Dancing with Denial and Despair

Morning Sun and Grasses

Denial is deeply underestimated as a state of being. Denial is an ever-present and even splendid thing when seen in the light of its merciful and elemental powers to cradle and hold an identity until it is ready to move on. David Whyte (Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words)

Despair takes us in when we have nowhere else to go: when we feel our heart cannot break any more, when our world or our loved ones disappear … Despair is a haven with its own temporary form of strange beauty and self-compassion; it is the invitation we accept when we want to remove ourselves from hurt. … a necessary and seasonal state of repair … the last bastion of hope. … The antidote to despair is not to be found in the brave attempt to cheer ourselves up with happy abstracts, but in paying profound and courageous attention to the body and the breath, independent of our imprisoning thoughts and stories, even, surprisingly, in paying attention to despair itself … David Whyte (Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words)

Ah. Once again David Whyte imbues words I often deny as dance partners with a depth that invites me to acknowledge and, even, embrace them as companions on life’s journey.

I’ve been wondering ‘what does one write in a time such as this?’ as I consider where The Pivot may go in the future. The question joins last week’s Now What? question: What is mine to do?

Such questions come and go as I engage in the daily ‘doing’ of life, but this morning I woke with a touch of dread about writing a post. What is mine to say, to add to the seemingly endless narratives of this time? They feel like questions of the soul rather than ones asking that I simply ‘figure it out’. They ask for my soul’s deepest knowing or at least invite me to explore from that deeper perspective. Perhaps inviting that into my awareness may bring some clarity to this time, its events and choices.

Last evening as I began to think about blog time, I randomly opened Whyte’s Consolations to his essay, Denial. Hmm. His thoughtful framing led me to read the essay that followed, Despair. This morning as I read them again, I felt a familiarity with both, a recognition that in my mostly positive, upbeat dance with life, I deny both denial and despair their rightful and necessary places on the dance floor.

Fearing despair may take up long term residence, I unconsciously avoid allowing despair in for a visit, a turn on the dance floor in a dance that might just hold a clue to the soul’s quest.

As so Whyte often does whether I’m musing to write or simply musing to muse, these essays opened me to a deeper place, one that I’ve been unconsciously dancing around rather than consciously choosing to dance with.

With this awareness and Whyte’s wise words I can pivot, allowing myself to dance paying ‘profound and courageous attention’ to body, to breath, and to the deepest desires of heart and soul. Laying aside thoughts and old stories, I can call forth compassion and give despair its rightful voice and season. If, like me, you find yourself in denial of despair, consider inviting her in to discover just what wisdom she may have to offer.  

There is hope after despair and many suns after darkness. Rumi

Sunset

Now What?

A Moment of Peace & Beauty in the Flow of Life

In the course of history, there comes a time when humanity is called to shift to a new level of consciousness, to reach a higher moral ground. A time when we have to shed our fear and give hope to each other. That time is now.  Wangari Maathai

Life cannot be captured in a few axioms. And that is just what I keep trying to do. But it won't work, for life is full of endless nuances and cannot be captured in just a few formulae. Etty Hillesum

Today’s quotes crossed my feed from different sources this week, each one aligned and active co-creating a world that’s different from the one we are currently experiencing. They come from women of different generations, times, and places that were challenging as is the time we are in. If you aren’t familiar with them, here’s a bit about each.

Wangarĩ Maathai (1940-2011) was a Kenyan social, environmental, and political activist who founded the Green Belt Movement, an environmental non-governmental organization focused on the planting of trees, environmental conservation, and women's rights. In 2004 she became the first African woman to win the Nobel Peace Prize. (Wikipedia)

Esther Hillesum (15 January 1914 – 30 November 1943) was a Dutch Jewish author of confessional letters and diaries which describe both her religious awakening and the persecutions of Jewish people in Amsterdam during the German occupation. In 1943, she was deported and murdered in the Auschwitz concentration camp. (Wikipedia)

Their words have remained alive in my awareness in the wake of last week’s election here in the (not so) United States as I have danced with my deeply felt reactions and responses and observed the reactions and responses of others, and as I consider the question: what is mine to do in this time?

