A Dollop of Courage

"Courage comes from experiencing inborn fears." - Gregge Tiffen

I danced with a fear this week. It wasn’t a very graceful dance until the experience neared its completion and I was able to breathe in a breath of understanding and gratitude.

The dance began with an observation about Luke. He wasn’t his normal playful, snuggly, loving self for a few days and I began to ‘worry’ about what I should ‘do’ about this ‘problem’.

Over those few days I hovered over him as we went about our normal routines. I gave him some extra care and, along the way, began to think and worry that he was detaching. That’s when the fear kicked in with a force I could name: I was afraid of losing Luke.

I hurt deeply. The memory of another pet loss four years ago when Ellie, another precious dog that I cared for part-time, was hit by a car and killed showed up front and center. I trembled. I wept. I smothered a resistant Luke in love.

And, then I remembered.

I remembered that even dogs have days where they need their space and distance.

I remembered that consciousness has no idea of this thing we call death, even though the body’s journey is a finite one.

I remembered that all I experience in life benefits my learning – the learning that lives on in consciousness after the body is done.

I remembered that every experience of the deep and the dark holds the potential for light to follow.

That’s when I could smile, look back with a dab of understanding, and be grateful that, perhaps, I’d added a dollop of courage to my consciousness. Now, with loving, playful Luke curled up at my feet, I think that one dollop may be two.

Perhaps the fear was only at the surface and deeper reflection or another experience will reveal something more. That will come if and when I need it for my growth. Then I can call upon those dollops of courage to support me as I engage in the dance once more.

In the past I’ve been hesitant to call fear by its name. I needed to be ‘brave’. I avoided the dance. Now that I see fear as essential for developing courage, the tempo of the dance picks up and I’ll keep my dancing shoes nearby. Satisfied! And, Grateful!

Transition Zones

"We are constantly in a situation of applying the condition of re-adjustment." - Gregge Tiffen

As day breaks this morning, we’re in the path of two colliding weather systems – a winter storm moving in from the north and west, the remnants of a hurricane from the east. The beautiful vistas I often share are hidden in the clouds. These two systems won’t compete. They will simply meet and create our weather for the next couple days. At the moment it’s a gentle rain. The showers could continue, or they could become snow or flash flooding.

It’s a transition time, that time when it can be frosty one morning and 50 degrees the next. It’s a time for completing the harvest on the one hand, preparing for winter on the other. Re-adjustment. We’ve brought in all but the hardiest root veggies and a few winter squash. I’m curious whether the green tomatoes will ripen slowly enough to last until Thanksgiving as they did last year.

Preparing for winter in the mountains means procuring and stacking wood, shifting the summer fire ‘go bags’ (those things that I’d need to survive and those things I treasure in the event of an evacuation due to fire) to the winter ‘emergency travel bag’ (what I need to survive in an emergency on the road), and making sure that I have food and water on hand for at least a couple weeks in the event of a major storm. It also means moving clothes around in the closet – putting away the short sleeves and pulling out the turtlenecks, sweaters and scarves for soon those 50 degree mornings will be just a memory and the frost will be a deep freeze. Re-adjustment continued.

And, after a busy active summer – buying and improving a home along with opening a B&B, I notice an internal transition as well. I feel a pull to draw inward, not to hibernate but to slow down, to assess my ‘year to date’, and, in this time between the full moon lunar eclipse this week and the solar eclipse that will come with the new moon in a couple weeks, to look ahead to what experiences I want to create in the winter months ahead. Re-adjusting from the inside out.

That’s the invitation that the change of seasons (any change really!) brings. So as you don the winter clothes and put away your summer duds (or the reverse, if you happen to be in the southern hemisphere), give yourself the time and attention to invite your soul to join the party. 

What is its longing as light of days shortens and the darkness makes its presence more known?

Create New Stories We Must

"You must unlearn what you have learned." - Yoda

I can imagine Yoda observing our world today and advising us from his deep wisdom to create new stories. You see, our stories come from our thoughts and our beliefs. And, they seem to have a way, consciously or not, of strengthening our beliefs, even those that don’t serve us.

Then, we wake up to find ourselves mired in difficult challenges, worry, or fear and looking outside for the cause. But when we have the courage to look within, we create an opportunity to find the real cause and, if we choose, to shift it.

