfort) no longer worked for the best in me.

I also recognized the awesome opportunities that emerged in those times when I was clueless about what was next.  The examples that stand out are those in which I left jobs: deputy director of the housing authority in Houston, vice-president of a real estate development company, executive coach with a coach training company. 

With each departure, something new opened not only professionally (the next great job, a thriving consulting practice, being among the first to be trained as a professional coach and a founding member of the International Coach Federation), but personally as well (meeting Gregge Tiffen, life-long friendships, a marriage and step-son, my move to Crestone).

Now, as I embrace the newness of this spring (see last week’s blog here), I’m repurposing more than old boards from the deck out back.  My business name, Creative Resources Group and my corporation are being retired.  I’m letting go of my 20-year membership in the ICF.  I’m clearing out old papers and files in my office and ‘stuff’ from the garage. Exactly how the energy, resources and efficiencies of those choices will manifest isn’t clear.  I feel their spaciousness.

For now, I’ll continue coaching as Success Zone, my website for many years. I’ll put much more business energy into my bed & breakfast, Dragonfly House-Crestone (LINK).  I’m also taking a deeper dive into the legacy that Gregge Tiffen left behind in his writing, transcripts of his workshops, and recordings of my many sessions with him over 25 years.  And, more long walks with Luke.

I wasn’t always aware that every choice I make is an experiment that evokes discovery far beyond whether it serves me or not.  But that awareness has created a spaciousness and yummy softness in my life for which I am most grateful.

By-Passing Cultural Fear Factories

"Spiritual development reduces your habitual fear buttons to a minimum level until they are eliminated altogether." - Gregge Tiffen (Revealing Habits – 2011)

Sometime early last year my coach and spiritual mentor posed a question and a challenge. “What are the threats dogging you that you need to remove?” ‘Threats? Who me? I’m fearless’ was my initial response.

As I reflected on her inquiry, I realized that I was allowing far too much input from our culture’s ‘fear factories’.

You most likely have (or can create) your own list of them. Mine includes politicians who warn of doom and dire consequences if their policies are not followed; ‘news’ media fixated on war, terrorism and crime with a good helping of bad economic news; the financial services industry’s persistent messages about ‘not having enough money for retirement’; an entire industry of marketers hawking products to make me look better, feel better, drive the right car, wear the right jeans, etc. so that I can know that I’m ‘enough’. And, just to be totally honest, there are those with whom I agree (the organic, non-GMO food folks, for example) who all too often play the fear card as well.

Fear factories insert themselves in our lives in ways that range from BOLD to subtle, always aiming to snatch our free will and impose their own, having us make choices in service to them.

One approach is to turn off the spigot, isolating oneself from such input. But for someone who’s curious about what goes on in the world, that didn’t seem like a good option. Besides, where’s the potential for personal growth in avoidance?

As I continued to reflect and observe, I noticed that I wasn’t countering input from the fear factories with the faith and trust that I’ve nurtured in my 40+ years exploring how the Universe works. Eureka!

That awareness alone countered my nagging (but mostly unconscious) concern that I’d end up a homeless bag-lady under a bridge. Even worse, bridges are few and far between here in the southern Rockies, so I might be bridgeless as well! While the shift seemed to happen in an instant, I realized that over time I’d developed a strong spiritual belief system, and that this foundation was the key to putting my habits of fear to rest.

Not allowing myself to be sucked in to the fear factories’ consistent cries for me to be fearful requires diligence. And, I continue to develop my capacity to nimbly and gently bring myself back to my foundation when the fear mongers’ voices touch a sensitive place inside.

Consciously or not, we are each on a spiritual journey. As I read the above quote earlier this week, I realize just how important and practical (at least for me) that journey is.

Loving Life

"When you love the life you are living, you have the life you love." - Gregge Tiffen

We have a choice about how to be with the experiences that life presents. And, we have the free will to choose what we will do with them. What I’ve come to appreciate is that every experience is a learning opportunity when I’m willing to pay attention to what’s going on, what I’m doing, and how I’m doing it.