I reminded myself of what I wrote in last week’s post hours before the polls closed: …‘no matter what’ the outcome of today’s votes my job is to breathe, to be present, to be clear and grounded, to trust. For indeed while the stakes of this election seem monumental (and, I believe, that they are), there is something greater at play in our world. I trust that the hand of the divine is present, no matter the outcome.’ No matter what, we must end our reactivity to the world, to others, indeed even our reactivity to ourselves. Reactivity separates us from one another, from ourselves, and from Source. No matter what envision a future where we move beyond the reactivity of fear into the mindful choice of calm abiding peace, compassion, and love.

Personally, I’m challenged to maintain that level of peace and consciousness moment to moment, not just as I minimally follow the unfolding news, but in my interactions with others. I’ve found myself triggered by so-called ‘little things’ which I’m (mostly) choosing to see as opportunities to look deeper, to what real fear or concern may be hidden. I’m asking, ‘what wants to surface from the depths of being to heal and release?’ Then I look to how those fit into the larger picture of our world and the even grander realm of the cosmos. For me, this kind of reflection is helpful as it brings me back to my belief that there is something greater at play in our world.

It would be oh so convenient to find a few axioms to explain our politics and our world today so that, with sense made of it, we could ‘get on with life’ or, as we said in Covid days, ‘back to normal’. But that is not the nature of this time, of our world, of our individual and collective selves, or of our evolutionary path. Our world has become increasingly complex in our systems of control, domination, and separation. Our individual selves are asked to choose sides and perpetuate the false divide that we are separate from one another, from our planet home, and from the cosmos. Social media makes it easy to make our choices known in ways that further illusion that we are separate. We/I forget that everything is energy.

None of us are immune. My angst and momentary judgement when I see a post about the ‘fools’, ‘idiots’, or worse is its own form of othering, of separation. Yet, beyond my own moments of separation, my heart seeks to understand so that I can maintain and be grounded in the consciousness that knows we are One, and that I choose to act from that place.

Just as there are no few axioms to ‘capture life’ and give us this understanding, there is no one way, one formula, one path to shift our consciousness. The beauty is that there are many paths that hold the potential to lead us to Oneness. The challenge for each of us is to find our path and follow it, step by step, day by day, course correcting and forgiving ourselves and others all along the way. Simple. Not easy. Back to the essence, to the core of our Being as we grapple with the very real fears, concerns, injustices, and suffering in our world.

In building a new story, I/we must hold both: the horrors and fears being experienced by so many AND the potent possibility, indeed opportunity, to create a new world.

This is the place from which we can co-create and build a new story for ourselves and the greater whole of which we are a part. I deeply believe that we are witnessing the last desperate gasps of a culture of domination and that a new and ancient culture of community, cooperation, justice, and sovereignty is rising around the globe. It’s been said often that it is always darkest before the dawn. Let us put our attention on bringing that dawn to the full light of day rather than exhausting our energy in maintaining the fear and separation of the dark. Let us hospice that which does not serve and support all Life and give birth to that more beautiful world our hearts know is possible. Let us sing that new story into Being with the gifted Jenny Bird (click here for We Need a New Story).

Take care of yourselves and one another!

Padasambava Stupa Down the Road

No Matter What ...

Padmasambava Stupa - A Place of Peace - No Matter What

It’s a radical act to stop. Thich Nhat Hanh

The clouds come and they go. … We need to practice to be aligned with these times. … Nurture that which is constructive not destructive. … We practice to release the reactivity that results in more polarization. Cynthia Jurs (pre-election meditation practice)

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
There is a field. I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
The world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
Doesn't make any sense. Rumi

We, the people,
The ancestors of our great, great grandchildren
Call forth the deepest wisdom
And the highest compassion
From the heart and soul of America
For the benefit of the entire Earth community
And the next seven generations
May Wisdom Prevail in the USA
May Peace Prevail on Earth. (Wise USA)

Election day has arrived here in the U.S., and I felt guided to pivot to a Tuesday post before election results begin to roll in rather than wait until tomorrow/Wednesday when results are known whether final or not. No matter what, I pray that today and the days ahead be peaceful, individually and collectively and that no matter who wins we begin to repair the fabric of our ideals and values torn asunder by a crumbling system that has seemed to thrive on polarization. Costly polarization to each and every one of us.