At this time last year, shortly after I started these weekly posts, in the midst of an unplanned move, I discovered that my phone and internet provider could not provide service to my new location. That situation and how I chose to navigate it deepened my conviction of just how powerful my thoughts are. I have a clearer understanding that the Universe is designed to follow our thoughts and put them into form. I’m unlearning what I have learned and, with my new learning, a new story (okay, a new life) is emerging.

And so it can be, it must be, for all of us – individually and collectively. If you can’t yet feel it in you, then look around to see the call for new stories: 400,000 marching to create a new story for our environment; hundreds of events worldwide calling for non-violent approaches to our differing points of view; and the Findhorn Foundation’s New Story Summit beginning this weekend (you can follow it on Facebook or at http://newstoryhub.com/).

In my work with clients as in my own life, creating awareness of the story is a starting point for making change. Earlier this week I asked a client “what might it be like to take on loving your role as manager?” She’d come to coaching to get clarity about whether she wanted to continue to serve in management. In our coaching, we explored the stories she’d told about herself and about managing. In response to my challenge, she quickly declared “I’m blessed to use my skill and talent and be grateful for it. I can focus on that … and remember the love. It’s so simple.”

Simple, yes, but unlearning what we have learned and reinforcing our new learning daily in our thoughts, language, and our actions is a process that requires diligence, practice, and (one more thing) “PATIENCE YOU MUST HAVE my young padawan.”

Challenge for the Week: Notice a story that you tell in many ways to yourself and to others. What have you created with that story? Is it what you want? What new story can begin to take its place?

Friendship: A Path to Peace

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." - Anais Nin

I love how Spirit (Life, the Universe, God or any name you wish to give the flow of energy moment to moment) works.   Ask. Expect. Receive. Simple, and not always easy.

Early this morning as I woke and picked up my journal, curious to discover what the focus of today’s post would be, I felt a pull between two seemingly opposite ideas: friendship and the violence occurring here in the US and abroad.

Although much of my week has been about friendship, I felt a deep need to speak to the violence that is front and center in the news. My heart said that I couldn’t ignore it. And, so I began to write about its roots, that through the ages we humans have built systems – governments and industries – that have fear at their core. The massive weapons industry relies on fear grounded in beliefs that one can destroy another who doesn’t have the force to strike first or defend. We fear death because we’ve lost our awareness that life is more than the body that our consciousness inhabits.

Where fear dwells there is little room for love. As I observe current events and the continued militarization of local law enforcement, I stretch my capacity to love and feel compassion for those who are so fearful that they believe taking another’s life will protect them. I seek to understand and feel love for those who hurt so much that they vilify others whose views do not match their own.

I imagine a world where peace and love prevail, and this morning’s quote, which landed in my ‘inbox’ compliments of HeartMath, brought me to see the connection that friendship is a path, a way to peace that violence can never create.

This week I am blessed with friends in abundance: visits from long-time friends [a 20+ year friendship that began at the first conference of coaches two years before the birth of the International Coach Federation], a shorter term friend [the amazing woman who fostered Cool Hand Luke out of the shelter and gave him the foundation for being the amazing canine companion that he is], and new friends with whom I have the honor of sharing the peace of Dragonfly House as they come to Crestone to study with their teachers.

These are easy friendships compared the relationships that are needed to forge peace. In my idealist heart and mind I see the beautiful possibility of befriending someone who is afraid. Of sending them love and compassion despite our different views of the world. I know that it will require ever more mindful choices of the words I speak and the choices that I make moment to moment, day to day, and beyond. May I be up to the challenge to contribute to peace in this way. What about you?

In the end I wasn’t required to choose between the two topics, but rather was gifted with a bridge that connected the two. Perhaps one path to peace is to be curious, open and seek bridges between seeming opposites and to allow what wants to emerge to present itself.

Reflections on Nature and Remodeling

"The mind within does the real seeing, the real interpreting of what the eyes look upon. The eyes can truly be called ‘the windows of the soul’." - Ernest Holmes

I always thought that the bible verse about the eyes being windows of the soul meant that when you look into another’s eyes you can see their soul. Until reading a selection from The Science of Mind that included the above quote, I’d never considered the idea that how I see the world, more particularly the events that I manifest into my life, is a reflection of my soul. Duh, of course it is. And, yet this BFO (blinding flash of the obvious) deepens my awareness that I am always at choice about how/what I see.