I’m discovering joy in this attention, particularly in some of my daily routines like building a fire each morning to warm my home. Through that experience each day and the preparation required I’m learning many things about wood, how to arrange kindling for a good start, and such. I’m already thinking ahead to next winter – purchasing my wood earlier so that it will be dryer, stacking it in a different place, etc.

That’s valuable learning, but it only scratches the surface. This seemingly simple daily event is teaching me much more. I’ve come to appreciate the focus, attention, and patience required to create a fire that will warm my home. Those requirements make it the perfect activity for my morning quiet time, even though I have to get up from my cozy perch and put my reading or writing on pause for a few moments.

Each morning I’m reminded that I choose how to approach the experience. I’m aware that I could choose to make it a ‘chore’ and be grumpy about how long it takes to warm the room and that my reading or writing has been interrupted. I could work up some real juice when the kindling doesn’t ignite with the first match.

And, that daily reminder strengthens my capacity to choose to love and learn from all of my life, even those events that in the moment I might prefer not to experience: an injured toe, ice melt leaking in the garage, the prospective client that chooses another coach, not receiving an expected greeting from a loved one, allowing myself to be duped into a sales presentation having been told I’d ‘won a prize’.

Those seemingly little things in life can teach us so much and remind us to “love the life we are living,” so we can “have the life we love”. In this month of love, what ‘little thing’ in life can you love this week?

Beginning Anew

"Each moment holds the power of promise for you to exert your individuality, to expand in wisdom and to reflect only good. Universal intelligence is always working. Begin with a promise to yourself that you will co-create with it." - Gregge Tiffen

We’ve said our farewells to the year passed and, good or bad, hopefully we’ve let go and stepped fully into the new calendar year 2015. She’s already a week old, yet still a babe – with 358 days to live, laugh, love and create our lives.

Perhaps your year is off to fast start and you are well on your way to the awesome goals you’ve set forth. Or, maybe you’ve noticed that your goals just aren’t compelling you into action each day and you wonder ‘what’s up with that?’ Perhaps, like me, your goals are just beginning to form.

As I began to reflect on my goals for this new year, those that first emerged (and those that are most exciting to me) address quality of life: how I want to experience it rather than what I want to accomplish, what I want to learn more than what I can do with what I think I know, and how I want to be over what I want or need to do.

Deeply connected with nature, for example, giving myself time to walk the labyrinth and explore the woods out back. What does their deep quiet offer? Or, understanding the roles my physical, mental and spiritual bodies play and how they work so that I can better create with each.

I didn’t intentionally start there, rather those ideas simply showed up. And, I’m following to see where they lead.

In noticing these, I’ve begun to wonder if perhaps the world’s approach to goals [‘accomplish this and you’ll be happy, successful’; ‘do that and you’ll have the life of your dreams’] isn’t backward.

What might we create if with start by identifying the qualities we desire in life, declare them clearly, and then use the opportunities that come our way to create those qualities?

That’s how I’m beginning anew … what about you?

Thank YOU 2014!

"Be happy with yourself. The joy you experience provides an indestructible armor against any misfortune. Your voice was meant to be a lullaby giving comfort to the weary and security to the young. You were meant to be the giver and the gift. Do not attempt to take that from yourself. It cannot be done any more than you can take the stars from the heavens. You have your place in the Universe. Accept it with grace and good humor." - Gregge Tiffen

As we often do when we prepare to turn the page on an old year and step into the blank slate of a new one, a look back is in order.

I started the year wondering how to go beyond the measures of success that the world suggests we use to evaluate. I posed these questions to myself and in my first post of 2014:

• What am I here to learn?
• What qualities in my life do I choose to more fully develop?
• How well do I see everything in life as opportunity?
• How strong is my belief in the personal power that I have been given?
• How well am I using my capacity to live in the world without becoming of it?

As the 365 days of 2014 come to a close, I happy to say that I am happy with myself. I’m mostly pleased with how I walked through the year, its opportunities and challenges.