As election day neared, I have been present to the deep wisdom being called forth, not by the conflict profiteers of mainstream media, but by the vast networks of communities engaged in the deep work of raising consciousness. I have been uplifted and inspired by their words and invitations to participate in conversations, meditations, and sharing. They remind me that the peace I desire in our country and around the globe begins right here with me, for without peace within, there can be no peace beyond.

Wisdom from many traditions, many avenues both spiritual and political. Wise words to calm and center our over-anxious selves at a time of change, dissolution, and uncertainty. This is what I seek out just a few hours away from polls beginning to close on the Eastern seaboard of the US this election day 2024.

These are the voices that remind me that ‘no matter what’ the outcome of today’s votes my job is to breathe, to be present, to be clear and grounded, to trust. For indeed while the stakes of this election seem monumental (and, I believe, that they are), there is something greater at play in our world. I trust that the hand of the divine is present, no matter the outcome.’

No matter what, we must end our reactivity to the world, to others, indeed even our reactivity to ourselves. Reactivity separates us from one another, from ourselves, and from Source. No matter what envision a future where we move beyond the reactivity of fear into the mindful choice of calm abiding peace, compassion, and love.

‘No matter what.’ These three words have resonated deep within me over this past week in the wake of an experience which led me to write a lengthy ‘no matter what’ letter to a family member to communicate the love I felt for them, no matter what they had done. As events unfolded over several days, I was present to maintaining a sense of calm despite moments of worry. I felt the power of being at choice rather than falling into the trap of reactivity lurking in such situations.

The depth of love and compassion I felt writing presenced the power of these three simple words, ‘no matter what’ as an opening to less reactivity and more mindful, thoughtful response. I realized that no matter what the outcome of this election is, we need that mindfulness, that thoughtfulness, that compassion and care more than ever in this evolutionary moment of choice. No matter what, we are invited to make our way into Rumi’s field beyond right and wrong, the field where peace abides, and a new world is waiting to be born.

No matter what, let us join together to co-create that field and to romp joyfully in the Oneness that is.

Labyrinth in the Woods Out Back

The Eagle & The Raven - Magic in My Midst

Nature and the Flow of Life …

May we listen to everything the earth teaches us and trust it to lead us onward in our efforts of expression and growth. Jacqueline Suskin (A Year In Practice: Seasonal Rituals and Prompts to Awaken Cycles of Creative Expression)

We must tune in to our ability to see beyond the physical reality that surrounds us, and awaken to the vast unseen world that exists. Then we can begin to see beyond sight and to hear beyond sound. We see the underlying structures that support our world, and life begins to take on new shape, new meaning. When we live as multisensory beings. Sherri Mitchell

May we listen to our Mother, the Mother we share, Mother Earth and all of her wisdom.

Yesterday on the road to one of the larger towns nearby, a friend and I witnessed a sight that neither of us had seen before: an eagle and a raven perched side by side on a powerline post. It felt magical, a metaphor for what is possible. Illumination of the deeper truths of our being. Healing wounds of past and present divisions. Creation and the magic of a new world coming to light. What, we wondered, might those two majestic beings be chatting about?