In the earthen dam that was washed out on Sunday in a deluge of rain and hail, I can see a huge problem that I inherited when I bought the property and that someone else is to blame. Or, I can see an opportunity to commune with my land and the surrounding land as well as with others who know more about drainage than I to create the best course of action. Do I choose fear and anger? Or, do I choose faith and love?

If I truly believe that every event in my life is there for me and my learning and if I am aware of that belief, then most likely I will choose faith and love. Then I’ll throw in a dash of curiosity: what’s possible now?

Perhaps I would more closely reflect how nature deals with challenges, including those brought to her courtesy of we humans. Remember the western wood peewee nesting outside my front door a few weeks back? Last weekend, just before starting construction of a new deck right below her nest, I thought she’d abandoned it and there were no babies. I climbed up to remove the nest and to my amazement there were two small furry gray beings pulsing. I climbed down and ‘momma bird’ soon arrived to warm her babes. A few days later, two beaks appeared and momma began to feed them. Yesterday they were more active as construction in and around them continued. This morning, the nest is empty, the babies fledged, out of the nest to make their way in the world.

Observing momma and her nestlings living above the chaos of construction noise, people coming and going and hollering back and forth all day for a week, made me present to how I’m navigating the remodeling projects in my new home. My eyes are seeing beauty unfold in the new tile, fresh paint and little touch ups that I’m choosing to do. And, for the most part, my being has danced with the unexpected oversights in planning (mine and the contractor’s) or his (and my) idiosyncrasies.

Luke too has simply observed as his quiet home became a beehive of activity.

Thus, I’m not only experiencing the pleasure of the fresh, new look in my home and the joy of preparing her to receive and nurture guests, I am filled with joy and personal satisfaction about the process. What could be better that that?

Reflection for the Week: How would your life shift, if you knew that everything holds the potential to serve your learning and growth?

Mitigation With Love

"There are lots of things, including changing the kind of inner dialog, that can mitigate anxiety." - Scott Stossel

Mitigation is on my mind this week as I commissioned an awesome crew to help me mitigate the property surrounding my new home. I took on this project with a healthy respect for the potential that exists here for wildfires and, more importantly, with love for the land and the trees. I wanted to give them new life, something that removing dead branches does for a tree. I want to be a good steward of this land.

As I began thinking about this week’s post, I wondered ‘just what does mitigation have to do with life’?

Mitigation is defined as ‘lessening the force or intensity of something unpleasant’; ‘the act of making a condition or consequence less severe’; and ‘the process of becoming milder, gentler, less severe’ (thank you dictionary.com).

Early this morning, I noticed that unlike the 48 weeks prior to this one, I felt tense about what to write. I tossed in a dash of ‘should’ (really Cindy, you should start thinking about this earlier). The trust I feel each week about the message revealing itself waivered. Breathe.

Then, as it always does, the message began to come clear: ‘mitigate the pressure on yourself’. Ahhhh, yes, that. First step: the morning walk. This morning the air is clean, crisp, and cool after thunderstorms dropped blessed rain. Breathe that in. Notice how happy the earth feels under my feet, soft with the new moisture. Smell the freshness. Be grateful. Give thanks. Nature has her ways of mitigating tension and pressure. When we allow her to she shows us the way.

Thoughts and ideas began to flow. The process of becoming ‘milder, gentler, or less severe’, personal mitigation starts within. At its best, love is the foundation.

Like the fire mitigation project I completed this week, thoughts anchored in love not fear make life flow with ease. In choosing loving thoughts, I’m better able to walk through life with grace. Love, patience, gratitude, compassion are just a few of the seeds I can use to mitigate from the inside out.

Unlike the fire mitigation project, personal mitigation is an ongoing process. It requires my presence and awareness to notice when dead branches show up as thoughts that don’t serve me. For only with that awareness can I make the choice to replace fear with love, impatience with patience, loathing with compassion, and ungratefulness with deep reverence and gratitude.

Reflection for the Week: Look deep inside to discover any thoughts that need to be mitigated. Insert love to replace each and every one.

Stepping Up To The Plate

Life is a game to be played, not a fight to be won. 

Swinging at curve balls is part of the fun.

If you’re willing, you learn a lot before you’re done.