One year ago this week I started serious conversations with the owner (who is also a dear friend) about how I might purchase this home. I felt deeply that I was meant to be here, to steward the property, and to create a place for others to come for rest, renewal, and connecting deeply with nature. And, I didn’t see how that could be possible.

But I took a step, then another, and I continued to walk. I learned more deeply how to trust and to allow things to unfold. Unfold it did: a seller willing and able to negotiate, a gift received, a discovery that now was the best time to begin receiving my Social Security payments, and unexpectedly discovering that I could qualify for a mortgage.

Step by step the way revealed itself and the Dragonfly House was born, receiving her first guests in late July and throughout the month of August.

While I’m proud of simply accomplishing the goal, I’m most satisfied with what I gained in the process – a deeper conviction of the power I have as a co-creator in my life, a rediscovery of what ‘home’ means to me as a quality in my life, and a better understanding of the freedom living life on my terms brings.

As I bid adieu to my friend, 2014, and open the door to her successor, I do so with a deep bow of gratitude and with anticipation for what opportunities this year, 2015, has in store for each of us.

The Way That Is In You

"Do not compare, do not measure. No other way is like yours. All other ways deceive and tempt you. You must fulfill the way that is in you." - Carl Jung

As I was snuggled in front of the fire several mornings past about to begin my morning reading and quiet time practice, Luke, who had been sleeping at my feet, woke and began to scratch. He's been doing that more than usual,

and it reminded me of a comment that a dog trainer made some time ago about scratching becoming a habit in "OCD dogs".

Remembering her comment triggered a series of thoughts about our cultural habit of diagnosing and labeling behavior that doesn't fit the culture's definition of 'normal' (think ADD, ADHD, OCD, etc.).

I thought about how it seems to me we are trying to create a 'one size fits all' culture that, while it gives lip service to individuality, seeks conformity to some not quite clear definition of "normal". One size hardly fits anyone well. This is what I see when I look at our education system, much of the business and corporate world, and even health care. Learn this. Do this. Take this drug. Don't be different. Conform.

After a few minutes, I put aside that thinking and opened my Science of Mind
magazine to start my daily reading. The quote above greeted me, and I chuckled at the 'coincidence'.

Then as I reflected more deeply, I felt deep gratitude for the path that is uniquely mine and for daring to step out to discover and experiment with how the Universe works.

I'm grateful for those teachers along the way who encourage me. I'm grateful too for those who discourage and need for me to conform. Each provides information and experiences for me to discover more about 'the way that is in me'. I'm grateful for the experiences that I glide through with ease. I'm learning to see those that seem not so easy, even painful, as experiments in discovering and developing 'my way'. And, I'm grateful for them as well.

I'm reminded of Frank Sinatra's hit from my college days, My Way.  I trust I'm nowhere near my 'final curtain', but I aim to be able to sing it with joy and sincerity when I get there. For me, that is yet another way to define success.

Reflection for the Week: How true are you to ‘the way that is in you’?

Choosing Faith Over Fear

"So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." - Franklin Delano Roosevelt (in his first inaugural address – 1933)

We’ve all felt that “nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror” that stops us in our tracks. Sometimes though, fear isn’t so obvious. It creeps into our thoughts as concern and into our words and deeds as we navigate daily life. Perhaps we don’t notice feeling especially fearful, but we find ourselves worrying. That worry can lead us down any number of destructive paths. It blocks us from the creative flow of the Universe.

The antidote is faith. I’m coming to understand more deeply that I respond (or react) to life’s events from one or the other – fear or faith. One brings me joy and curiosity. The other brings stress and pain.

Developing faith first requires us to know what we believe. I personally believe in an abundant, loving Universe that offers a cornucopia of opportunity of all shapes, forms and colors. All that is asked of me is to ask, trust, and step forward to receive.