The question is especially poignant for me, as I’ve been intentional in my curiosity, focus, and desire to align more deeply with Gaia. I’ve been particularly offering my attention to the land that I’m blessed to occupy and to the abundant life all around these woods. I’ve asked and reflected on questions aiming toward aligning more fully with Nature. To learn what Nature offers to teach me as I relearn what we in this culture have lost: the deep knowledge and wisdom of our connection to Mother Earth. The wisdom of the ancients carried forth in indigenous traditions who still hold this knowledge today. The wisdom of the plants, the animals, the soil, and the life that lives beneath the ground on which we walk.

The ways of Nature are our ways. We are not separate from the birds, the bees, the trees, the grasses, the soil and the unseen life below. Although different in form, we are the same in essence. Each and all part of a greater whole: Mother Earth, our planet home.

As I listen more deeply and intentionally, I’m discovering that aligning with Nature encompasses all the choices that I make in life. The choices extend beyond choosing what I eat and my sources for food and other consumables. I’m taken to the very core of my being physically, emotionally, and spiritually and the choices that I make in caring for and tending to each.

I’m becoming aware that as the earth changes – for indeed Gaia is changing, adapting to conditions created by we humans and to the energy streams in and movement through the galaxy – my physical body must adapt and change.

This new awareness is dawning in me as I experience physical changes and symptoms that are different to me. They seem more than what we’ve come to call the ‘normal process of aging’.  As I listen, I sense that, at least in part, this physical vessel is adapting to and with a changing, adapting planet.

I’m listening with the intention of ‘hearing’ the earth’s teaching through all my senses and beyond them. As I ‘hear’ more clearly, I’m building trust in Mother Earth’s guidance to ‘lead me onward’ in deeper connection with her essence, her knowing, into the Truth of who I am.

In the choices we make each day, may we listen to our Mother, the Mother we share, Mother Earth and all her wisdom. May we adjust and adapt ever gently to align with her more fully, and indeed, more peacefully. May I.

Snow on the Peaks … Winter is on its way!

Co-Evolving with Mother Earth

Over a few years, I became aware that I felt as though these seeds were nourishing me and the food, I was growing was nourishing me differently than the food in the supermarket. … I became aware that the story of the plant … somehow went through me on a cellular level and began to affect who I was. Over the years that has become a key part of my understanding of the value of our heritage seeds … The seeds have taken me on this journey … They have the ability to connect with the life and the soil and the sky … Mother Earth. They have the ability to connect and communicate with the Life and the world around us. And then, they have the ability, if we have a healthy gut, to pass that information on to us. So, we are back in the process of co-evolution. And that process is what reconnects us to ourselves, to the Earth, to who we are; and it gives us a place to stand. So I’ve come to understand that heritage seeds are the only seeds capable of building life on earth and holding everything connected. Kay Baxter, The Koanga Institute

Read that again. Even better listen to the story of Baxter’s 40-year journey with heritage seeds in New Zealand. (you can see it here).

This week is a bit of a pivot for me and The Pivot. I find myself in my own personal process of evolving amidst the chaos of our world and Mother Earth’s evolution, a journey that is inviting me to deep rest for body, mind, and spirit. It’s this trio that collaborate each week to create a musing to share. Today the body says, “please rest”, so I simply wanted to share this element of my journey of exploration. It inspires my interest in local food and its importance even more deeply and has me curious about the seed sources of my favorite farmers and gardeners here in the San Luis Valley.

I share hints of Kay Baxter’s experience of becoming aware, noticing subtle differences between the organic kale in our local natural foods grocery and that from a friend’s local garden or a beloved regenerative farmer nearby. That awareness and the information offered are nourishment for my evolutionary journey and the choices I’m making along the way on a journey to align more deeply with Gaia, our planet home.

Harmony in a Disharmonious World

From the Valley to the Mountains

The bridge from disharmony/fear/worry to harmony and love is trust.

These words landed on the page of my journal yesterday morning as I was reflecting on a reckoning of sorts that I was presented with over the last several days.

I was experiencing disharmony in body, mind, and spirit, recognizing that heart and mind and body were in conflict with one another. Body was making a statement that attention was needed. Not unlike our precious planet and her ever more intense calls for attention and change, I thought. Mind was confused. Heart needed to be heard.