I discovered a love of baseball when my stepson, James Michael, started playing Little League and wanted to go watch the Houston Astros. The game’s pace fits mine. Baseball is amazingly strategic. And, every player is required to step up to the plate to have a chance to score.

Life is like that. We step up to the plate in countless ways as we go through each day. Then, life throws us a curve ball and suddenly we’re aware. I’m at the plate. It’s the bottom of 9th inning and the outcome rests on my shoulders. Do I tense up, feel the burden, the responsibility of solving the problem at hand? So, often that’s our habit, developed with years of unconscious practice. Or, do I take a breath, see an opportunity to loosen up, adjust my approach and confidently swing away?

I had the chance to make such a choice this week as I rounded third base moving toward closing on the purchase of a home. Two curve balls back to back were pitched my way. I took a breath (several actually!), relaxed and stepped in to swing.

The first challenged me to quickly get a repair done, including negotiating with the seller who would pay. The second required me to explain (yet again) self-employment income in a way that corporate folks who receive a paycheck regularly could understand and accept that really I can make the payments.

I put aside the idea that ‘if I don’t do this right I’ll lose the home’ along with the stress of that story. I stepped into curiosity about what I might learn and discover in the process of being at bat. I got clear about how I would approach each, starting with my attitude. This was not a fight to be won, but a learning opportunity to be embraced.

That foundation served me well. I quickly found a talented construction guy who was available immediately (unusual here in the summer) and we were able to purchase the needed materials right here in town (a year ago, getting them required a 120 mile round trip drive or waiting a few days for a delivery). The repair was done within hours and, best of all, I discovered an inventive, economical approach to another project that I need to do on the house when the purchase is complete, and I added another competent resource to my network.

Explaining my finances deepened my confidence and conviction that buying this home is the right move for me on many levels.

In every curve life throws our way is opportunity and possibility. When we are willing to let go of the drama and look beyond the pitch and within ourselves to discover just what that can be, I trust that it will always be there.

Reflection for the Week:  How do you swing at life's curve balls?

Reclaiming Our Childlike Qualities

"I am convinced that most people do not grow up...We marry and dare to have children and call that growing up. I think what we do is mostly grow old. We carry accumulation of years in our bodies, and on our faces, but generally our real selves, the children inside, are innocent and shy as magnolias.” - Maya Angelou - Letter to My Daughter

"As willing adults, we are able to trust, be curious, be enthused, be pleased with ourselves, and be fully generous once again. We are able to know and feel and experience the peace, joy, and love creatively produced by Mother Nature as we live in harmony with her." - Gregge Tiffen – Mother Nature

I’m coming to believe that maturity or growing up is about reclaiming the qualities that were natural to me as a child. I trusted. I was curious and enthusiastic (at least at a very young age). I participated in each day allowing one thing to lead to the next, and the next. And, I gave freely without any expectation of return, whether it was my love or my toys.

Then I began to learn from parents, from teachers, seemingly from life itself that to trust, to be curious, generous and enthusiastic was not safe. These were sure pathways to being hurt. I learned too that the road to being ignored, lonely and considered by others as egotistical was paved with self-satisfaction. I learned that there are so-called requirements and responsibilities in life (there are, but they aren’t what I learned back then). What I was supposed to do and who I was supposed to be in the eyes of others took over.

I was on a path, as the quote from Maya Angelou suggests, to growing old. It wasn’t pretty. Yes, there were some very good times, personally and professionally. But, despite the façade of smiles and positive words, deep inside I knew I wasn’t the happy camper I was designed to be.

Today, as I live more quietly, slowly, in touch with nature and, therefore, myself, I feel those childhood qualities growing in me and with me again.

I’m curious – not about anything and everything, but about nature and the laws of the Universe. I’m enthusiastic about experimenting to discover what works (and what doesn’t).   I trust that things turn out how they turn out and that is perfectly perfect (even when I don’t like it). I trust myself and I absolutely know that I know how to survive AND how to thrive. I’m pleased with myself and how I’m living my life (and, if that’s egotistical, so be it). And, I’m discovering that to the extent that I can be generous with me, I can be generous with others.