After we come to understand what we believe (or perhaps even what we think we might or could believe), faith requires consistent practice, bringing our belief into everything, to each event life brings our way. In making this my practice (and in sometimes forgetting to do so) I’ve strengthened my conviction about the nature of the Universe.

This week, I’ve had the opportunity to choose faith rather than stepping into fear when, much to my chagrin, I discovered that I’d made a costly error. I misread the ‘free trial period’ offer for a course that I wanted to try out, and when I called to cancel, I was told that I wouldn’t receive a full refund because I was beyond the trial period. I felt a surge of energy. I paused. I took a breath. I made my case and admitted my error as I talked with a customer service representative and up the chain to his boss. I kept in check what could have easily become fear expressed as anger.

When the conversation ended and after a brief ‘you should have paid more attention’ conversation with myself, I plugged into my belief that the resources I need will come and that being angry would block the flow. I stopped any conversation in my head about ‘them’ or ‘me’. At day’s end an email informed me that ‘voila’ I had a new client, a step on the path to recovering my loss.

This week, I’ve also had the opportunity to observe a community conversation around the budget and proposed fee increases by the agency that provides water and sanitation services. Some residents have expressed concern that increases will continue and they won’t be able to afford to live in the community. As the conversation has unfolded via email to board members (I serve on the board) and on social media, I’ve observed some who engage in angry, inaccurate comments stated as fact. They seem to have no interest in dialog. From my perspective, they are grounded in fear.

Others are concerned, but come forth with questions and curiosity about how we can do this differently. I sense that, while they don’t know the answers, they have faith that we can chart a course that works. Watching this conversation up close and personal and preparing to participate in it when I chair tomorrow’s board meeting, has me wonder ‘what is the world we will create when we choose faith over fear’? I don’t know, but my imagination likes the look and feel of this possibility for myself personally, for my community, and for the planet.

Doing vs. Living

"We progress by experiencing what is happening with our full awareness. We should never go through any condition or event without perceiving the full essence of that experience through our own senses. When was the last time you really tasted a French fry?" - Gregge Tiffen

This quote which comes from an essay I was reading last night, after a tiring day, woke me up to the awareness that I’d gone through the day ‘doing’ rather than ‘living’. As I reflected back on the day, I understood that my experiencing being tired was due in large part to this lack of awareness. Snuggling in to that awareness, I experienced a great night’s sleep.

I awoke with the crystal clear intention to ‘live’ this day. To be aware as I built the morning fire, engaged in my morning quiet time, walked Luke, prepared our breakfast, and circled back to address the issue that didn’t reach resolution in my ‘doing’ of the day before.

I noticed thoughts about what had happened yesterday continued to pop in along with what I thought my response was going to be. One by one, I set them aside (or at the very least made the attempt) and lived in gratitude for what was before me in the moment, be it the cozy fire, an inspiring quote, snowy morning air, Luke, or breakfast (I really tasted each bite of the egg, onion and spinach; the sausage as well as the whole grain toast!)

I set this intention because I realized that in ‘doing’ life, I ended the day tired and dissatisfied despite having ‘done’ many things. This became obvious when at day’s end after a nice long shower, I was drying my hair, stewing about the day, and suddenly the bathroom went dark, the dryer off. I burst out laughing at the humor of the Universe as I realized that I’d forgotten to turn off the electric heater. I had indeed blown a circuit in my approach to the day.

I became aware of opportunities missed to notice how ALL of me was feeling about how I was going through the day. I suspect there were many clues that may have guided me on a different path than the one that ended as it did. And, I became aware that in ‘doing’ I missed the sense of enjoyment and gratitude for each of my daily routines.

Today, I’m ‘living’ the actions that need to be taken with the issue that arose yesterday. I’m betting that the resolution will flow easily and that at day’s end, I’ll have the best reward of all – a sense of personal satisfaction.

Invitation for the Week: Explore whether you are living in awareness or simply doing your way through each day.