It was an invitation to look at judgements that I’d held and choices I’d made that had served me well in the past. And that might not be serving me now. It was an invitation to harmonize within – body, mind, and spirit. A call from the heart to ask for its wisdom and to set aside choices of the past that no longer serve. I sensed that my experience isn’t unlike the dissolution of so much in our world as we discover choices of the past that no longer serve, individually and collectively. Indeed, I seemed to be a disharmonious fractal in a fractured world mirroring that world. Not the fractal I want to be.

The world’s disharmony it seemed was pointing to my personal disharmony. I saw clearly that when I’m not in harmony I worry. Fear travels with me, and is not a travel companion I want to embrace. In harmony, love is present accompanied by ease, a fractal in a more harmonious world.

I thought about fears in my past, like worrying over not having ‘enough’ money and how over time my disharmony around that was harmonized.  I noticed that the bridge, sometimes a long, winding road with scary curves, was trust. Moving through my fear was grounded in trust. The more I trusted, the stronger my trust grew. Trust in myself. Trust in a loving Universe. Coming more and more to know that the Source of all my good is far beyond the world and its systems.

In remembering that experience I was shown the bridge to shift out of fear, judgements, and stories about the issue at hand and guided to  trust. To cross the bridge from disharmony to harmony, however long and winding that road might be and whatever curves are thrown my way. To trust that I will be shown the path.

May we each find our way to our own bridges to harmony. And may our world be in harmony as we do so.

Yak - At Home on the Range

Why? A Deep Dive

Why? What Is My Deepest Motivation?

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. Friedrich Nietzsche

One early morning as I was journalling, reflecting on a desire to participate in local food and regenerative agriculture initiatives, I became present to a bit of tension, a niggle. Something was ‘off’, not quite aligned. ‘Something’ wanted my attention.

Curious to discover what the tension was about I yielded into the query. What did I need to attend to? What adjustments might I be invited to consider? When no quick direction came as I continued to write, I turned to a nearby divination deck, Colette Baron-Reid’s Wisdom of the Oracle. Might a card offer up a resonate message to prompt my inquiry?

A clear question formed as I shuffled the beautiful deck: What do I need to know about my interest and desire to participate in local food initiatives? I asked before drawing a card.

Although reversed, the card I pulled was easy to read. It simply said ‘Why?’ The question resonated, and the source of my niggle became clear. Am I aware of all that motivates me to participate? Then I read the Oracle’s message for the upside-down card:

Sometimes subconsciously denying the truth may drive you toward a specific outcome that actually aligns with an intention hidden from your awareness. … Now is the time for deep soul-searching of the “why” that drives your choices. What you uncover will set you free and bring you ever closer to the happiness you seek.

As deep sigh emerged, curiosity replaced the earlier tension. I didn’t have ‘the’ answer (or even ‘an answer’). Rather I was shown a clear arrow pointing to a path inviting exploration, an exploration that at once I recognized I needed to attend to. The source of my tension wasn’t ‘out there’ in another person, project, etc. It was right here at home. IN me.

And so, my self-inquiry began. What personal motivations might be lurking underneath my interest in everyone in our community having access to nutritious locally produced food, in caring for our farmers and food producers, and in regenerating the soil in kindness to Mother Earth? Could unconscious reasons or hidden expectations offer up a repeat of uncomfortable, unsatisfying engagements I’ve experienced in the past?

I’m not rushing to discover answers. I’m observing in new ways. Questioning self and tempering my tendency to rush to conclusions. Coyote has been active and visible, visiting just this morning to munch pinon nuts under a pine. What hidden wisdom does she bring? What folly might I need to be aware of?

My soul-searching inquiry continues with a knowing that I want to participate only with full awareness of my deepest Whys and that each aligns fully with my heart and the deepening of my knowing the truth of Oneness. As I journey, I think of James O’Dea and his poignant Soul Awakening Prayer:

Soul Awakening

Heart Opening

Light Shining

Love Flowing

Wounds Dissolving

Peace Radiating

May that higher calling guide me in this inquiry and the choices that follow.