In learning to live in harmony with myself, I am growing in my capacity to “know and feel and experience the peace, joy, and love” available equally to us all.  Imagine living life with the qualities these children in Turkey demonstrate in what may be the best commercial I've ever seen:  http://www.chonday.com/Videos/turkarilne2

Reflection For The Week:  In what areas of life do you experience the childlike qualities of trust, curiosity, enthusiasm, satisfaction and generosity? What would it look like to deepen and expand that experience?

Thoughts are The Seeds of Life

"With every thought, whether conscious or not, I create the quality of my life." - Cindy Reinhardt

We humans are such creative and powerful beings. Sometimes, we’re a bit silly too. Silly as in we have moments (hours, days, or longer) when we lose sight of just how powerful we are. Our thoughts are the foundation of that power.

When we forget, it seems as if we hand over our power to another person or an event. And, that they or it, not we, are creating the quality in our life. Who among us has not had the experience of thinking ‘if they (or it) would just change, I would be happy’? Those experiences have the possibility of waking us up and pointing to thoughts (conscious and not), beliefs, and stories that it may be time to shed.

I had just such an experience over the last week when at a tense moment in conversation some unconscious thought took over. I lost my awareness in the moment and with it my power to choose my path, to choose love over some (probably insignificant) fear. It wasn’t pretty.

These are the events in life that give me the opportunity to root out the weeds that pop up in the garden of my thoughts. I like to do so with care, rather than pulling and tossing blindly. Some weeds have hidden, unknown value. Upon reflection, they can be managed differently rather being destroyed. They can contribute to rather than detract from life’s quality.

My favorite weeding tools are contemplation, letting go, and forgiveness. Then, I nurture the garden of my remaining thoughts with gratitude, awareness, and practice.

As I walk through my own life’s events and, as a coach, have the privilege of hearing stories of the events in my client’s lives, I become ever more deeply present to just how powerful our thoughts are. With our thoughts we create joy. With our thoughts we create misery. We choose.

When we spill milk, we clean it up. We choose what tools to use and we choose whether to cry over the spill or to grow from it. With our thoughts we create the quality of our life from one moment to the next and beyond.

Experiment for the Week: Take time to notice your thoughts this week, especially in events that bring tension. What thoughts need weeding? What thoughts need TLC?

Gratitude is An Act of Self-Care

"Nowhere else will you find greater demand or greater satisfaction than that which the bloom of self caring can bring to the Garden of Life." - Gregge Tiffen

I’d not especially noticed the link between gratitude and self-care until earlier this week when I had the experience of feeling deeply grateful for the commitment I have to what Thomas Leonard, my first coaching mentor, called “extreme self-care”. It was a bright, sunshiny Sunday morning after an amazing early hike with Luke as I sat down to enjoy the tasty brunch I’d prepared. As I took a moment to be thankful for the food and all who had some role in putting it on my table, a feeling of deep gratitude for how I take care of myself swept through me. In that moment I realized that living in gratitude is, for me, an act of self-care.

Perhaps some of you will think “well, duh, of course …”, but for me it was an ah-ha moment. It took me back to when I first began to consciously practice gratitude over a decade ago. I started a practice of consciously breathing in love, breathing out gratitude. Several years later, I realized that love and gratitude lived in each and every breath I take.

This week I have a deep sense that this and other practices of gratitude are acts of self-care that make my life the joy that it is to live, one of many acts that keep me healthy, happy, and, hopefully, on purpose. My first and last thought and words each day are “Thank you” and I’ve come to feel those words in my heart. Meister Eckhart, the 13th century German theologian, philosopher and mystic, is quoted as saying "If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough." I’m experiencing the truth of Eckhart’s words as well as that in Gregge’s wise words above.

Living in gratitude, like self-care, is easy when life is flowing in the ways we want. As I celebrate the birth of my step-son’s daughter this week, I am grateful on many levels. I’m grateful for our relationship across the years and miles, for his happiness, his health and that of his growing family. And, I’m grateful for the internet which keeps us easily connected (not to mention the flow of baby photos since her birth!). It’s easy to be grateful.

But perhaps the ultimate self-care is to develop the capacity to be genuinely grateful in the midst of adversity. What kind of world might be created if we learned to be grateful to live amidst and navigate through life’s challenges with gratitude? Is gratitude a path to world peace?  And, aren't our children and our children's children worth whatever it takes?

Exploration for the Week: Notice your relationship to gratitude this week. What are you thankful for? What else might you be thankful for?