The Powerlessness of Control

The Deep Quiet of Winter Begins to Settle In

At some point it becomes necessary to realize that spiritual Power rests in giving up the issue of control as an attempt to control people outside yourself.  Gregge Tiffen (The Power of Giving Thanks – November, 2007)

On some level most of us know that controlling others doesn’t work. We’ve had experiences in close relationships, jobs, and organizations that show us this up close and personal. The violence, chaos, and crises in the world reflect attempts of one group or country to control another.  Our own culture of consumerism and competition, even politics, reflect attempts to control.

It wasn’t until I looked at an event in my own life this week through the lens of Gregge Tiffen’s quote above that I began to understand the high personal cost of my own efforts to control things outside of me.

This week I was reminded that trying to control others and situations involving others takes me away from being me and lands me square in a place of exhaustion – physically, mentally, and spiritually. In hindsight, I realized that allowing myself to skip the most important part of my day, my morning quiet time, set me on this particular path to stress.

In my quest to provide an awesome experience for my bed and breakfast guests this week, I forgot that others and situations are not mine to control.  An early morning plumbing problem in the shared guest bath, combined with a talkative guest in one room and a quiet guest in the other, found me trying to control the volume of conversation, which logs went on the fire, while I dealt with an overflowing toilet.

The plumbing problem fixed itself. Guests had their breakfast and happily moved on into their day. The clock read just shy of 10am. I was tired and found it difficult to focus my thoughts and energy on the day’s work that I wanted to accomplish. 

I slogged through that day and the next, still experiencing feeling tired and unfocused. A day later, in the quiet of my morning reflection time, I read Gregge’s words above. The dots were connected and I realized the source of the drain on my focus and energy.  I learned yet again the futility of trying to control others. And, I learned its cost:

Attempting to use your power to control others is exhausting.

This point of reflection leads me to wonder whether and how collective exhaustion in society contributes to creating the chaos we witness daily.  What might be possible in our world with just a bit more time and effort for quiet, personal reflection and the peace and personal power evoked from that awareness?

No Insignificant Thing

The nights are getting colder and slowly ice grows on Cottonwood Creek

Believe in the importance of everything you do.  Gregge Tiffen [The Journey Continues: The Legacy for Generations]

Many voices in our culture (most of them well-meaning, I assume) urge us to ‘be, do, and have’ more. “Do big things in the world” and “Make your life matter” we’re told. It’s as though we aren’t enough. 

I lived a lot of my life on that path, striving for goals I thought I should have and placing my security in the material world. Now though, I’ve come to understand life and living differently.  After years (decades?) of angst wondering if what I was up to met the standard of ‘big enough’ and not feeling as though my work in the world was meaningful (of course, I was comparing it others), I’ve come to a new understanding of what ‘important’ and ‘matters’ mean.

Being off of that treadmill is a breath of freedom and fresh air.  I see what I couldn’t see then: my worry was for naught. Nothing that I do is unimportant. And, that’s true for you too.  WooHoo!

In previous posts, I’ve written that every thought we think and every syllable we utter lives forever.  In a Universe that is energy, those thoughts and utterances matter. Whether I smile tenderly or snap impatiently in response to something in nature or Luke or another human being, it matters.  Whether I’m speaking passionately about what I care about, attending to business, or walking in the woods, it matters.

I am a part of and contributing to consciousness with every step I take.  The attitude that I engage from is more important than what I engage in. When I engage with that clarity, I’m at choice and aware of the worth in what I’m doing.

I’m not talking about drum-beating, banner-waving importance to satisfy the ego. Rather, this is the importance of self-satisfaction, self-belief, of discovery, learning and growth. It is a deepening knowing that we are each important parts of a greater whole. Yes, both YOU and me.  

It is recognizing that the opportunity to adopt a shelter dog five years ago and to engage in the journey of giving love and care and receiving unconditional love holds as much importance as other personal and professional accomplishments in life from step-parenting, marriage, and being a charter member of the ICF.  It is taking time to be patient with myself and a postal worker who had difficulty figuring out how to get my international, military package on its way. It is trusting that I’m always in the right place at the right time and not allowing the unexpected extra time required to complete a task  to be a waste or a burden.