Coyote’s Morning Visit — Wisdom? Folly?

Intention & Living In Harmony

Autum’s Grasses, Evergreens, and Ziggurat

We either live with intention or exist by default. … It's not only moving that creates new starting points. Sometimes all it takes is a subtle shift in perspective, an opening of the mind, an intentional pause and reset, or a new route to start to see new options and new possibilities. Kristen Armstrong

This new moon day I’m declaring my intention to live in harmony. In harmony with myself. In harmony with others. In harmony with Gaia and all Her beings. In particular I’m focused on the power of our intentions, individually for ourselves and collectively for all, and on the rhythms of Nature. I’m revisiting each of my intentions with the overarching question: Is this intention aligned with valuing ALL Life?

With today’s new moon and solar eclipse arriving just a short 10 days after the equinox (autumnal here in the northern hemisphere, spring in the southern) the seasonal changes to cool, crisp mornings and splashes of brilliant colors on the mountains finds deep resonance in my body and spirit.

In many traditions the new moon is honored as a time to set new intentions and to revisit, revise and reaffirm or release those created on new moons past. The new moon is a time for seeding, and today’s new moon feels especially auspicious in this regard.

Stepping out before dawn this morning and gazing upward to the vastness above, I felt the clarity and connection of the cosmos, a deep knowing that I, we, ALL are from that same stardust. We are all different; we are all the same.

I feel that internal knowing more and more frequently these days. As I walk in Nature’s bounty and beauty, I observe what seems to be the ease with which She changes, a clear reflection of our ever-changing evolution. Buds to blooms to fruit to seed. A tiny green sprout to tall waves of verdant grasses and grains to fall waves of golden browns. Daylight shortens as the sun moves south only to pause and return, beginning yet another new cycle. Humming birds depart and nutcrackers arrive to enjoy the bounty of pine nuts.

I weave my observations of her seeming ease and flow as potential into my intentions for who I am becoming, indeed, who we are becoming. For surely change is afoot in our world and with it our potential to sprout the unique seed that lies within and to align ourselves with the nature of Nature.

At the same time, I recognize the challenges Nature faces – some a simple part of her natural eco-system, others imposed upon her by our human foibles of living in separation and our quest to control. She faces untold challenges and intrusions on the path, just as we humans do. Nature though seems to go with the flow, with her own ways and rhythms of response. We humans attempt to control it all to conform to our comforts, our profits, and our ways. Perhaps Nature has a more advanced view of what harmony truly is.

In the wake of the havoc and destruction of fires, floods, drought, storms, quakes, and volcanic eruptions, Nature seems to be inviting us to pivot, to shift our perspective, to reset our individual and collective eco-systems to align with our planet home.

As I revisit my intentions this day, I wonder, can we calm Gaia by calming ourselves and by moving away from our addiction to control and war as we move toward understanding and love and the Oneness that IS our true Nature? That, it seems to me, is the essence of harmony.

Seeds Ready to Fall

Pausing for Integration & Rest

Sticks, Stones, and Pricklies

REST is the conversation between what we love to do and how we love to be. … To rest is to give up on the already exhausted will as the prime motivator of endeavour, with its endless outward need to reward itself through established goals. To rest is to give up on worrying and fretting, and the sense that there is something wrong with the world unless we are there to put it right; to rest is to fall back, literally or figuratively, from outer targets and shift the goal not to an inner, static bull’s eye, an imagined state of perfect stillness, but to an inner state of natural exchange. (David Whyte – Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words)

This blog morning I find myself saturated like a dripping sponge. I don’t want to wring the excess out of myself, rather I want to be with all the new that has come with this week of high activity and interaction. I feel the need to pause for the kind of rest that allows integration of the abundance of new ideas, new information, new opportunities, new possibilities that have emerged and are emerging in my world.