Managing Our Stories

"No matter what the lips may be saying, the inner thought outspeaks them, and the unspoken word often carries more weight than the spoken." - Ernest Holmes – The Science of Mind

This week I discovered (much to my chagrin) I have some distance to go to manage the stories I manufacture about others and events that waste my energy. You know the stories that I refer to. They’re the ones that become like that catchy tune you find yourself singing in your head.

I don’t know about you, but when I feel totally justified in my position, I don’t easily let it go. In my head, I tell the world what a jerk someone was. And, I tell him (or her) off, citing how stupid (or some variation thereof) they’ve been. I need a ‘no trespassing’ sign for my thoughts!

On some level there must be a perceived payoff. Perhaps it’s a twisted version confirming just how smart I am. Ha! Yep, I’m so smart that I’m allowing another to occupy the sacred space of my being. And, the cost of that occupation is huge, wasting my time and my energy focusing on a past event that I can’t change. Or, worse projecting into the future how I might ‘get even’ or ‘show them’. Ugh!

What I realized this week (duh!) is that when I throw away my present, my essence goes right along with it. When I’m holding on to one of those stories, I’m not being who I was designed to be. I’m not deeply connected to nature’s beauty when the static of a story is playing in the background. I’m not attentive to whatever task is at hand. I’m not really focused on the present conversation with someone else or to what I’m reading. Most of all, I’m not present to me.

And, the atmosphere I create is not the atmosphere I want to live in. Growth whether personally or in the garden requires nurturing, patience and time. These onions planted along with carrot, beet, turnip and other seeds reached their harvest time just this week.

I’m grateful for the person and event that sparked this deeper awareness of something that I’ve known for a long while. And, for my willingness to notice both how far I’ve come and that there is still some road to travel. Now, back to nature and the presence she deserves!

Exploration for the Week:  What stories (or songs) are replaying in your head?  Are they supporting you or do they need to be banished?

Stack Wood. Carry Rocks.

"Before Enlightenment chop wood carry water, after Enlightenment, chop wood carry water." - Zen Proverb

This week I’ve been stacking wood in preparation for winter and carrying rocks up to the labyrinth I’m building in the woods behind Dragonfly House. Along the way, I discovered what a joy these tasks are when I engage in them mindfully. Yep, duh, smile (we all know this, right?)!

So often when doing such tasks, I find myself immersed in thinking about something else: the project I’m working on that isn’t going like I want it to, the long list of other things I could (or at that moment think I ‘should’) be doing, or who I can get to give me advice about a roof repair. More worry than thinking, if I’m honest. I came to the awareness this week that I was wasting energy, my precious energy. And, perhaps more importantly, I realized that I was depriving myself of joy.

And, so I shifted gears.

The task of hauling rocks up and placing them in the labyrinth, became an exercise in communing with each rock and with the land and the trees of the labyrinth space. As I let go, each rock spoke more clearly than the one before, guiding me where it was to be placed. Some of the rocks placed earlier asked to be moved. I joyfully granted their wish. In the energy of this sacred space, I began to deepen both my connection to all that is AND my independence and freedom as an individual. You might guess that I find this much more rewarding and productive than worry. Pure joy! And, I have a sense of satisfaction not only in completing the work, but also in my approach.

Now, as I’ve go out to stack wood each day, I set aside the projects and decisions around which I feel stuck. I fully engage in the geometric puzzle of stacking wood so that each stack is stable (don’t ask how many I’ve toppled along the way!) and allows air to move and further dry my fuel. More joy and satisfaction!

An added benefit is a sense that the experience has strengthened my patience muscle. As I shift back to those ‘stuck’ projects and decisions in the weeks ahead, I’m guessing that patience will serve me well. And, that they will move forward at just the right time and in just the right direction.

Success comes in many forms and this week, my own personal SuccessZone has been one of discovery and deepened conviction. To joy, satisfaction, and patience, I add gratefulness. Oh, and I didn’t miss a moment of the beauty of the colorful Autumn here in the Rockies!

Invitation for the Week: As you go about some routine task, notice where your thoughts are. Bring them back to you, to the task at hand, and discover what joy you may be missing.