Patiently waiting for Mom ...

Importance is not a quality that comes from comparison or competition. It emerges from honest self-assessment, self-acknowledgement, and practicing the belief that there are no small things. What important things have your attention today?

Life Flows

A beautiful, soft morning across the San Luis Valley to start my day.

We are part of a natural flow of experiences in which all that we are really doing is allowing ourselves to participate in the flow.  Gregge Tiffen in Deeds are Fruit, Words are Leaves (October, 2008)

Events, many unexpected, seem to show up right on time to benefit me in some way.  I’m learning to trust more deeply that natural flow.  Beneficial events aren’t just those that feel good or bring me pleasure. Especially when I look back, I can clearly see how challenging, unpleasant events brought growth.

I don’t always get to that perspective immediately. When I do, I’m able to meet the event with curiosity, gratitude, and (hopefully) a modicum of grace.  It’s humbling and gratifying to remember that I and I alone choose how to walk through life’s events.

And, so do you. Life flows and we choose how to participate. As I prepared to participate in a somatics course this week (graciously offered by two awesome colleagues and Newfield Network), I was reminded that life flows in all directions. To paraphrase master somatics teacher, Stuart Heller:

Life flows up and Life flows down. Life flows forward and Life flows back. Life flows in and Life flows out. Life flows right and Life flows left.

Stop for a moment and let that sink in.  Better yet, stand up and move in each direction: up, down, forward, back, in, out, left, right.

Life flows out. The course and the flow reminder were just in time for me to demonstrate the power of how we walk (and sit) through life’s events to a coaching client who was trying to figure out how to broach a sensitive topic with a team member. As we explored possibilities, I suggested that she shift how she was sitting. After shifting from sitting on the edge of her chair and leaning forward to occupying the whole seat, leaning back and opening her chest, she discovered a new range of language was possible to engage in the conversation.  

Life flows in. Recently I’ve received several surprise presents that made my heart smile.

Warning signs sometimes flow into life to wake us up.

Life flows down. An issue with my health presented the opportunity to explore the depth of my conviction about my body’s ability to, with proper support, heal itself.  As I scheduled acupuncture appointments, body work, drank my herbs, adjusted my eating habits, I realized a missing ingredient: bringing my belief and my intention consciously and clearly into the process.

Life flows up. So, I’m creating a new practice to engage all of me in the healing process.

Life flows back.  As the bed & breakfast high season winds down and winter is on the horizon, I found myself experiencing some angst about money and completing the ‘get ready for winter’ list of household tasks. I needed to gently guide my thoughts to a track other than worry.

Life flows forward. Within a couple days of putting my attention on remembering that ‘all my needs are met’, I received a phone call from a woman needed temporary housing. We created an agreement that meets both of our financial requirements. In addition, she’s helping with the winter chores (a good thing as temps are dropping and we could be graced with our first snow soon) AND caring for Luke and our home while I travel next week.

Life flows. Stop for a moment and look at the events in your life over the past week. What do you notice?  How do you feel?  How are you meeting life’s flow, especially when its direction may not be exactly what you thought it would be?

Winter's white blanket is edging our way.

The Gift of Resistance (Take 2)

Will there be snow on the peaks tomorrow?

"Challenge your resistance or resist your challenge."

"You become a part of your own excitement when you recognize that you living your life is you being revealed to you." 

Gregge Tiffen [The Great Pumpkin: Was Charlie Brown Right? – October, 2007]

As often happens I didn’t start this post with the idea of busting a meme, yet in a BFO (blinding flash of the obvious) during our morning walk, I saw that indeed I am challenging the conventional wisdom which says that ‘challenging resistance means doing what it is I/you are resisting’.  Au contraire.

Challenging resistance doesn’t necessarily mean doing something I’m having a reaction to, avoiding, or wanting to run away from.  Rather, it means recognizing my reaction as resistance. That requires being aware of and willing to name what I’m experiencing as resistance, followed by questioning to discover the source of that resistance and what gift it has to offer.