And so today, I yield the open and lovely white page on my writing desk to nourishment from David Whyte’s words that guided me into deep sleep last evening.

What to Remember When Waking

In that first

hardly noticed

moment

in which you wake,

coming back

to this life

from the other,

more secret,

moveable

and frighteningly

honest

world

where everything

began,

there is a small

opening

into the day

that closes

the moment

you begin

your plans.

What you can plan

is too small

for you to live.

What you can live

wholeheartedly

will make plans

enough for the vitality

hidden in your sleep.

To become human

is to become visible

while carrying

what is hidden

as a gift to others.

To remember

the other world

in this world

is to live in your

true inheritance.

You are not

a troubled guest

on this earth,

you are not an accident

amidst other accidents,

you were invited

from another and greater

night than the one

from which

you have just emerged.

Now, looking through

the slanting light

of the morning window

toward the mountain presence

of everything that can be,

what urgency

calls you

to your one love?

What shape

waits in the seed of you

to grow and spread

its branches

against a future sky?

Is it waiting

in the fertile sea?

In the trees

beyond the house?

In the life

you can imagine

for yourself?

In the open

and lovely

white page

on the writing desk?

Calm Flow on the Rio Grande - Del Norte, Colorado

Pain: A Way In

I wonder how the pine cone feels when it opens to let its seeds fall on fertile ground …

Pain is a doorway to the here and now. Physical or emotional pain is an ultimate form of ground, saying to each of us, in effect, there is no other place than this place, no other body than this body, no other limb or joint or pang or sharpness or heartbreak but this searing presence. Pain asks us to heal by focusing not only on the place the pain is felt but also the actual way the pain is felt. Pain is a form of alertness and particularity; pain is a way in. David White, Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words

A thread woven into my life in the week past is rest, deep rest. I’ve been both resting deeply and observing what arises from such rest, and I thought it would be the focus of today’s post, so I turned to David Whyte’s Consolations, remembering an essay on the topic. On the way, pain intervened.

Not felt physical or immediate emotional pain, but in Whyte’s essay, I discovered a gift that stirred the depths of another thread weaving in my life recently: health, more specifically my fear of ill-health. The stirring invited me in to shine a light on a recent health event and my reactions to it.

In shining the light, I discovered that my fear of ill-health is but a veneer for deeper fears lurking within. Weeds in need of plucking after being exposed in the light of new awareness. Weeds that upon being plucked open the potential for a transformational pivot from fear to a higher frequency. The pain of fear opening a way in.

The soil holding those ‘weeds’ seems rich with nutrients desiring to serve a different crop. Underneath each deeper fear, the soil offers up an invitation to plant that new, higher frequency crop. Like the nuts, seeds that fall from an opening pine cone.

An invitation to surrender found within the envelope of fear around losing control to a system in which I have little trust. A reminder too that ‘control’ is itself an illusion.

An invitation to trust awaiting the light of discovery in the envelope of fear of needing help and that help not being there, coupled with a fear that I didn’t do enough of the ‘right’ things to maintain my health.

Shining a light on my ego-driven fear of humiliation offered up an invitation to deeper self-love and self-acceptance. And, an invitation to compassion in the envelope of judgment that sometimes surfaces around the choices of others when they experience ill-health.

Pain, a way in? Yes indeed! Pain, a way into shining light on fears lurking, fears that have no place for permanent residence in a life that aims to live into the truth of Oneness and conscious co-creation with Source. And yet fears that when I allow them to visit, hold gifts, invitations to pivot into the very life I desire for myself and for all.

On my altar are three stones naming qualities that I aim to create in my life. They are my friends, ones I invite to take up permanent residence: Serenity, Harmony, Curiosity. This day it seems that my friend Curiosity has opened pain as an exploration on the path to establishing that permanent residency for the others: Serenity and Harmony. Paving the way with invitations to surrender, to trust, to acceptance and self-love, and to compassion. Perhaps a walk on the yellow brick road is at hand!

Friends on the altar …