Resistance has crossed my path several in several experiences recently. First was the idea that when I declare that I ‘don’t know’ or don’t have access to the information that would guide me to know, I’m resisting. That’s an idea that I’m still working on.

Then, in a course that I signed up for mostly to earn credits toward renewing my coaching credential next year, although I was intrigued by and thought I ‘should’ (ugh!) do it,  I noticed I was reacting to being taught. ‘I already know this’. This doesn’t apply to me, because I’m (blah, blah, blah). Without an intention to learn, I quickly moved to what I might call arrogant boredom. I grumbled my way through the first two lessons, not taking time to be aware that I was resisting and to reflect on that awareness.

I also found myself reacting to a post from someone I follow on social media. As she pontificated on being beyond about how she’d grown and others who hadn’t (blah, blah, blah), I was turned off, tuned out, and I felt made wrong. More ugh! And with those ‘ughs’, I noticed opportunity to explore and reflect.

Enter reading the booklet that’s the source of this week’s quotes.  I paused, took a breath, named and owned my resistance. As I opened, I allowed the resistance to inform me and to guide me to choose again. In one situation, I’m in the process of shifting my resistance to curiosity and exploring how to incorporate the content on my terms. In the other, I’m simply letting go, declaring that there’s no right/wrong, good/bad, rather understanding that my beliefs are not aligned with the ideas being put forth.

Through recognizing and owning my resistance, I gained new insight into me and discovered the gift of challenging resistance: new knowledge; knowledge that is both useful in the moment and becomes wisdom to carry forward on my sojourn – in this life and beyond.

Yes!  Morning brings the season's first dusting on the peaks ... and

A cheerful bluebird that reminds me to smile!

Back to School/Back to Joy

Early Morning Orbs at the Ziggurat

If we are to live in joy and in accomplishment, we must release our cells from self-imposed restrictions so they can sense, interpret and move us with the changing times. We need to be ready to respond and to use our experiences to our advantage.  Gregge Tiffen (What You Should Get From Education - 2007

It’s ‘back to school’ week here in the Sangres. This morning’s quote provided me with the ‘back to school’ jolt I needed to recognize that I’d fallen into a pattern of rote response to daily events. No joy. No awareness of using those events to my advantage.

Fortunately ‘back to school’ didn’t require pre-school shopping and scurrying around (plenty of the later just tending to life). I simply needed to STOP, breathe, recognize and reset.  I stopped early yesterday, putting my head on the pillow before darkness fell.  I wasn’t aware just what that stopping would bring, and after a few deep breaths of gratitude, I was fast asleep.

It was only when I hit the books this morning for the spark of inspiration to kick off this week’s post that I took the time to recognize (and acknowledge) that I was slogging through events each day.  I was ‘getting things done’ and in the doing I was more focused on what needed to be done next than on the activity at hand.

I wasn’t miserable, but I definitely felt stressed. And, where there is stress, there is no joy and little, if any true accomplishment. Yes, tasks get done, but without the awareness needed for the experience to bring forth any wisdom. Unknowingly, I’d stepped back into some old ways, rotely responding to Luke’s needs, my garden’s call to ‘come harvest’, preparing meals, running my B&B, attending a county commissioner’s meeting, and a host of other ‘to dos’.  The quote above woke me up to that awareness with the recognition that I was moving through life with a sense of dread.

So this day (and probably several that follow) is dedicated to resetting and getting me back in tune.  I started on our morning walk, putting my attention on feeling the cool air, smelling the freshness, and hearing the quiet of early morning in this beautiful place.  I set aside the ‘to do’ list and stayed present, allowing the beauty of the day to envelope me. I returned home, interacted with a departing guest, cared for Luke and then took myself out on the deck with a nourishing bowl of fruit and cup of tea. 

I took some time to reflect on this process of ‘resetting’ and outlined what I wanted to commit to in this reset:

·        Take time as each task is complete to recognize the accomplishment.

·        Step into each task with joy and gratitude.

·        Keep my attention on the task at hand, not ‘what’s next’.

·        Take care of me – rest and nourishment when I need them (not when I have time for them).

I’m clear that the return to my old ways of moving through each day put me out of sync with the current patterns of the Universe and of me. Perhaps that’s true on such a broad scale that the world is in ever increasing chaos.  What if we each checked our settings regularly to ensure that we are in tune? What kind of world would we create if we simply took time to stop, breathe, recognize, and reset?

The Tree of Joy and Wisdom!

In League With The Angels

“In effect, negative levels of earth consciousness will contribute to defeating the positive levels of non-physical consciousness. In other words, when we have someone who is nasty or when we get depressed, we are in league with the devil. Gregge Tiffen (Do The Angels Take A Vacation? – August, 2007)”

The simple beauty of early morning's haze.

My coach recently shared the fun she had after a momentary panic when she discovered that her computer had been hacked. She was writing away in the wee hours of the morning when suddenly a message popped up to ‘call this number immediately for assistance’.  She called and after paying a fee for the assistance, realized that she’d been had. Rather than trekking the path most of us would likely choose (anger, fear, etc.), she played along, not letting on that she was onto their scam.  While she was getting her computer repaired by a legitimate techie, she took advantage of the 24/7 help that she’d paid for, and called the scammers with questions at all hours of the night.

When she shared this story, I could hear the lightness in voice and feel it in her spirit. Complete absence of feeling like a victim. Her response was much like I imagine the Dali Lama responds when things don’t go exactly as planned on this path.  It was good for a laugh and a reminder to, if you will, take the high road.  (I don’t know about you, but I need that reminder quite frequently.)

I confess: I’m not there consistently regarding current events in my life.  In the last few weeks as I’ve been immersed in concern for and care of Luke (summer allergies and a weakened system seem to have left him vulnerable to mites or some other canine biting critters); along with leading my community in opposition to a marijuana growing operation in our neighborhood and hosting guests in the B&B’s busiest month of the year, I’ve needed to be vigilant to maintain my positivity.

I don’t do so just for my own sake (although life does flow much more easily when I’m in that place), but also as a contribution to the well-being of our planet. I’ve come to understand that we are always contributing to the atmosphere.  I want contribute positively, especially at this time when positivity seems quite needed.

Stories remind me not to take myself and the events in my life too gravely.  Quiet time for reflection opens me to listen for the guidance ever present no matter what opportunities life presents. Being in nature demonstrates to me that being alive is a process and that change is constant. 

These in turn lead me back to my core conviction that my life (indeed all life) is unfolding perfectly for my (our) learning.  I’m reminded as well that, like my coach, I alone am at the helm, choosing how and where to use my energy each moment, each day.

When I choose with anger and fear, I choose to be the victim, in league with the devil’s negativity. When I choose with compassion, love, and grace I see challenges as opportunities to experiment, to create, to learn and grow. I may even get to express me in some new way.

The world would have us believe that only those who do ‘big’ things make a difference. Not so.  Moment to moment, step by step, choice to choice each of us is contributing to the atmosphere on our dear planet earth.  She needs us to make uplifting, positive choices. How will I contribute today? What about you?

Independence From the Inside Out

We have the freedom to flow as freely as this stream ...

The minute you become dependent on anyone in any way, you no longer have any power to move forward in your own pattern, in your own blueprint and on your own behalf. You come to a halt. Gregge Tiffen (Feeding Freedom: The Meaning of Independence Day July, 2007)

I believe that our founding fathers and the mothers who worked as diligently in support of independence understood independence in a way that is lost in our current culture. Today we live in a society and systems that rely on dependence and the control that dependence brings forth.  We are poorer in terms of our overall well-being and consciousness as a result.

Who among us has not felt a deep sense to make a particular decision or take a particular action, then held back from that choice?  My own list of not following the path that I knew inside was most true to me and my blueprint includes staying in jobs, keeping clients, maintaining relationships well beyond the time that they provided me the ability to express my unique self. 

From where I live now in life, I see the patterns of dependence: on money, on approval, on security, on being cared for (or so I rationalized), on what others think, even on having others depend on me.  You can probably enrich these with your own life experiences.  And, lest you think that I’ve become a saint, I still experience living independently as challenging.

Just as those who created the United States faced enormous challenges and threats in declaring independence, it takes courage to declare personal independence in today’s world. And, just as the United States has experienced many bumps along the road to living fully into our 1776 declaration, it takes courage – the strength of our convictions, if you will – to live into the largeness of the personal independence that is truly ours. That independence is the law of the Universe and we ignore it at our peril.

Courage is required to look honestly at how we live life and to recognize and be willing to name the web of dependence that we’ve created, individually and collectively.  And yet, perhaps only when we’ve done so may we be truly free.  Just as the signers of the Declaration of Independence articulated their grievances against the King, we too need to look to what we’ve allowed to impinge upon our personal, individual independence and freedom to think, make decisions, and act in the ways that are unique to each of us.

As you make choices this week, notice those that are true, authentic expressions of you. Celebrate yourself!  Notice as well those that are not and ask:  From what dependency would a declaration of my personal independence serve me?

... And, to fly joyfully through life. The choice is ours and ours alone.

Who In the World is Gregge Tiffen?

Gregge Tiffen was a powerful presence on the planet, much like the power of Spring's snow melt in local streams ...

Passion does not have ears for ‘cannot do’. Gregge Tiffen [Sex, Lies and Assumptions – June, 2010]*

Have you ever had the experience of reading something you haven’t read before, of having it seem both familiar and new and fresh, and of knowing that you already knew it, but you didn’t know that you knew?  If you’re spinning from just reading that sentence, then you have some idea of my experience over the last several months as I’ve read transcripts from lectures that Gregge Tiffen presented after his return from training in Tibet, many years before I met him.

Because I quote him often, I’ve been thinking for a while that it would be fun to share a bit about who Gregge was.  I’ll start with a description from the back cover of Earth and Second Earth, one of several books that comprise The Collected Works of Gregge Tiffen [available here: http://www.p-systemsinc.com/publications.htm]:

“Gregge Tiffen received intensive training in mysticism and mystical law over 60 years ago in the Far East. He returned to the United States in the late 1950’s to teach as he was taught. Before his death in September 2008, he was a well-respected business consultant, exceptional teacher, and personal counselor to people throughout the world.”

Despite the admonitions of friends and family that ‘You can’t …!’, Gregge left a military career with its focus on death and survival to pursue a passion for living. He realized that he needed to “die from the animal state of survival at all costs” to pursue what he truly wanted to do. And, that is what he did.  

While I take full responsibility for all the choices that I’ve made in life, the quality of those choices has been greatly enhanced since I met Gregge in early 1980, 35 years ago. 

At the time, I was in the midst of personal turmoil.  Marge, my mother and dear friend, died several months before, and I’d resigned from a demanding job for which I’d burned up any passion. I needed to rest, recover, and find some sense of self beyond my profession.  Therapy was somewhat supportive and I found reading metaphysical books helpful, but it was my Life Reading & BiCircadian (Gregge’s system for planetary influence) that woke me up to who I am and sparked my interest in how life works.

Consultations with Gregge helped me navigate life over these 35 years. I gathered interesting and helpful information attending workshops and lectures and listening to recordings.  Now, as I create the next phase/adventure in life, I’m passionate to more deeply understand and, more importantly, use what I’m learning, applying what is hopefully intelligence in ways that nurture new, innovative, sustainable measures of success. 

... and as gentle as day's first light.

As I follow this path of reading, reviewing, reflecting and experimenting, it’s likely that more of Gregge’s wisdom will be coming your way, so I wanted to share a bit about this inspiring man as context for what may come as ‘The Zone’ evolves.

Change

Do you see the elephant?

The Universe is going to act upon what you do no matter what it is. Gregge Tiffen (The Language of a Mystic – May, 2009)

I chuckled as I wrote the title of this post when I realized that only four letters are different from last week’s title (Choice).  Sometimes I notice little details like that and they bring me a smile. Simply fun, no meaning attached.  I’m aware this represents a change from my former ‘serious’ self.

Yesterday I received an email ‘request for proposal’ from someone searching an online database for a coach. The individual shared that she wanted “more great clients, more newsletter subscribers, and to lose 15 pounds.” It reminded me of another aspect of my former self and of coaching clients over the years: we want our circumstances to be different, but we don’t want to change.

You’ve likely had some experience in this. At one point in my life I continually said that I wanted to quit smoking. In reality, I wanted to want to. Only when I became clear that my health was more important than the habit did I truly want to quit. And, I did.

In this 5th month of the year, change is in the air and with that change I’m aware of the Universe responding, not necessarily in ways I expect or even that I fully understand.

Some of that awareness is external manifestation. In terms of my most recent business (ad)venture, the Dragonfly House B&B, I expected that my attention to creating inviting, comfy spaces in my home, along with an awesome logo and new business cards would generate business. It has!  I enjoy sharing my home and I tap into that joy as I take on the mundane tasks required for each visitor’s comfort.  I expect the Universe to respond to both my actions and my attitude.

Recent guests prepare for departure.

In my coaching business, I’m experiencing the Universe’s response in unexpected ways, and noticing that Universal timing doesn’t always seem to match my own.  Over the past year I’ve put little attention there other than writing this blog each week and on being present for and giving each client my very best. Lately I’ve been asking the question ‘what’s next in my professional life?’ with no pressure to have an answer. That question is coupled with thoughts about reaching a wider audience. Again, I feel no sense of urgency. I’m simply curious and open.

It seems the Universe has acted upon that as well, providing a forum for me to be interviewed and for ‘The Zone’ to be featured to the audience of a leading coach training organization. YES! (and, yes, I’ll post a link when it’s available!)

Whatever is present in our life is the result of our actions and the Universe’s response. That is the law.  When we change we give the Universe something new to act upon and magnify. With experimentation and practice, we can use the law of cause and effect (karma if you will) to our benefit with awareness, gratitude, and a sense of wonder.

'Come on Mom ... we're almost to my favorite spot!'

Reverence for All Mothers

Mother Nature Nurtures with Spring Snow to Increase Summertime Flow!

Mother Nature, planet Earth, gave us our power, our life, our energy. People who give allegiance to the trees, the wind, the sun recognize that the Earth has acted as a parent. They understand that the planet maintains them.  Gregge Tiffen (Mother Nature)

As Mother’s Day approaches here in the United States and many other countries, Mother Nature is doing some of her best nurturing here in the Colorado Rockies, offering periodic showers of rain in the foothills and new blankets of snow high on the peaks above.  Blessed moisture.

It reminds me of my own mother’s nurturing and love, always there when needed yet never smothering or too much. Marge mirrored nature’s balance and grace in many ways.  Although she departed this life some 36 years ago, I think of her often, always with gratitude and a smile: with reverence.

We would do well to learn more about our mothers. Not just our experience of them, but more deeply how the planet, Mother Nature, calls forth the perfect design of birth and surrounds us with the gentle guidance of how to live. If only we were trained and would take the time to listen. 

As I observe nature and explore energy more closely, some of the hardening of the world’s ways falls away. I soften. And, at the same time, I know that I am stronger from that connection with Mother Earth. She reminds me that at any age I can return to the childlike wonder I see in the pictures of my step-granddaughter who just celebrated her first cycle around the sun. 

As I begin to understand energy and nature more deeply, I find something that I can fully put my trust in. I may not always like her answers, but Mother Nature I can count on.  From that foundation of trust, I can allow my curiosity to run wild. I can tap into the energy of enthusiasm (the god inside). I can feel a sense of personal satisfaction that no one can give me. And, I can be generous with myself and with others.

We honor our mothers in many ways: with calls, cards, flowers and gifts of all sorts.  But perhaps the greatest reverence we can show is to tap into our inner Mother Nature, to expand, to grow, to consciously call upon the source from which our mothers received all that they have given us and from which we too receive all that we need to nurture ourselves, our family, our pets, our community and, indeed, the planet herself. 

So, let everyday be Mother’s Day. Glimpse the joyful flight of a humming bird and hear the whirr of her fast beating wings. Smell the rain. Taste fresh, organic food. Feel the earth under your feet and know that you are loved.

The Coming of the Green!